Telekinesis

Caroline's chin was carefully placed on the table.

She was staring at her cup.

"What are you doing Big?"

No answer.

She just continued staring.

"What is wrong?"

"NOTHING!  NOTHING IS WRONG!  I AM TRYING TO DO MAGIC!!!"

"Magic?"

"Yes, Mom!  Like Matilda."

"Matilda had telekinesis."

"No, Mom!  Matilda had magic."

"Telekinesis."

"Magic!"

"Telekinesis!"

"MAGIC!"

I give up.

"Get back to your magic then."

Reason for therapy number 87

I forgot my oldest child Friday.

I was busy washing clothes, cleaning bathrooms, packing, changing sheets, packing, caring for the youngest child, packing, washing clothes, answering the phone, packing...

"SHIT!  I FORGOT CAROLINE!!!!!!!" I yelled as I took off running.

I almost lost control as I ran out of the freshly cleaned bathroom, slipping on the rug and almost doing a face plant in the hallway.

2:53 pm.

She gets out at 2:50 pm.

I can get there.  I can get there.

Shit.  I hope I can get there.

Please, God, don't let her be the last one in the carpool line.

Thank the good Lord above because my neighbor pulled out in front of me... obviously late too.

Shew!

At least I know someone she knows is there with her and she isn't the last kid there.

I made it to school.

Caroline got in the car and was all "WHY WERE YOU LATE?  MY TEACHER SAID SHE COULD TAKE ME AND MY FRIEND HOME BECAUSE YOU WERE SO NOT ON TIME!"

Calm your nervous system.

I was 3 to 5 minutes late.

I made it a joke.

We laughed.

We moved on... so I thought.

Fast forward to yesterday.

We were running late of course.

I couldn't find my keys (I swear Ryan tries to hide them from me).

We find my keys and pull out of the driveway.

Only, I realize that I forgot Caroline's snack.

We pull back in the driveway.

I get the snack.

It is 8:05am.

There is NO way Caroline is getting to school by 8:10.

"I CANNOT GET A RETARDY, MOM!!!"

"It's called a tardy, Caroline, and it is NOT the end of the world."

Tears swelled.

"It's ok to get a retardy, Caroline.  You will not be really late.  Just a little late.  That means I get to walk you into school!"

Then she got excited.

A few hours later, I get a phone call.

"Mrs. Lafone, this is Mrs. W.  I was just calling to let you know that Caroline has been in the bathroom all morning with an upset stomach.  The poor thing.  Now, she is crying and I told her I would call you."

I rush over to the school expecting my kid to blow chunks at any moment.

It was obvious that she had been crying but quickly began to smile when we got into the car.

She acted fine at home.

No more stomach issues.

Hummm?

The truth came out later in the afternoon.

"You were late picking me up the other day and that scared me.  Then you were late this morning dropping me off.  I was scared you were going to forget me again."

Dag.  Way to make me feel like a good mama.

I explained that I would NEVER forget her again.  I pinkie promised.

I also explained that getting a "retardy" just means you are running a little late and your mom has to walk in with you.

After talking, she was better.

I felt terrible.

Long story short, I caused my kid to have the shits and now I feel like a terrible mom.

I will tell you this though, I was super early dropping her off this morning.  Like 7:55ish early.

Also, I may have gotten in the carpool line at 2:15 (school is over a 2:50) this afternoon making me car #6 in the pickup line.

Read that and weep, losers.

Emma Alexis

I woke up one morning and her curls were longer.

I realized one day she used adult phrases like "leave me alone, please".

I listen to her play pretend with her babies.  She is such a good little Mama and caregiver.

She has perfected the eye roll with her hand placed just so on her hip.

My sweet, cuddly baby is slowly finding her voice.

She can definitely express her feelings and concerns when it really matters to her.

She knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it.

She woke one morning and declared her new name was Alexis.

"Actually Emma Alexis but just Alexis" she said.


She just wanted to be called Alexis but did not want to completely drop the Emma.

My baby is growing up.

My sweet 2 lb. 15 oz. baby is now 37.4 pounds and wears a size 12 shoes.

Whether her name is Bug or Alexis, she will always be my baby.

Toddler Tantrum BS

I got an e-mail that had a link titled: 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.

I didn't want to even read the stupid article.

Articles like this just make me angry.

To be honest, Caroline never had tantrums as  a young child.

Now that she is almost six, we have them on a daily basis.

Emma will be 4 in September and she can throw a mean tantrum.

I am talking throw myself on the floor, kick and scream tantrum.

It is so awesome.

What is even more awesome is that fact that they will ALWAYS throw at least one tantrum a week in a public place.

I am pretty sure the Piggly Wiggly has a picture of me and both children hanging in the office with a big WARNING label beside it.

If they haven't called DSS on me by now, I have NO idea why.

My children stand up in carts, yell, scream, fight... all while I am pushing the big car style grocery cart.

While my children are being nutjobs, I am taking down displays on the end of the aisle with my cart.

Anyway, back to tantrums.

The stupid article stated a few tips for "taming" a tantrum.

I am NOT a lion tamer, people.

A lion would probably be easier than taming a 5 or 3 year old tantrum.

The article is called 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.  However, they listed seven.  Whatever.  Clue numero uno that these people are probably idiots and have no children.

Tip Number One:  Don't Lose Your Cool
I ALWAYS fail at this.  I will ALWAYS lose my cool.  I embarrass myself more than my kids embarrass me.  The more I try to get a grip on their behavior, the worse they get.  Then I have a breakdown!

Tip Number Two:  Remember that You the Adult
Psh!  I sure as hell don't feel like it when I want to lay in the middle of the floor and cry.

Tip Number Three:  Use Time-outs Sparingly
What planet was this author born?  Time-outs have NEVER worked for my children.  NEVER.  At least I can check off tip #3.  I am sooo good at using time-outs sparingly because I don't use them at all!  Score one for ME!!

Tip Number Four: Talk It Over Afterward
These are the best conversations ever.

"Caroline, you cannot say hate.  You definitely cannot say "I HATE YOU!"  Do you understand?"

"Can I have some drink?"

"Caroline, do you hear me?  DO NOT use the word hate again."

"I think I want Pepsi."

"Don't say hate or I will take you to the doctor to get the nice shot."

"No, I think I want orange juice."

"Do you hear me?"

"Yep!  Orange Juice.  Hey, Mom!  Can I have some orange juice?"

Kill me now.

Tip Number Five:  Let Your Child Know You Love Him/Her
Read tip five.  I give her the orange juice she asks for and I am "the best mom EVERRR!"

"I love you, Big!"

"I love you too, Mom!"

Tip Number Six:  Try to Head Off Tantrum-inducing Situations
"Pay attention to which situations push your child's buttons..."

Ummm... everything pushes my children's buttons.  Seriously.

It never comes at a certain time during the day.  They just come, beat the hell out of me, and then life continues.

Tip Number Seven:  Watch for Signs of Overstress
We live in OVERSTRESS.  Welcome!

My favorite quote in the article is "if your child is hurting himself or others, seek help".

Does it count if I think about ripping my face off on a daily basis?

Maybe I am the one that needs to seek help.

Pray for me.

Summer Playlist

This weekend was offically the start of summer in my opinion.

The iPad and iPhone are full of summertime too.

Y'all know I know a good dance session.

Without further ado, my May/June playlist...

- Lionel Richie and Jason Aldean- Say You, Say Me
So good.

- Eric Church- Carolina
Because I have an "Eric" at my house and we both love this song.

He wouldn't look at the camera

Real Eric

Kind of look alike right?

- All of the Jack Johnson and Friends Best of Kokua Festival CD
Especially Constellations with Eddie Vedder (he is totally my lover).

I also love A Pirate Looks at Forty with Dave Matthews (he is my other lover).  This isn't the best link but it is hard to find a good video.  Download it on iTunes.  The whole CD is totally worth it.

- Pearl Jam- Just Breathe
Eddie Vedder is pretty much the love of my life.

- Jason Mraz- I Won't Give Up
This is the sweetest song evah!

- Robert Plant and Eddie Vedder- Fool in the Rain
Robert Plant reminds me so much of Ryan with long hair.  I love it!

I will have to get a picture of Ryan actually looking at the camera to show you.

- Led Zeppelin- Going to California

- Flo Rida- Wild Ones
If I hear this song during the day, it is stuck in my head for at least 24 hours.

- Lil Wayne and Bruno Mars- Mirror
Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne... such an angry little man.  Love it!

- The Avett Brothers- If its The Beaches
This is an older song but it's a great song.  I could listen to it over and over and over again.

- Mumford and Sons- Little Lion Man
Same goes for this song.  Older song but so good.

- Justin Bieber- Boyfriend
Yes.  You read that correctly.  This song is so awesome.  Very impressive for Justin.

- Led Zeppelin- Bron-y-aur Stomp
Robert Plant.  Enough said.


What is on your list for summer?

Firefighters and toddlers

Dear nice sweet county accented firefighter,

When you call me and hear screaming children in the background, I am sorry.

When you introduce yourself and ask if I am the lady of the house, I don't really know what you have said due to the before mentioned screaming.

After said introduction when you thank me for not hanging up on you, you have made me feel very guilty.

Because, Mr. Firefigher, I am about to hang up on you.

(damn UNKNOWN CALLER)

Please let me explain why I hung up.

You see Mr. Firefighter, I do appreciate you.

I am very thankful for all that you do.

You are a true hero.

However, I had two children (ages 2 and 3) that were about to claw each others eyeballs out over a baby and a pocketbook.

So, you see, I needed to go be a hero myself.

I had go save two toddlers from harming one another.

I am sorry.

Please forgive.

But I hope you under, duty calls.



Thank you.  Gracias.  God Bless.  Peace & Love.

Hailey Lafone
(Insane mother)

Tuesday New Favs

Sorry that I skipped a day of blogging.

My brain was hurting.

Back to the grind.

Today is favorites day.

I wanted to share two of my new favorite things.

Don't get too excited though.

Favorite item number one:

This little 8oz can is my new best friend.

I refuse to look up the calories.

It is 8 ounces of yumminess over ice.

It is a margarita made with Bud Light Lime instead of tequila.

Now, I do love tequila but my stomach does not.

I have never been a big fan of beer but this is more than beer.

This is a margarita with carbonation.

Good gracious!  Go buy a 12 pack today.  You will thank me later.

Favorite item number two:

Hot & Spicy Claussen pickles.

Here again, I am not a big fan of a pickle.

It is not something I walk to the refrigerator and eat because I am craving them.

Every now and again, I will take a bite of pickle with a sandwich.

Otherwise, you will not see me eating one.

That was until my husband bought these things.

Talk about yummy.

Pickles with a kick.

That first bite might take your breath away so have a drink near by.

Sooooo good.

---------------------------

So, what are some of your new favorite things??

Nana Story

I ran across this story that I had typed last summer.

It never posted for some reason.


When I reread it, I chuckled so I thought I would share it with you.

Caroline HATES to sleep.

We always look for ways to get her to bed easily especially if we are not at home.

My Nana could spend hours in the rocking chairs on the front porch at the beach.

She will rock and rock and rock.

Most nights that we are down in the summer, Caroline will end up on the front porch in Nana's lap.

They rock and tell stories.

Caroline always gives up the fight and goes to sleep.

Well, Nana was rocking Caroline one night.

She was trying to get her to fall asleep by telling her the longest story of Cinderella you have ever heard.

"And then the Fairy Godmother said, "Yabba Dabba Doo" and Cinderella's rags turned into a beautiful gown."

Yabba Dabba Doo?

Flintstones or Cinderella?

Wow, Nana. Good storytelling.

All jokes aside, thank you sooo much for fighting that sleep battle for me ;-)

And for giggles. . .

On the way home from a night that involved adult beverages...

J: "Linny, Tuck, and Ming-Ming too, we're Wonder Pets and we'll help you."

H: "Why are you singing the freaking Wonder Pets? We don't have children with us."

J: "I like them. Ming-Ming is my favorite. That is the duck. It is the shit."

That time I felt like a complete idiot...

The other night, I was reading Family Circle.

I love that magazine.  Mainly for the recipes but there are also interesting articles each month.

Anyway, I ran across this ad...

All I saw was "scratch-n-sniff".

I LOVE to scratch-n-sniff.

I have been addicted to it since I was a small child.

I was once given a strawberry scented scratch-n-sniff sticker and so began an addiction.

Anyway, I started feverishly scratching.

I took a big whiff.

Nothing.

I mean really?

I scratched again.

A little harder this time.

SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Nothing.

WTF?

I checked the date of the magazine.

April 2012.

Ok. The sniff CANNOT be gone.

I scratched one more time.

I sniff.

Nothing.

Ugh!

What is wrong with this magazine?

Why would tell someone to scratch-n-sniff if you are not going to give them a sniff of something.

Idiots.

Then I read it...

Regenerist micro-sculpting cream FRAGRANCE-FREE.

This is false advertisement.

I am pissed.

I want to write them an ugly letter.

Most of all, I just wish I hadn't looked like such an idiot scratching-sniffing NOTHING.

Thanks, Olay Regenerist.

Thanks a lot.

Your WHOLE ad seriously confused me.

Frogs

Do you remember when I was attacked by the chicken?

Animals are not my strong suit.

I love my Zoey Pearl but chickens, birds, squirrels, etc. are not my favorite.

Anyway, my MIL got a geranium for my front porch.  I love it.

I have worked extra hard at keeping it alive.

I water it everyday.

Move it into the morning sun and then move it out of the afternoon sun.

The other morning, I went out to water it.

I stuck the water hose down in the plant as close to the dirt as possible.

I wasn't paying any attention really.

Something hit my hand.

I screamed.

I just knew it was a snake... or a bat... or a chicken!

No, it was a tree frog.

It was a HUGE yellow eyed, green tree frog.

I swear it wanted to attack.

I think it had negative feelings towards me because I am pretty sure I tried to drown it.

Get this, even after I screamed... no one came out of the house to check on me.

Thanks family of mine.

I calmed myself and then brought everyone outside to see the attacker.

Don't let his pretty color fool you.

He was vicious.

Growth

Reason #80,002 my children will need therapy

We had a goldfish.

Her name was Aunt Ethel.

(Yes, we have an Aunt Ethel who can't hear for anything and yes this situation of the same name can get very confusing.)

Anyway, the fish... Aunt Ethel.

She was loyal.

She was trustworthy.

She was loving.

She was carefree.

We left her...

At the "old repartment" (as the girls call it) last February when we moved into our new house.

In the freezing cold.

She almost froze to death.

Whoops.

We remembered her after a week or two.

We saved her.

She lived.

I wish that was the end.

Oh, no.  It's not.

Aunt Ethel lived in her tank on top of our tv stand/dresser/I-don't-know-the-correct-name-for-it in the master bedroom.

Aunt Ethel was forgotten about... again.

Aunt Ethel passed and by the time I realized it the decomposition stages were taking place.

OMG!

What am I going to do?

I flushed her without even blinking an eye.

I totally said a little prayer for her as she made her way to our septic tank though.

Caroline and Emma randomly thought about her one day.

"Where is Aunt Ethel?"

"She is at home, I guess.  Either there or at the mall walking.  You know she likes K&W too.  She could be there.  I'm not really sure..."

"NO!  AUNT ETHELLL!!  THE FISH!!!!!"

What am I going to say?

Think.Think.Think.

We have weird water here.

If you go more than 5 days without cleaning the toilet bowl, there will be an orange-ish color in the bowl.  (Gross, I know, but this totally worked to my advantage.)

"Ummm... I don't know.  Oh gosh!  She is NOT in her tank.  You know what?  I bet she decided to leave since I didn't take care of her.  Look, her home is so gross.  I bet she hopped in the potty and decided to swim to the ocean."

"EMMA LOOK!  THERE IS ORANGE IN THE POTTY!!!"

Yes!  Score one for the quick thinking on my part.

Mother of the freaking year.

Aunt Ethel wasn't discussed much after that.

She swam back to the ocean and left a little orange mark in the potty on her way out.

End of story.

Fast forward to Monday night.

Emma was tee-teeing.

"BIG!  AUNT ETHEL CAME BACK!!!"

OMG!  What if the damn thing was still in tack and made its way back up?  Just my luck, huh?  There is no way!  That was like 10 months ago.

Crisis averted.

"THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF ORANGE!! SHE PROBABLY CAME BACK TO SEE US!!!!"

Either this situation is really screwed up or I just need to clean my toilets more often.

I wish I could make this stuff up.

Girls Night Out

Chick-fil-a had GNO.

NOT that kind of GNO.

There was no alcohol or cuss words involved.

It was a mother/daughter date night of sorts.

Of course, I signed us up.

Why not?

It will be good bonding time.

I took the girls... by myself.

This is no small feat.

Seriously.

I was determined to keep my shit together and not freak out over the little stuff.

We get there and Chick-fil-a was decked out.

Flowers on the table.

Candles on the table.

Table cloths on the table.

Let's just say, we sat down and within the first 5 minutes our purple flower was no longer with us.  It was just a green stem.

We had a server take our order.

We had free dessert.

We had photos in a photo booth.

Dear sweet baby Jesus.

This is why I love my children.

Check out Emma face in the last one.  (ignore my horrid protruding chin.  gross.)

Of course, both girls were totally sketched out when I tried to make them go inside.

Afterwards, they wanted to go over and over and over again.

"WE WANT OUR PICTURE MADE AGAIN!!!"

Of course I was a terrible mother and said no.  The line was getting long and others wanted their pictures made.

All in all, I kept my shit together and shall mark this off as a "freaking awesome GNO" (from the mouths of babes).

Baby Mama Day

Mother's Day.

I am surrounded by many wonderful mothers.

For one, my Mom, who in my opinion is the best mom of all.

I am also surrounded by two precious miracles that I call my own.

They, of course, made all these cute things at school that they gave me.

I loved them all.

I knew that the Jehovah's Witness was not going to celebrate this holiday.

If you can remember, Ryan (the Jehovah's Witness) gave up holidays a few years back.  It is a total joke that he converted but I like it.

Anyway, like I said, I knew that he was not going to celebrate this holiday.

I was right.

But, deep down in my heart there is always hope that he will.

Psh!

Caroline: "What do you want for Mother's Day?"

Me: "Tomorrow when you and Bug wake up, go wake up Daddy.  Don't wake me up.  Tell your Dad you want Bojangles for breakfast.  Bring me home a black coffee.  I will sleep late and then sip my coffee in bed."

Caroline (somewhat confused):  "Coffee?  Ok."

Fast forward a little.

3am Sunday morning.

Caroline comes into my room.

Wakes me.  Needs drink.

I get her water.

She throws a fit.

I have to lay down in her bed with her to go back to sleep.

I slept TERRIBLE.

6am.

Emma starts screaming and running through the house looking for me.

I ignore her (I am a responsible parent like that).

She finally finds me, plops down on my head and goes back to sleep.

8:30am.

Both kids are awake.

"Mom, I want breakfast."

"Remember, go tell your Dad."

No response.

I fall back asleep (because I am a responsible parent like that).

A few minutes later.

"MOM!  EMMA JUST SPILLED DRINK EVERYWHEREEEEE!"

Mother of all things Holy.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

The Jehovah's Witness slept through it all.

Like a baby.

I then took two children to Walmart to buy tulips.  I was going to buy them earlier but I was scared I would kill them so, I waited.

Little did I know that I would buy broken tulips with mold on them.  Damn.

The girls had HotCakes for breakfast.

I had a coffee.

The Jehovah's Witness slept.

Until almost 11am.

Whatever.

Happy Mother's Day Jehovah's Witness!

I didn't even get a Happy Baby Mama's Day from him.

Nothing.

Nada.

I still love him though.  ;-)

I think so. Woah!

Did you see the cover of TIME that went viral yesterday??

This is Jamie Lynne Grumet.

That is her 3-year old son. Standing in a chair. Breastfeeding.

You are reading and seeing this all correctly.

What the hell?

Obviously, it is a very controversial cover.

An almost 4 year old (according to research, he will be 4 next month) is breastfeeding.

Extreme?

I think so.

Awkward?

I think so.

Her son is going to kill her when he is sixteen?

I think so.

Hopefully, he will not still be breastfeeding at that age.

And more importantly, the little nutjob has TEETH.

TEETH!

He will be getting his molars in in about a year.

He can chew steak, chicken, pork.

Still eating from the boob?

That cannot be appetizing.

Yuck.

I get that this mom is very into attached parenting.

Great for her.

I would rip my face off if I was practicing attached parenting.

The three tenets are extended breast-feeding, co-sleeping and “baby wearing,” in which infants are physically attached to their parents by slings.

I think that is awesome.

Breastfeed for as long as you can.

I couldn't do it for an extended period of time.  I did it for as long as I could and I am proud of myself.  To be honest, I hated it.  I loved pumping but hated actually breastfeeding.

Co-sleep if you feel like it.

To be honest, we "co-slept" with Caroline because that was the only way we could actually get some sleep. She was is hell on wheels when it comes to sleeping.  The girl HATES sleep.  We did not co-sleep with Emma because she was so teeny tiny.  She did sleep in a bassinet that was pulled up right beside my bed.  She co-sleeps now (if that is what you want to call it).  We call it "coming in our bed in the middle of the night and kicking Mama in the face all night and head butting Daddy all night" sleeping.  Fun times.

Baby wearing is awesome.

This was a life saver with Emma.  She was so tiny and loved skin to skin contact.  This lead me to really read up on baby wearing.  I have tons of slings, wraps, and structured carriers.  It never failed that supper time was ALWAYS meltdown time for Bug.  I would cook dinner with her strapped to the front of me.  She spent tons of time in a sling.  She loved it and so did I.

What do you think?

Does this cover give breastfeeding a bad name?

Was this an EXTREME case of attached parenting?

Here are a few of my favorite tweets:

@denisleary tweeted: 67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom & her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.

@danecook tweeted: Time Magazine's cover is pretty ballsy or tittsy. The kid looks nourished. Wonder if they call that the yum yum chair.

Refrigerator

With every full moon, comes Aunt Flow.

With every full moon and Aunt Flow, come psychotic children.

With every full moon, Aunt Flow and psychotic children comes that moment in time that you realize you haven't cleaned out your refrigerator since the last full moon.

There is scary stuff growing in there.

I mean like "fuzzy chili that got pushed wayyyy to the back" kind of scary.

Scary.

Which lead me to the question I have been pondering lately... how often does the average person clean out their refrigerator?

I'm talking "looks at all the expiration dates, trashes the entire contents of the refrigerator" kind of cleaning.

Discuss among yourselves.

Wheat

wheat: noun, often attributive \ˈhwēt, ˈwēt\

1: a cereal grain that yields a fine white flour used chiefly in breads, baked goods (as cakes and crackers), and pastas (as macaroni or spaghetti), and is important in animal feeds

2 : any of various Old World annual grasses (genus Triticum,especially T. aestivum and T. turgidum) of wide climatic adaptability that are cultivated in most temperate areas for the wheat they yield

3: a light yellow

Celeb Babies

Y'all know my obession with crazy names.

I admitted to you that when I was growing up I told people my child was going to be named Evian Bouvier.

Thank God that didn't happen.

Keep in mind that the name Bouvier is still super awesome!

Anyway, have you heard about Jack Osbourne's new baby?

Pearl Clementine.

Pearl.

Clementine.

How great is that name?

So awesome!

My dog's middle name is Pearl.  I love that name so much!

And let's talk about Jessica Simpson finally popping out that kid 12 months later.

Maxwell Drew.

OMG!

LOVE!

Then there's Rebecca Woolf at Girl's Gone Child.

She has Archer, Fable, Boheme (who they call Bo) and Reverie (who they call Revi).

These names are amazing!

Milla Jovovich and Alanis Morissette both have babies named Ever.

Ever is by far my most favorite name on the planet.

I also love Henley (as in Don Henley) and Callaway (as in the gold club).

Good thing we aren't going to have anymore babes.

They might be named Henley Pearl Clementine Maxwell Drew Ever Callaway Bouvier Lafone.

Ryan thinks I am nuts.

Then, I remind him that he prefers names like Fiona and Frances.

What cool names do you like?

Old Testament

As a mom, I feel like we all have days that we want to pull our hair out.

Hell, there are some days that I want to rip my eyeballs out, shave my head, and scratch my face off.

Just being honest.

There are also those moments where you feel guilty.

"I yell too much."

"Where did I go wrong?"

"Why will they not listen to me?"

In the end, all we can do is the best we can.

And then those little moments like bath time last night come along and knock you off your feet.

You look at your child in amazement with the breath knocked out of you.

Last night, for the very first time, I heard my oldest nutjob say the whole Old Testament.

With her mouth covered, scared she was going to say it wrong, she said every book of the Old Testament.

Her fabulous Grandmom taught her a little song at GAs that she attends every Wednesday night.

I yelled for Ryan to come to the bathroom.

He listened.

We beamed.

It was one of those "HOLLER... MY KID IS SMARTER THAN YOUR KID... IN YO FACE" kind of moments.

We are so proud.

It made me realize that there are the bad full moon days, but there are also those little moments that make up for the craziness.

Now, if only I can remember the above statement during the crazy chaotic days.

Fingers crossed!!

----------------------------------

Big,
We are super proud of you!  Always remember you can do anything!!


Love,
Mom

Voting day

Regardless of your opinions or political stance...

GO VOTE!

Make your voice heard and NOT JUST ON FACEBOOK!

Peace.

the post where i write in all lowercase because i don't like writing about this

i am going to tell you a secret.

it is a secret that i said i wouldn't tell anyone.

i am embarrassed and a little ashamed that i've done it and enjoyed it.

i have read the first two fifty shades books.

i have read fifty shades of grey (book one).

it should have been titled "fifty shades of red" or "fifty other titles to tell your husband when we asks what you are reading on the kindle".

i swore to myself that i would not read the other two books.

psh!  i was wrong.

the first one ends so oddly that it leaves you hanging.

you need more.

it is like a drug.

you read book two, fifty shades darker.

that is what it is... darker.

i haven't bought book three yet.

i felt that spending $20 on two such books was enough for one week.

when you read them, you feel like you are doing something wrong.

my nana always said, if you feel like you are doing something wrong... you are.

damnit.

i'm going to hell.

i have read porn trash.

i enjoyed the books.

i guess i will read the third book now.

afterwards i will read something religious and beg for forgiveness.

someone make me feel better.

please tell me someone else has read these books and felt bad about it.

Hipples

Emma says the darnedest things.

She is at the age where you never know what is going to come out of her mouth.

I also love that she makes up her own words.

The other night I was getting dressed in her PJs.

"What's that?" she asked pointing to her chest.

"I don't know.  What is it?" I answered.

"Ummm... a hipple."

Clearly she meant nipple.

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Happy Sunday!!

Fergie Ferg

The other night we were at my inlaws house having dinner.

Ryan was rummaging around and came across a perfume.

"Why do you have Fergie's perfume?" he asked his mom.

"My secret sister gave it to me."

"Why in the world would she give you Fergie's perfume?"

"Ryan, I don't know.  She probably thought I would like the way it smelled."

"Do you even know who Fergie is?" Ryan asked in a serious manner.

"Yes!  Fergie... she was married to Prince Andrew."

Yep.  That's right.  My MIL thought her secret sister had given her a perfume called Outspoken by Fergie.  That Fergie on the bottle she thought was none other than Sarah Ferguson.

So cute!

We explained to her that it was Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas.

I may have even dropped a few lines of Boom Boom Pow.

We all had a good chuckle in the kitchen that night.

Catch Up

So, let's play catch up.

We will start with Bug.

She is almost done with school.  Her last day is the 24th.  This school year has seemed to fly by.  It is kind of sad but we are all excited for summer.

She is still not talking at school.  She has also taken it to the extreme and is no longer tee-teeing at school.  Her reason??  She doesn't want anyone to hear her.

God.help.her.

At times I think she may have selective mutism however at other times I think she is just being a controlling nutjob.

She'll figure it out.

We are shooting for her to just say ONE word before the end of the year.

Fingers crossed!

On to Caroline.

She is still enjoying school.

We went through a spell where she wasn't doing so hot on AR tests.  We had a come to Jesus meeting and she has made 100s ever since.

She wants to start playing tennis this summer.

This is a big step for her.  She is my clingy child.

She is the child with SAHM syndrome.

She hates for me to leave her anywhere... youth group, group lessons, etc.

Caroline is also in the "hate" stage of her life.

She hates everything... me included.

"I HATE HOMEWORK!"

"I HATE BEDTIME"

It hurt a little the first few times she screamed "I HATE YOU!  YOU ARE THE WORST MOM EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

We are slowly getting her out of the habit of using the H word.

A little pop on the cheek does the trick.

On to Ryan.

Everything is the same with hubs.

We celebrated our 6 year anniversary on April 21st.

He decided he wanted just us to go to the beach with no children.

We did.

It was wonderful.

We ate, ate, and ate.

We have soooo missed our favorite beach restaurants.

Friday night we had a late dinner at Ruddy Duck.

We both wanted the same thing... grilled mahi tacos complete with black beans, rice, sour cream, pico and Caribbean slaw.  Their Caribbean slaw is to DIE for!!

Of course, I have the best hubs in the world and he let me get the mahi tacos.

He had his favorite... Jambalaya.  It never disappoints.  It is the most amazing Jambalaya we have ever had.

I starved myself all day Saturday so that I could have a bomb dot com dinner Saturday night.

We had reservations at Front Street Grill at Stillwater in Beaufort.

We laid on the beach for most of the day which was awesome.  I bought a cute little juice box of wine.  Best invention EVER!

Of course, Walgreens did not have a big selection so I was stuck drinking pinot grigio.  It was pretty good though.

Our dinner at Front Street was good.

Being in Beaufort makes me happy.

I love the feel of the little town.

Everyone is so down to earth and super nice.

I found SkinnyGirl White Cranberry Cosmo while we were down there.

Super yum!

Do yourself a favor and grab some.

Of the margarita, sangria, and cosmo... the Margarita is still my favorite.

Speaking of me...

I am doing good too.

I started a diet January 9th.

It was a terrible journey in the beginning but I have made my way.

I am currently at 23 lbs. of weight loss.

I feel so much better.

I no longer drink any soft drinks.  I will have a little here and there but I mostly drink water.

I have also cut back my alcohol intake.

Drinking a bottle of Black River Red every night is not very good for you.  Whoops!

I wish I had taken before and after pictures.

I am still walking and toning.

I am super proud of myself.

So that is catch-up for us.

Hope you all are doing well too!!