Reason #80,002 my children will need therapy

We had a goldfish.

Her name was Aunt Ethel.

(Yes, we have an Aunt Ethel who can't hear for anything and yes this situation of the same name can get very confusing.)

Anyway, the fish... Aunt Ethel.

She was loyal.

She was trustworthy.

She was loving.

She was carefree.

We left her...

At the "old repartment" (as the girls call it) last February when we moved into our new house.

In the freezing cold.

She almost froze to death.

Whoops.

We remembered her after a week or two.

We saved her.

She lived.

I wish that was the end.

Oh, no.  It's not.

Aunt Ethel lived in her tank on top of our tv stand/dresser/I-don't-know-the-correct-name-for-it in the master bedroom.

Aunt Ethel was forgotten about... again.

Aunt Ethel passed and by the time I realized it the decomposition stages were taking place.

OMG!

What am I going to do?

I flushed her without even blinking an eye.

I totally said a little prayer for her as she made her way to our septic tank though.

Caroline and Emma randomly thought about her one day.

"Where is Aunt Ethel?"

"She is at home, I guess.  Either there or at the mall walking.  You know she likes K&W too.  She could be there.  I'm not really sure..."

"NO!  AUNT ETHELLL!!  THE FISH!!!!!"

What am I going to say?

Think.Think.Think.

We have weird water here.

If you go more than 5 days without cleaning the toilet bowl, there will be an orange-ish color in the bowl.  (Gross, I know, but this totally worked to my advantage.)

"Ummm... I don't know.  Oh gosh!  She is NOT in her tank.  You know what?  I bet she decided to leave since I didn't take care of her.  Look, her home is so gross.  I bet she hopped in the potty and decided to swim to the ocean."

"EMMA LOOK!  THERE IS ORANGE IN THE POTTY!!!"

Yes!  Score one for the quick thinking on my part.

Mother of the freaking year.

Aunt Ethel wasn't discussed much after that.

She swam back to the ocean and left a little orange mark in the potty on her way out.

End of story.

Fast forward to Monday night.

Emma was tee-teeing.

"BIG!  AUNT ETHEL CAME BACK!!!"

OMG!  What if the damn thing was still in tack and made its way back up?  Just my luck, huh?  There is no way!  That was like 10 months ago.

Crisis averted.

"THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF ORANGE!! SHE PROBABLY CAME BACK TO SEE US!!!!"

Either this situation is really screwed up or I just need to clean my toilets more often.

I wish I could make this stuff up.