Iron Man did not get home from work until 9:15pm the other night.
He left us at 8am.
This is a busy time of year for UPS.
We are thankful but the girls miss Daddy. And sometimes I hate being a "UPS widow". That's what happens at Christmas though.
His supper was waiting for him and the bed was turned back.
The girls fell asleep waiting for him to get home.
I thought about one night this summer.
I wrote about it but never posted it.
This is what I wrote:
We were sitting on the back deck. The evening had turned cool while we waited for a storm. When the wind blew just the right way, you could almost smell the rain that was on its way. Lightning was dancing in the clouds. I giggled and said it looked like Jesus was putting on a fireworks show. It was dark. He didn't make eye contact. I didn't see him smile but I felt it. I sat down by him with my iced wine. We listened to music and just enjoyed being together. No more words. We came to this crossroads a few years ago. The crossroads of "we-are-no-longer-newlyweds-but-we-are-not-an-old-married-couple". I hated it when we stopped talking to each other every second. There never used to be a silent moment between the two of us. Our feelings never changed. We just fell silent at certain times. We would go out to dinner and barely talk. Then I realized, we are happy to just be together. He makes me realize that I don't have to talk every minute. It is never awkward. It is just silent sometimes. To be honest, silence is golden these days. He knows now that I need that silence every once in a while. With two children that are only 26 months apart, silence is hard to come by. My brain turns 8000 miles a minute on most days. Some days I don't even remember to use the bathroom. So sitting on the back deck, in the dark, with my wine (his beer), and the dancing lightning made me love this man even more. And we are happy. Silent and happy.
One week ago, the parents of those 20 Sandy Hook elementary school students were rushing about their morning just like me and you. Unbeknownst to them the grueling fate that lie ahead.
This morning was a quiet morning.
I made a promise to myself Friday that I will do my very best not yell at Caroline in the mornings anymore. My morning ran much smoother with no yelling and fighting. In the end does it really matter what jeans she wore, or shoes she wore, that her hair was not perfectly placed or that we were a little late?
We got in the car and as I backed out of the driveway, I started praying. Praying for my babies, their teachers, their schools.
I pray for my family everyday but this morning was different.
About halfway to school, I realized I was no longer asking God to watch over my family today... I was begging. Screaming to Him at the top of my lungs to please take care of my children and keep them safe.
I had the music loud (we love loud music) and the girls were singing along to Dave Matthews "Mercy" (how appropriate that this just so happened to be playing when we got in the car).
I cried. "Trust in theLordwith all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..."
I cried for all those parents and loved ones of those who lost their lives Friday.
I cried for my babies who have to grow up in a world that is... well, just mean.
I cried for me. I cried and begged. "...in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your pathsstraight."
This morning was worse than the first day of Kindergarten.
I am a mess.
Losing control is my biggest fear. I am realizing that no matter how much I love and pray and beg, I cannot control my children's future. That, my friends, is a hard, jagged pill for me to swallow.
My Mom's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6. It's a verse you hear your whole life in the Christian faith. It is a verse that popped in my head this morning. "Trust in theLordwith all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your pathsstraight."
Time is crawling already today. I am ready to pick Caroline up and have her here with me. School just seems so scary right now. School? Scary?? Our babies are not even safe at school.
I am counting down the minutes until I can go get her from that place.
Until then, I will trust.
I will trust the administrative staff of her school.
I will trust her teachers.
I will trust God.
That is all we can do.
Trust and pray.
Thank you to all of my teacher friends. I said a prayer for you this morning too. You are amazing girls. You leave your precious babies everyday to take care of precious babies like mine. I can never thank you enough.
Shoes: The Children's Place- similar here (Yes, the toe of that black shoe is rubbed off. I color it with a black sharpie to make it look better but I forgot to do it before the picture. They are actually Caroline's favorite shoes. Yes, my children share shoes. Can you guess which toe Big uses on her scooter?)
Everything is off. Tennis is normally on Monday but was moved to Tuesday... It was super dark when I left gymnastics last night at 6:15... I feel like it is dinner time at 5pm...
This new time stinks.
The mornings run much smoother but the days seem to last FOREVER.
Most days I am praying for 8pm to magically appear on the clock so it will be time for bed.
With the crappy time change came two big attitudes.
Big and Bug have always played well together. Of course, there were little spats here and there. Now, it is an all out WAR with those two. I think we are on World War LXII (62. Yes, I just googled the roman numeral for 62). They have knock down, drag out FIGHTS. Hitting. Kicking. Pulling hair. Pushing. Slamming doors. Tears follow of course and I am there to pick up the pieces. I heard this doesn't get any better with age. Yay me! How did they go from BFFs to competitive sisters that act like nutjobs whenever they are together? I am tired. Scratch that. I am exhausted. Thank God I don't have a job. Kudos to you working parents. You rock. I don't know how you do it. I can tell you this. I am already counting down till 8pm tonight AND I am counting down to GNO Tuesday night. It is LONG overdue.
For example, sitting in a quite room while someone is speaking and your child says, "Mom, let's go. I'm ready to go home. This is boring!"
"Mom, why does that lady have on her bedroom slippers at Walmart?" when "that lady" is standing in front of us in line.
This is the best yet.
If you know us, you know that Mellow Mushroom is our all-time favorite place to eat EVER.
Every time we go to Greenville, the girls insist that we eat there.
Every time we eat there, they must stop outside and play with the big pirate made of chains. (In case you are wondering why there is a pirate at Mellow Mushroom... Greenville is a college town. East Carolina is located there and pirates are their mascot.)
They also insist I take their picture with the pirate.
I am always hesitant to post them anywhere because, well, they are awkward.
I received an email that looked like this this morning...
Yes. I took two days out of my busy schedule to take pictures. I decided on a picture of the girls together instead of individually. I put together 5 cards and we finally chose one. I am so excited (and relieved).
The first two are NOT my favorite but are definitely worth sharing.
1. My dog ate my rainbows. This is all that is left. Damn dog. We love her though. She just loves to chew... everything!
2. Caroline drew on her blinds. 1-18. I got the 18 off before taking the picture. I flipped my lid. All that is left is 1-11. They are in red expo and the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser would not get it off. HELP!
3. On a better note, Caroline will have art at the Arts Council in our hometown. She is so excited and we are so proud!
4. Daddy was able to pick up the girls two days this week. We loved having him home with us.
5. During a Walmart grocery run, we saw this little jewel. How awesome?! A turkey made of butter. I think I might buy one.
6. Blast from the past that made my WHOLE month...
7. This skirt I saw on Instagram is too cute.
8. Best song ever.
What are your favorite from October?
Ashley over at Dancing with Ashley hosts a monthly Favorite things. Be sure to head over to her website and link up too!