Our world is crying

One week ago, the parents of those 20 Sandy Hook elementary school students were rushing about their morning just like me and you.  Unbeknownst to them the grueling fate that lie ahead.

This morning was a quiet morning.

I made a promise to myself Friday that I will do my very best not yell at Caroline in the mornings anymore.  My morning ran much smoother with no yelling and fighting.  In the end does it really matter what jeans she wore, or shoes she wore, that her hair was not perfectly placed or that we were a little late?

We got in the car and as I backed out of the driveway, I started praying.  Praying for my babies, their teachers, their schools.

I pray for my family everyday but this morning was different.

About halfway to school, I realized I was no longer asking God to watch over my family today... I was begging.  Screaming to Him at the top of my lungs to please take care of my children and keep them safe.

I had the music loud (we love loud music) and the girls were singing along to Dave Matthews "Mercy" (how appropriate that this just so happened to be playing when we got in the car).

I cried.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..."

I cried for all those parents and loved ones of those who lost their lives Friday.

I cried for my babies who have to grow up in a world that is... well, just mean.

I cried for me.  I cried and begged.

"...in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

This morning was worse than the first day of Kindergarten.

I am a mess.

Losing control is my biggest fear.  I am realizing that no matter how much I love and pray and beg, I cannot control my children's future. That, my friends, is a hard, jagged pill for me to swallow.

My Mom's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6.  It's a verse you hear your whole life in the Christian faith.  It is a verse that popped in my head this morning.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Time is crawling already today.  I am ready to pick Caroline up and have her here with me.  School just seems so scary right now.  School?  Scary??  Our babies are not even safe at school.

I am counting down the minutes until I can go get her from that place.

Until then, I will trust.

I will trust the administrative staff of her school.

I will trust her teachers.

I will trust God.

That is all we can do.

Trust and pray.

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Thank you to all of my teacher friends.  I said a prayer for you this morning too.  You are amazing girls.  You leave your precious babies everyday to take care of precious babies like mine.  I can never thank you enough.