Caroline Monthly Letter: Month 80

Today you are 80 months old.

You have had a busy month.

You have landed your cartwheel a few times.  This is a huge accomplishment for you.  You have worked so hard on that cartwheel.  You are getting so great at it.  You are proud but more importantly, I am proud of you.

You are amazing, kid.

You never give up and that is pretty awesome.

Aunt Lucille passed away March 10, 2013.

Your little heart was broken.

I explained to you that God just give us Earth bodies.  They grow old and they die.  But the best is yet to come.  After our Earth bodies die, we get our Heaven body.  We get to be God's angels and that is a very happy time.

We talked a lot about you taking part in the visitation and funeral.  I let you decide if you wanted to go.  Of course you did.  I would not dare deny you that.

I think this month you have matured a little bit more.

I introduced you to "Blackbird" by the Beatles.

We rocked out to it today while you did your homework, as a matter of fact.

I am sure you will know every word in the next few days.

Have I ever mentioned your ability to remember song lyrics?

I feel like you get it from me.  I am pretty awesome at remembering lyrics too.

You have been checking out informative books from the library lately.

You love learning new information and sharing it with all of us.

A few weeks ago, you got a book on the water cycle.

You explained it all to us.  You also taught us that a cloud is water vapor and dust particles.  When they stick together, they form clouds.

You are smart, kid.  Sometimes you are too smart.

You truly thirst for knowledge.  You want to know answers and not the BS answers that most parents can get by with.  You want the REAL answer.  How do babies come out?  You want the real answer.  What are clouds?  You want the real answer.  How old would your great, great, great grandfather be?  You want the real answer.

You LOVE Judy Moody and The Not Bummer Summer.

You have been watching it on Netflix over and over again.

Judy gets a mood ring in the movie and you have wanted a mood ring ever since.

You got one the other day and to date, it is the best thing thing anyone has ever bought for you.

It has only turned dark blue and green.  You say you can't wait for it to turn orange.  That means you are crabby.  Ha!

You at constantly looking at it and examining it closely for any color change.

You think it is great and we love that you love it so much.

Today you are 80 months old.

These past 80 months have been an adventure.  You have taken us on an amazing adventure that we wouldn't trade for anything in this world.  I can't see where else you take us!

I love you!

xoxo,
Mom

Those moments in life where you want to say a REALLY ugly word. This is one.

"PAY ATTENTION!" I mouthed to Caroline at tennis lessons the other night.

She had done so well.

"Wow!  Caroline is really doing great," one mom commented.

"Caroline is really good," another mom said.

Oh, stop it.

She is good.  She likes those one man sports that she only has herself to worry about.

She likes tennis therefore she is pretty good at it.

After such a great lesson, I was confused as to why she wasn't paying attention during the last part of class.

"PAY ATTENTION!  GET THE BALL!" I said a little louder this time.

As soon as it was time for ball pick up, Caroline ran to me with panic on her face.

"Caroline, go pick up the balls with everyone else."

"But MOM!"  She had a chunk of hair in her hand that was caked in gum.

Damn.  This is one of those moments in life where I wanted to say a REALLY ugly word.  Like really ugly.

What am I supposed to do?

I thought for a moment.

I did what any awesome mother would do... I tucked the gum wad/hair wad behind her ear, patted her on the butt and said, "Go back out there.  We will deal with it later."

"BUT MOM!"

"Caroline, I don't have time to deal with it right now.  I have had enough today.  I am over it.  Over.it.  I will deal with it when I get home."

She pushed on the gum to stick it to the back of her ear and ran out on the court to pick up balls.

We came home.

We tried ice.  It didn't work.

I was over it.  "Whatever, I am just going to cut it out."

"MOM NO!"

"Well Caroline, I don't know what else to do."

We went to the bathroom.  I took pictures to document this event.

First gum wad... check.

How did the gum get in her hair you ask?

She says it just fell out of her mouth and landed in her hair.

Nice.

What is even better is the fact that I didn't even know she had gum in her mouth.

Why there is no Fashion with Big

Caroline was born with guns blazing.

Eyes wide open (literally).

Ready to take on this world and not back down.

She definitely marches to the beat of her own drum.

So, when someone recently asked "Why don't you do a Fashion with Big segment on your blog too?"

I chuckled a little.

Obviously, my Caroline is NOT a dressy bessy like her sister.

She does have a few staples in her closest.

1. Cotton shirts with the occasional cardigan...

Some are Crew Cuts, The Children's Place, Old Navy, 7 For All Man Kind, Polo, etc.  She could care less.  As long as it is cotton and comfy.  She is down with it.  Dresses are a battle that I don't like to fight.

2.  Merrell Tennis Shoes

She picked these out.  She thought the toggle was super cool.  The fact that they are waterproof is even more cool.  She will jump in a puddle in a hot minute.  "Look Mom!  Waterproof!"  Yeah, but your jeans are not sweet child.

3.  Launch Slouch Boots

Big got these for Christmas and they are already scuffed so badly.  Damn scooter.  She loves them.  She says they are "com-fort-a-ble".  Therefore, she wears them.

4.  Pants/Shorts

Girlfriend loves jeans, khakis, and athletic shorts.  She HATES leggings and skirts.  Let's not even talk about tights.

So, in short, Big isn't into glitter/glitz/glam (thought she does love a peace sign).  She has a few key pieces and they all equal comfort.  She has her own sense of style but in a much different way than Bug.

Both girls are always dressed cute.

The girls are just so different in so many ways.  Fashion just happens to be one of them.

I guess since Bug doesn't express herself in so many words, clothes are her way to express herself.

Big expresses herself in words and she has NEVER been short on them.

Our world is crying

One week ago, the parents of those 20 Sandy Hook elementary school students were rushing about their morning just like me and you.  Unbeknownst to them the grueling fate that lie ahead.

This morning was a quiet morning.

I made a promise to myself Friday that I will do my very best not yell at Caroline in the mornings anymore.  My morning ran much smoother with no yelling and fighting.  In the end does it really matter what jeans she wore, or shoes she wore, that her hair was not perfectly placed or that we were a little late?

We got in the car and as I backed out of the driveway, I started praying.  Praying for my babies, their teachers, their schools.

I pray for my family everyday but this morning was different.

About halfway to school, I realized I was no longer asking God to watch over my family today... I was begging.  Screaming to Him at the top of my lungs to please take care of my children and keep them safe.

I had the music loud (we love loud music) and the girls were singing along to Dave Matthews "Mercy" (how appropriate that this just so happened to be playing when we got in the car).

I cried.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..."

I cried for all those parents and loved ones of those who lost their lives Friday.

I cried for my babies who have to grow up in a world that is... well, just mean.

I cried for me.  I cried and begged.

"...in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

This morning was worse than the first day of Kindergarten.

I am a mess.

Losing control is my biggest fear.  I am realizing that no matter how much I love and pray and beg, I cannot control my children's future. That, my friends, is a hard, jagged pill for me to swallow.

My Mom's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6.  It's a verse you hear your whole life in the Christian faith.  It is a verse that popped in my head this morning.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Time is crawling already today.  I am ready to pick Caroline up and have her here with me.  School just seems so scary right now.  School?  Scary??  Our babies are not even safe at school.

I am counting down the minutes until I can go get her from that place.

Until then, I will trust.

I will trust the administrative staff of her school.

I will trust her teachers.

I will trust God.

That is all we can do.

Trust and pray.

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Thank you to all of my teacher friends.  I said a prayer for you this morning too.  You are amazing girls.  You leave your precious babies everyday to take care of precious babies like mine.  I can never thank you enough.

BusyBusyBusy

It's has been a big week for us.

- I have some sort of sinus stuff going on.  I am not feeling 100%.  Ugh.  So much for enjoying the changing of seasons.  By the way, who is loving this ENC weather??  High 50s at night, low 80s during the day.  I'll take it!

- Caroline started gymnastics tonight.  Boy, did she love it.  She learned how to do a back roll and is super stoked.  She catches onto things so easily.  I wish I was that way.  She gets it from her Daddy.  I can barely walk and talk at the same time.

- Bug is starting dance.  Yes, you read that right.  Dance.  I didn't pressure her either.  I just mentioned it and just jumped right on it.  She will be taking with a dance teacher that goes to her school every Monday for "movement".  We got all of her dance stuff today.  Tomorrow cannot get her fast enough in her eyes.

- Bug talked at school today.  It happened during an emergency but still... it happened.  Holler!  She had to tee-tee.  I mean like superbad tee-tee.  She couldn't hold it much longer.  She cried (break my heart).  She will NOT tee-tee at school.  I don't know how we are going to get past this.  Did I mention she cried :-(  I rushed in and saved her.  She tee-teed for a good minute.  She felt much better.  During her meltdown, she told one of her fabulous teachers, "My tummy hurts.  I want to go home."  Wow.  All of that came out of her mouth.  Wow!  WOW!!

- Bug slept in her bed ALL NIGHT last night.  Yes, she still gets in our bed on most nights.  I woke up with morning at 6:30am fully rested for the first time in a LONG time.  I kind of missed her.  Fingers crossed the same happens tonight.

- I have no pictures for today.  I have been doing 8 million things.  I mean, I just got done cooking dinner.  I haven't even cleaned the kitchen yet.  Ugh!

- One night I went to bed at 9:30ish.  That is epic.  I can't remember the last time that happened.

-I am watching Gossip Girl season 4.  Dear sweet baby Jesus.  I don't know how I ignored this show until its final season.  Chuck Bass is so awesome.  I wish I could be him for just one day.

- I am off to clean the kitchen, watch Big Brother, watch Gossip Girl, feed the dog, wash clothes, shower, fold clothes, ok I'll stop now.

Cats Yuck

I hate cats.

Let me rephrase that... I hate cats with a passion.

They make me sneeze.

They make my eyes swell and water.

They make me feel like I have a three ton elephant on my chest.

I am gasping for air just thinking about it!

Have you ever noticed that when you hate an animal, that certain animal loves you?

It was no surprise when this little thing showed up on my doorstep.

I screamed.

I panicked.

What the hell am I going to do?

Who does this little itty bitty thing belong to??

HELP!

Thank God my sister was here and went to the rescue.

She loves cats.

Weird.

Anyway, she picked him/her up and we walked to my neighbors house.

She verified that it was her new kitten, Oreo.

Properly named being that he/she is black and white.

She informed me that Oreo is a wanderer but would come back home.

"Not to worry," she said.

Well, not really.  She doesn't talk like that.  But she said something along those lines.

So, everyday for the past month this little itty bitty kitten, Oreo, has shown up on my doorstep.

He/she just lays there.

ALL DAY!

It is all Ryan's fault.

He came home one day and informed the girls that cats LOVE milk.

"Let's give Oreo MILK," they squealed.

I coldly told them "NO!"

Ryan did it anyway.

Do you know what happens when you feed a cat?

They NEVER go away.  They keep coming back for more.

Fabulous.

There are a few that are ok with the cat.

Emma is smitten with the kitten.  She has even gained enough courage to hold the cat.  The cat just lays in her arms.  He/she doesn't try to fight it anymore

My Dad was all, "It's nice to have a cat around, Hailey.  Cats keep other animals (umm, rodents) away."

Too bad this cat hasn't done anything.

Zoey, though, is a champ of rodent killing.  She is slowly digging up the backyard looking for a mole.  She has also brought us birds, june bugs, turtles, july flies and a mouse.  I wasn't at home for the mouse situation... thank God!

Dog catches animals while cat lounges on the front porch sipping milk.

No wonder I hate cats.  What assholes.

(This picture just happened to be the cat's butt because the stupid thing pounced on Emma's foot right before this shot.  Jerk.  Good thing the picture went along with my last statement though.  Score.)

Sisterly Love

Caroline is adjusting to school.

Actually, I can't believe that I am saying this but she loves it.

She woke up this morning, hopped in the bathtub, ate breakfast, brushed her teeth and was ready to go.  No  fight.  No screams.  No vomit (thank God).

I will admit she may have been excited because today is PE day.  She LOVES her PE teacher (she even stalks his pictures on Facebook... I'm not kidding).  I hated PE as a child.  I do not have an athletic bone in my body.  Caroline though, is pretty coordinated.  She is pretty great at everything that she does.

She was also excited because she has a pretty awesome teacher that has promised to do pretty awesome things this year.

So, while Caroline is at school having a blast... Bug is NOT adjusting very well to being at home without her.

By 9:30am this morning, Bug had:

- a meltdown because "we can't go to storytime without CAROLINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  We can't!"
- asked 3 times, "When do we go pick up Big?"

Although I want to pull my hair out on the daily, my girls do play well together.  They will hop on a plane and fly to China, eat lunch in New York City, be teacher and student, be mama and daughter.  Most of the time they enjoy being together.

It is easy to say that depression has set in because Big is not here all day.

Bug is in a slump.  She just lounges on Caroline's bed, watching Doc McStuffins reruns with her babies most of the day.

Occasionally she will come out of Big's room and ask, "When are we picking Big up?"

She starts preschool soon.  That is sure to bring about multiple meltdowns.  So, until then I will let her lay quietly in her sister's room.

Big is a first grader

Big started 1st grade today.

FIRST GRADE!

I have a first grader.

It seems so weird.

We rushed around getting ready this morning but Caroline seemed a little excited.

I wouldn't say she was overly excited but it is better than tears.

She cried just a little as I walked out of her classroom.  However, she quickly pulled herself together.

She's is in first grade now.  First graders don't cry.

I can't wait to hear how her first day went.

Shirt: 7 for All Mankind

Shorts: 7 for All Mankind

Shoes: Dansko Jada Mary Jane

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 And I couldn't forget my First Day Favorites picture.  (I LOVE pinterest)...

For old times, here is Caroline on her first day of Kindergarten...

Dream

Today was our last day on our mini vacay.

I settled into Heavier than Heaven with the wave lapping at my feet.

The girls took off with Grandmom to play pretend.

I took a break from Kurt and I watched them play for a while.

Caroline was "making a movie".  She was Allison and she was a surfer.

Then they played bath tub.  The fought over the biggest hole in the pool of ocean water that gathered during the exchanging of tides.

The biggest hole equals the biggest bath tub... complete with dead, half eaten sand fleas.  But we all know that biggest is bestest even with a little dead sand fiddlers floating around.

From the shoreline, I saw two little imaginations racing... taking my babies anywhere they wanted to go.

Those moments are what I want to remember.

Sometimes I feel like all I talk about is the bad days.

I want to remember the good days too.

I love the imagination of my children.

I always want them to remember that with a little imagination and you have the whole world at your fingertips.

Dream on, little ones.

Young, wild and innocent

This post is about Chick-fil-a.

I do not care to argue over politics, religion, etc.

That is not the goal of this post.

I just want to share a story about my sweet babies.

Things are so black and white to them.

Things seem so easy through the eyes of a child.

I think this a quality we all cherish most in our children.

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I took the girls to Chick-fil-a last Wednesday.

I stood in line with 8 million other people to pump my kids full of processed meat and a load of fat and sodium.

They enjoyed it.

Going out to eat, just the three of us, is a treat.  I rarely tackle that situation by myself.

Caroline asked from the backseat, "Why are we going to Chick-fil-a tonight?"

How to explain freedom of speech to a 6 year old?

This is going to be tricky...

"Well, because the man that owns Chick-fil-a said something that some people didn't like.  You see, whether you like something or not, you can say it if that is how you feel."

"So, he said something ugly?"  I am sure a slew of curses were going through her head.

"No, but people are being ugly to him.  They don't like what he said and they are not going to eat at Chick-fil-a anymore."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Big."

Silence.

"Whether we like what he said or not... that has nothing to do with Chick-fil-a.  Let me see.  Hummm... what is my favorite color?"

"Orange!"

"Yep!  I love orange.  If you tell me you don't like the color orange, I am not going to get angry and not be your friend anymore.  That would be mean.  It would be ok for you not to like orange.  That doesn't mean that I can't like the color orange."

We are getting way off course here.

Obviously Bug was listening to this in-depth conversation.

She chimed in... "So, the people are mad because they don't like his lemonade?"

Oh, if only it were that easy sweet, innocent child o' mine.

While adults seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, kids only care about lemonade.

Oh, if we could be young and innocent again...  there would be world peace.

Sharks and penguins

We checked *Go to the aquarium* off of our summer to do list.

We were super excited about seeing the penguins.

Little did we know that we would be a little disappointed.

The aquarium loves to wow you with some things.

Walking in was this awesome sand sculpture.

Way to make my sand castles look like a piece of crap.

Impressive though.

The girls took complete advance of EVERYTHING they could climb on.

Even if they weren't suppose to climb on it.

The pegiun exhibit was the size of a large window.

Three of the four penguins were sleeping.

The one that was awake just stood there facing the fake rock wall.

We saw his back.

That's it.

As we were leaving the exhibit feeling very disappointed, this little guy popped up.

He looked right at me.

It was love at first sight.

I have loved penguins ever since I read And Tango Makes Three in college.

That is when I found out that penguins are one of the few animals that mate for life.

How awesome.

I love that.

Anyway, we walked outside and snapped pictures of the girls that everyone has snapped of their children.

Emma was the size of a King Penguin.

King penguins have colorful feathers around their necks and heads.  They are the brightest of all the species of penguin.  (credit)

That is a perfect match for Emma.

She would definitely be the most stylish of penguins.

Caroline was the same size as an emperor penguin.

Emperor penguins can stay underwater for around 20 minutes at a time. (credit)

This is a feat that Caroline swears she is going to accomplish one day.

We even had to google the world record from holding your breath.

The answer:  22 minutes, 22 seconds

While outside, we went to the snake hut.  We took no pictures of that because my Nana would have a heart attack.

The girls did touch a snake.

They were asked NOT to tell Nana.

She is deathly afraid of snakes.

What was the first thing the girls did when they saw Nana?

Told her.

She was upset and swore they could not be related to her.

We also did a little bird watching outside.

It was 8 million degrees so really the "bird watching" consisted of the girls hanging on the binoculars like monkeys for a total of 2 whole minutes and then we headed back inside.

While we were "bird watching" I spotted this compass.

I love a compass.

They are so pretty to me.

This is the exact compass (or one just like it at the aquarium) that taught me years ago that our coast faced South.

When you are at the beach, you just assume you are looking west to places like Morocco, Spain, and Portugal.

Nope.

Our coast actually faces South... to Florida.

It was also shark week at the aquarium.

Who doesn't love a good shark?

This awesome picture of a shark in the big shark tank should totally be entered into a photograph contest.

Best picture of a shark's tail everrrrrr!

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And now a little

interview with Big & Bug

What was your favorite part of the aquarium?

Big:  The otters

Bug:  The penguins

What was your favorite animal?

Big:  The octopus

Bug:  The otters

Do you want to go back to the aquarium?

Big:  Yes

Bug:  Yes

What did that snake that you touched feel like?

Big:  Wet shingles

Bug:  Rubber

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Ok, so Big must have been in LaLa land while we were at the aquarium.

Her favorite animal... the octopus?

Yeah, we didn't see an octopus.

He was hiding.

I guess she dreamed it.

Her answer about the snake feeling like "wet shingles".

What does that even mean?

When has she ever felt wet shingles?

Weird.

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All in all, it was a successful aquarium trip.

Fun was had by all!

OMG Cuteness

I flipped open the iPad and this is what I saw...

Clearly, my six year old is extremely technologically advanced.

Not only can she take the same picture at least 23 times, she also knows how to make it our background AND lock screen background.

When I was six, I was holding onto the screws on the bottom of a MAC keyboard so I wouldn't get electrocuted when I turned it on.  I guess that is why we had to keep our fingers on the screws.  Who knows?

My, my, my... the times have changed.

Bible School

Today the girls are sitting on the bed pretending to fly to China.

China.

I wonder where they think China is.  I wonder what they think they would see in China.

Their imaginations are amazing.

Midflight to China, they heard me turn on the bathtub. Their flight was cut short and they were both following me to the bathroom, not letting me get too far out of their sight.

They were both on edge.

We have been preparing them all weekend for tonight.

I let them know that I would be leaving them at Bible school at our church.

There were tears.

There were screams.

There were meltdowns.

China?  That would NEVER happen.  They can't even let me shave my legs without sitting right beside the bathtub.

China?  Psh!  They are having a meltdown about BIBLE SCHOOL!!

The time came.

Emma immediately started crying because I was walking too fast for her to catch up to me.

Caroline cried because I left her in the sanctuary with MG (our 11 year old cousin).  I made a quick exit just before clawing my eyeballs out.

Emma was clinging to me for dear life... literally.

I pried her off of me and ran out the door leaving her with my aunt to deal with.

These sort of situations go much more smoothly if I am not involved.

I felt like such a crappy mom but it was the perfect opportunity to leave them and possibly kick this separation anxiety in the ass.

I was back at church a whole hour early to pick them up.

I was armed with their new American Girl dolls.  Peace offerings, if you will.

I slowly crept around the church watching them.

Then they saw me.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Oh man.

It's over, I thought to myself.  They have seen me and they are going to want to crawl up inside of me and never let me leave again!

They didn't.

Did you hear me?

THEY DIDN'T!

They stayed in their line and followed their class to music.

I had to literally pick my mouth off of the floor.

I couldn't believe it.

I was so proud.

They started the day off going to China, a feat I felt they would never accomplish.

They ended the day going to Bible school all by themselves.

That is as big as going to China in my eyes.

Way to go girls!  We are so very proud of you!

Tennis went great!

Ryan woke Caroline up this morning.

It is his favorite thing to do.

He kisses the girls 100 times before actually walks out the door.

He was so excited about Caroline starting tennis today.

To say Caroline was not excited would be an understatement.

She wouldn't eat her breakfast because sausage and eggs would "hurt her stomach".

She settled for a big glass of orange juice and toast with grape jelly.

We all got dressed, brushed our teeth and hair.

I went to grab her racquet.  It was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is your tennis racquet?  It was right here last night."

"I don't know."

"Well, you better find it or you are just going to have to use one they have there."

She magically found it in 2 seconds flat.

We headed out the door.

Of course we had to stop so I could snap her picture before we left.

She didn't cry, she just moved really slow the whole morning.

When we got there, she hopped right out of the minivan (which I am still driving.  that's another blog post.  ugh!).

We filled out her paperwork.

She almost tuned up when lessons started and I tried to leave her.

One of her awesome coaches quickly took charge and started introducing her to everyone.

All in all, she had an awesome time.

She did really well.  She and her Dad have been practicing.

She is looking forward to Monday... as long as I stay in the minivan and watch her.

I can do that for a few more lessons right?

Water Break... 

Do you see her little ponytail over there?

So cute!

I am already googling tennis skirts ;-)

Say a little prayer. . .

I signed Caroline up for a tennis clinic that she will start tomorrow.


She will go every Monday and Wednesday morning until the end of August when school starts.

I am sure many tears will ensue when I wake her tomorrow morning.

She is scared to death I am going to leave her.

She is scared to death to do anything without me.

We have everything prepared.

Her racquet is ready.

We have dusted off her tennis shoes that have been stuffed in the back of the closest during the summer months.

Now, if you could just say a quick prayer that she enjoys it and has a fun time.

She needs this.

WE need this.

I want Caroline to do fun things and not worry.  We will try anything to ease her separation anxiety.  She has got to let go and do fun things!

So, here's to tomorrow. . .

Painting and Bedding and Colors. . . oh my!

Meet Caroline's new painting.

I painted it last week before we left for Great Wolf Lodge.

Of course, Lisa helped me a ton!  She is fabulous like that.

I am in love with the colors.

It goes well with her chandelier too.

Now for bedding...

The painting is sitting on her bedding that she has now.

I love it but I am not in love with it.

I want something different, eclectic, boho modern.

Any ideas?

OMG

Big was sitting on the couch eating her mini corndogs (yes, I feed my children that trash.  I also let them drink Coke while they said trash.  Sue me.)

She called me into the den.

I just knew there was another spill or ketchup smeared on the walls again.

No.

This time I walked in and she looked up at me and said, "Mom, how many more years until I am in college?"

I automatically answered, "A LOT!"

Ummm... no.  Not really.

I thought about it.  I stood there in utter disbelief.  This was the first time I had realized how little time she has left as an elementary school, middle school and high school student.

"12.  Only 12 more years," I told her with a big lump in my throat.

These past 6 years have gone by so incredibly fast.  Before I know it, 12 years will have passed and my Big will be packing up to go to college.

I will admit, some days I wish things were easier.  My children are at such a demanding age.  In reality, I know I will miss it.  I am sure there will be a honeymoon period though where I am in paradise and my kids will leave the hell alone.  I am so looking forward to those days.  But the reality of the situation... I am not looking forward to.

12 years.

12 years and my Big will be a college student.

I am going to go cry now.

Caroline Pictures

Big found a hot pink camera at Rite Aid that she wanted for her birthday.

She grabbed my camera today and asked to take pictures.

I let her.

She got some pretty good shots.

They were fun to look at during editing.

Without further ado...

:: a picture of her sister complete with dried up tooth paste around her mouth ::

:: a picture of her other sister ::

:: this picture makes me laugh ::

:: who doesn't love a good cloud picture ::

:: weeds in the front yard that clearly needs cutting ::

:: iron man has been busy getting his uniform pressed and driving the big brown truck ::

:: she ended with an adorable self portrait ::

Too bad the hot pink Rite Aid camera isn't doing it for her anymore.

"A camera like Mom's" is on her birthday list now.

 I think we'll stick with the $20 hot pink cam for right now.  ;-)

I found it.

Yesterday was a rat race.

We had no where in particular to go.

We had story time at 11:00 but other than that we had no plans.

I did my motherly duty at story time on the floor while children tried to crawl up my vagina.

I took it in stride though... with a smile on my face (for the most part).

I even stopped by my MIL's work for the girls to show off their newly painted t-shirts per their request.

We came home and I started cleaning.

Caroline lost her DS a few days ago and I have slowly turned the house upside down looking for it.

I was tackling one major area at a time.

Linen closest one day, Caroline's closest one day, under my bed one day etc.

Today, I was tackling the catch-all black chest of drawers in our entryway.

God help me.

The good news, I was only stabbed by two pencils and now have glitter from Christmas permantly stuck to my scalp for the next 2 weeks.

The bad news, still no DS.

I started to panic.

Everyone was already blaming me for it being gone.

Caroline told everyone I lost it.

She said that she saw me with it last.  She said I put it in her baskets and now it was GONE.  I am clearly the "worst mom EVERRR".

Iron Man agreed it was my fault.  He thought that I shouldn't allow an almost 6 year old to keep up with her own DS. *insert eye roll and double middle finger*

With the world against me, I made phone calls to every family member we had been to see begging them to turn their houses upside down looking for it too.

They all kindly agreed.

In the meantime, Caroline begins to tell everyone that I have taken her DS back to Walmart.

Nice.

WORST MOM EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Anyway, back to yesterday.  I was cleaning and found no DS.  My house looked like a disaster dispite all my cleaning.

I walked into Caroline's room and collasped on the floor.

I was alone and I wanted it to stay that way.

I wanted to have a meltdown.

I felt so defeated.

Defeated by a 5 year old, by Iron Man, by life in general yesterday.

I started crying pretty uncontrollably while pretending to put DVDs back Caroline's the wire tower thing in case a little person walked in.  I was really just hiding myself from the world.  Tucked neatly between a full size bed and a TV armoire, I was a big ball of hot mess.

I laid my head down for a minute and in between wiping the snot from my face and a gigantic tear from my ear, I caught a glimpse of something aqua.

Could it be?

I had cleaned from under Caroline's bed though.  It couldn't be.

I threw the mattress to the side and low and behold... I found it.

Just when I had given up, I found it.

I thanked God and then I patted myself on the back.

I wiped the tears away.

I pulled myself together and was on top of the world... until my children started hitting and fighting again.

But at last the DS is safe and sound in its hot pink case.

Magical

I had a few magical moments this weekend.

Aside from drooling over Channing Tantum's rock hard abs and ass, I did spend a little time with family.

After eating lunch with family on Friday, we hopped in the pimpin' mini and headed to my mom's house.

My Jeep is sitting there, under the shade trees, still overheating every time you crank it.

Story of my life.

Anyway, I needed to look in the Jeep for Caroline DS... which we have misplaced.

I know it is in this house (or someone's house).  I am trying not to stress out over it.

We don't take it to public places so I know we haven't left it anywhere public.

If we have left it somewhere, we have left it in a family members home.

Anyway, we were heading home in the pimpin' mini after leaving Mom's house.  We didn't find the DS... FYI.

The radio was blaring Grey Street.

What?

You didn't think mini moms listened to cool music?

The stereo system in the mini is booming (not really but one can pretend, right?)

I play Dave Matthews, Lil' Wayne, Edward Sharpe, Busta Rhymes, etc.

I may not look cool but at least I feel a little bit cooler about myself.

Anyway, as if playing Grey Street in a mini isn't magical enough, a deer ran out in front of me.

This could have been a dangerous situation, but it wasn't.

Deer are so magical.

They are so quick and secretive.

I love them.

As soon as the deer crossed the country road, Caroline started singing.

Word for word.

Talk about an ultra magical moment.

My 5 year old was singing the words to Grey Street.

I thought it was a fluke.

I immediately starting playing the next song which happened to be When the World Ends.

She started singing.

Proud Mama Moment.

A deer AND my child singing Dave Matthews.

Now, if only she could rap as fast as Busta... whew!  Talk about magical.

That would be the icing on the cake.