We miss Iron Man

Iron Man did not get home from work until 9:15pm the other night.

He left us at 8am.

This is a busy time of year for UPS.

We are thankful but the girls miss Daddy.  And sometimes I hate being a "UPS widow".  That's what happens at Christmas though.

His supper was waiting for him and the bed was turned back.

The girls fell asleep waiting for him to get home.

I thought about one night this summer.

I wrote about it but never posted it.

This is what I wrote:

We were sitting on the back deck.  The evening had turned cool while we waited for a storm.

When the wind blew just the right way, you could almost smell the rain that was on its way.

Lightning was dancing in the clouds.  I giggled and said it looked like Jesus was putting on a fireworks show.

It was dark.  He didn't make eye contact.  I didn't see him smile but I felt it.

I sat down by him with my iced wine.  We listened to music and just enjoyed being together.

No more words.

We came to this crossroads a few years ago.  The crossroads of "we-are-no-longer-newlyweds-but-we-are-not-an-old-married-couple".

I hated it when we stopped talking to each other every second.

There never used to be a silent moment between the two of us.

Our feelings never changed.  We just fell silent at certain times.

We would go out to dinner and barely talk.

Then I realized, we are happy to just be together.

He makes me realize that I don't have to talk every minute.

It is never awkward.

It is just silent sometimes.

To be honest, silence is golden these days.

He knows now that I need that silence every once in a while.  With two children that are only 26 months apart, silence is hard to come by.

My brain turns 8000 miles a minute on most days.  Some days I don't even remember to use the bathroom.

So sitting on the back deck, in the dark, with my wine (his beer), and the dancing lightning made me love this man even more.

And we are happy.

Silent and happy.

White Tee

Read the title and I am sure you are rapping like it is nobody's business!



Iron Man has a limited wardrobe during the week.

Brown shirt.  Check!

Brown shorts/pants.  Check!

Black socks.  Check!

Black shoes.  Check!

I guess he tries to spice things up a bit with a white tee underneath.

Which leads me to this blog post.

I was full of cuss words this morning.

"Where's a white t-shirt for me?"

"Excuse me?"

It is 7:30 and I have done more in an hour than most people do all day and you are going to ask me about a white t-shirt when I know for a fact you have a closet FULL of white tees?

"A. White. Tee. Shirt."

Ok, I'm not slow.

"You have a closet FULL of white tees."

"What?  You haven't washed clothes?  Of course you haven't."

"There are clothes in the washer now AND I just ironed your uniform, Iron Man.  Back up.  It's only 7:30am."

I walked into the closet.  Sure enough there was a stack of white tees.

Most of them the same brand.  All the same size.  Not good enough for Iron Man.  He wanted one of the two white tees that were in the washer.

He has major issues sometimes.  A white tee is a white tee is a white tee.

I cussed.

I threw clothes.

Then I rapped.

Yup, in my white tee.

My life is so exciting.

Happy Tuesday!

------------------------------------------------------

Happy Birthday Ryan.

The past few days I've been rapping, "Day go my baby daddy..."

Only kidding.... maybe.

We celebrated Ryan's 29th birthday over the weekend.

Whoops.  Wrong picture.

We will just pretend this is my baby daddy with long curly hair.

Just kidding.  This is really him.

(wow.  major flash.)

I can't believe it.

I am married to an almost 30 year old.

Wow.

It isn't that old but it seems like yesterday my parents turned 30 and I was thinking, "damn that's old".  30 now seems so far from old.

29. The last year of my husband's twenties.

It's going to be a great year.

I can feel it.

Thank you for being the father of my children.

Thank you for being my best friend.

"Always remember, there was nothing worth sharing

Like the love that let us share our name"

I love you forever and always.

I can't wait to turn old and grey with you.

Naked

"Let me speak to Bug."

I slowly hand the phone to Bug.

Conversations with her can last anywhere from 20 seconds to 20 minutes.  You just never know what that one.

You also never know what she is going to say.

"Hello?"

"Hey Day-day."

"Yes."

"I found Julie.  We haven't found..."

"Yep.  *little giggle* My Daddy is outside walking around naked. *giggle*"

Dear Jesus.

All he did was walk to his truck and back with UPS shorts and no shirt.

That = naked in the mind of a 3 year old.

I grabbed the phone from Bug a few minutes later.

My Mom said, "Well, Emma said her Dad was outside naked?"

"Yep.  He was."

We like to keep is classy around here.

I found it.

Yesterday was a rat race.

We had no where in particular to go.

We had story time at 11:00 but other than that we had no plans.

I did my motherly duty at story time on the floor while children tried to crawl up my vagina.

I took it in stride though... with a smile on my face (for the most part).

I even stopped by my MIL's work for the girls to show off their newly painted t-shirts per their request.

We came home and I started cleaning.

Caroline lost her DS a few days ago and I have slowly turned the house upside down looking for it.

I was tackling one major area at a time.

Linen closest one day, Caroline's closest one day, under my bed one day etc.

Today, I was tackling the catch-all black chest of drawers in our entryway.

God help me.

The good news, I was only stabbed by two pencils and now have glitter from Christmas permantly stuck to my scalp for the next 2 weeks.

The bad news, still no DS.

I started to panic.

Everyone was already blaming me for it being gone.

Caroline told everyone I lost it.

She said that she saw me with it last.  She said I put it in her baskets and now it was GONE.  I am clearly the "worst mom EVERRR".

Iron Man agreed it was my fault.  He thought that I shouldn't allow an almost 6 year old to keep up with her own DS. *insert eye roll and double middle finger*

With the world against me, I made phone calls to every family member we had been to see begging them to turn their houses upside down looking for it too.

They all kindly agreed.

In the meantime, Caroline begins to tell everyone that I have taken her DS back to Walmart.

Nice.

WORST MOM EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Anyway, back to yesterday.  I was cleaning and found no DS.  My house looked like a disaster dispite all my cleaning.

I walked into Caroline's room and collasped on the floor.

I was alone and I wanted it to stay that way.

I wanted to have a meltdown.

I felt so defeated.

Defeated by a 5 year old, by Iron Man, by life in general yesterday.

I started crying pretty uncontrollably while pretending to put DVDs back Caroline's the wire tower thing in case a little person walked in.  I was really just hiding myself from the world.  Tucked neatly between a full size bed and a TV armoire, I was a big ball of hot mess.

I laid my head down for a minute and in between wiping the snot from my face and a gigantic tear from my ear, I caught a glimpse of something aqua.

Could it be?

I had cleaned from under Caroline's bed though.  It couldn't be.

I threw the mattress to the side and low and behold... I found it.

Just when I had given up, I found it.

I thanked God and then I patted myself on the back.

I wiped the tears away.

I pulled myself together and was on top of the world... until my children started hitting and fighting again.

But at last the DS is safe and sound in its hot pink case.

My Iron Man

I am not a morning person.

I didn't think I married a morning person either.

I think my husband is just happy that he actually wakes up with normal people at normal times now.

With that said, he loves to wake somebody up.

Now that he works normal hours, he thinks the whole world is suppose to wake at 7:30am.

I always forget to wash his uniforms.

He only has TWO uniforms, so I am constantly washing them.

He also requires them to be ironed.

His job does NOT require that.

Ryan does.

" Have you washed my uniform for tomorrow?"

"*Cuss* NO!  I'll have it ready in the morning.  Promise."

He rolls his eyes knowing that it is an unfulfilled promise.

"Be sure to iron it."

"*cuss*"

I stay up to wash and dry the unifrom.

Ironing... not so much.

I have tried waiting for it to finish drying.  I will throw it on a hanger.  It always looks good to me.  Oh no, crazy-iron-man knows that it hasn't been ironed.

He wakes me bright and early in the morning by thumping my foot, "Where's my unifrom?"

He acts as if he doesn't know that it is in the dryer.

I ignore him every morning and close my eyes again wishing the crazy-iron-man will go away.

He walks out of the bathroom and thumps me on the foot again.

"*cuss words*"

Every morning, I roll out of bed and iron that stupid uniform.

I can now iron with my eyes closed.

I am serious.

Another thing, it is NOT necessary to have a neatly pressed uniform.

Neatly pressed clothing is so overrated.

What a waste.

So this morning, as I was crawling back in bed and choking on the excessive amount of hair spray fumes coming from the bathroom, I saw the biggest wasp I've ever seen in my window.

I choked a small scream and Mr. I-need-a-neatly-pressed-uniform-and-too-much-hair-spray rushed in rolling his eyes.

He said a few cuss words (welcome to my world) about how I hide the fly flap from him and he can NEVER find it when he needs it... after my damsel in destress (aka too tired to kill the stupid wasp myself) act, my knight and shining armor swooped in with a red fly flap and saved me from death.

All the while, he stayed neatly hair sprayed and pressed.

Impressive.

What a stud.


So now, I refer to him as my hero... Iron Man.

Happy Baby Daddy Day!

Even though the Jehovah's Witness doesn't celebrate holidays, I do.

I hope you have the best Father's Day evah!

You are the best Baby Daddy in the world.

We love you to the moon and back!

FIRE

Summer brings cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, potatoes, watermelon, blueberries, grapes, and all other sorts of yummies.

Well, this year my husband decided to plant jalapenos and habaneros.

Jalapenos... I understand.

They are delicious... when completely seeded.

Throw a glob of cream cheese in a jalapeno boat, wrap with bacon, and grill.  Oh so good!

We are going to have TONS of jalapenos.

Little Baby Jalapenos.

*So cute*

Now while I understand growing jalapenos, I DO NOT understand growing these bad boys.

Habaneros.

Clearly, you cannot even eat these peppers so what is the point in growing them?

I touched a leaf the other day and got scared.

I immediately went inside and washed my hands.

These peppers are scary.

They will make a grown man cry.

Ryan has lost his mind.  Whatever.

I will not be cooking, dicing, etc. these bad boys.

Hoover is back!

I have a terrible hair loss issue.

I swear, some days I wonder why I'm not bald.

After googling, I have come to the conclusion that I don't lose an extreme amount of hair. It just appears that way because my hair is so long and black.

Anyway, with that said you can only imagine the pain and suffering my vacuum cleaner goes through.

We have been married for 5 years (on April 21st to be exact) and I have had 4 vacuum cleaners.

I wish I could bring myself to buy a Dyson. Any time I go to Lowes or Target, I take a stroll down the vacuum aisle and affectionately pet each Dyson I pass.

When we moved, I announced it was time for a new vacuum. Reason: I could have made a wig with the amount of hair that was wrapped about the spinning brush on the old one.

No Dyson, but Ryan did purchase me this bad boy. It's a Hoover. I am partial to the name Hoover for the simple fact there is a Dr. Hoover that could pass for McSteamy. No joke.

Anyway, we took her out of the box and carefully put her pieces together.

I vacuumed... three times and she broke down.

Of course when I yelled that she was broken, Ryan said choice words and ultimately blamed be for breaking her.

I cried... knowing it wasn't my fault but still very sad that a vacuum that I used three times BROKE! (FYI: The spinning brush would not spin and neither would the belt. The belt was not broken, it just would not spin.)

She sat in the corner for a week... alone with a canister full of dust.

I finally found the receipt so that Ryan could take her back and get a new one.

I was so excited.

I put the new one together and gently placed it in the corner so that she could set sail on her maiden voyage the next morning.

The next morning, on my way home from preschool drop off, Ryan called.

"Hello?" I said.

"You've broken the damn vacuum cleaner again." he forcefully said into the phone.

"I haven't even used the damn vacuum cleaner yet so shut your face. What is wrong with it now?"

"The cord. It won't go in and there is no button to make that happen." he said.

"Pshhh. Are you kidding me right now?"

Silence.

In my best mocking tone I said, "Slowly, pick up your left foot. There will be a lever on the vacuum that you will hit when your knee and hip are almost level. Hold that button down with your foot and..."

I heard a loud "ZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP"!

I started clapping.

CLICK!

He hung up on me.

I'm married to a man that can do insane math in his head but can't figure out how to work the retractable cord on a vacuum.

Be jealous.

Dancing with Mustard

Last night we danced around the kitchen. Ryan with the mustard bottle. Caroline with the Heinz 57 bottle. Emma with the bottle of salad dressing. I was the DJ picking the songs.

Shortly after, my musically talented family went to bed. I stayed awake like I normally do. I sat and laughed to myself for a while thinking about us dancing and singing.

Moments like that, I want to remember forever. I want to remember dancing and singing in the kitchen at night. I want to remember spinning around and laughing until we almost threw up. I want to remember that my Caroline is 4 and knows every word to American Honey.

I wanted to blog about it to remind myself that under all the bad, there is some good too.

And when we become super famous, you can say "I read her blog when they danced in the kitchen with dinner condiments." ;-)

HappyHappy

Ryan,

Today you turn 27. 3 more years and you will be 30. This bothers you for some reason so I like throwing it in your face.

I don't feel very mushy so, I just want to tell you Happy Birthday.

You've still got swagger and could totally be a Baywatch Bitch. The world now knows about your fear of a crack and the fact that we don't take the small things for granted anymore.

Thank you for completing my life and being my best friend. Our little family makes me so happy... even on the bad days. I love you more than you will ever know.

Happy Birthday!!

"Can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete..."

My hubs could totally be on Baywatch

The early to mid 90s brought about a love for a little TV show called Baywatch.

I would watch it with my sister, Anna. If I am not mistaken, it came on at 4:00pm.

While others thought CJ Parker was great, we always loved Summer Quinn the best.

Without a doubt, Matt Brody was my lover and I had plans to marry someone just like him.

So, this past weekend when Ryan grabbed the boogie board and got in the water, I decided to snap a few pictures.

When I came across them during editing, I made up this whole story with the pictures. I laughed for a good 20 minutes.


Imagine the board has the orange Baywatch floatation device.

I told you that I knew I was going to marry someone just like Matt Brody. ;-)

I am now affectionately calling him my Baywatch Bitch.

Random Tuesday. . . with only one really gross picture

1. I want to take ballet. Seriously. Ballet. I want to be a ballerina. You laugh. Think about what great exercise it would be.

2. A few of you saw my facebook status asking what was on your summer playlist. To the rest of you, tell me. What is on your summer playlist?

3. I have called Caroline by her real name a lot lately. She still prefers Pam on occasion. I can't wait to see what name she comes up with this week.

4. Emma fell down the stairs a few days ago. I screamed. Thank God I keep clutter on my stairs because an empty box of diapers caught her. Next time you come over and wonder why there is an empty diaper box, clothes and shoes on the stairs... know that it is because it serves as a life saving device for my youngest child. I thought she was dead. She was just scared to death. No injuries.

5. Ashlyn just sent me a new tutu. I LOVE it! I can't wait to get some fabulous pictures. It is so beachy and beautiful.

6. Mom bought me a new phone, FINALLY! My sister and I now have matching Droids. Let me tell you, this phone is awesome. It does everything. I thought my blackberry was great. Well, going from a blackberry to a droid was like "going from a Pinto to an Escalade" (verizon salesman's exact words).

7. I publicly admitted today that I put Sun-In in my children's hair. No judgement please.

8. Caroline drank a whole bottle of Fruit2O last night. Is that normal? She drank it really fast.

9. What type of razor do you use? I use Ryan's because every razor I buy is terrible and doesn't get my legs as smooth as I like. Yes, it makes him angry. Therefore, I am asking for your help.

10. My blog was down for a little while a few days ago. Google said my account had been compromised. So, if you get a random e-mail from me do not open it. Sorry.

11. Girls night tomorrow! Yayy!

12. Fact that you probably don't know about me: I want a tattoo of a script L on my wrist. I just wish it didn't last forever. I'm sure I would be sick of it after a few days.

13. Caroline had dance camp last week. She loved it.

14. Have I ever told you that Caroline can flatulate on command? She can. Sometimes I wonder if she is really my child.

15. I have to plan Caroline's birthday party.

16. Our laptop cord died. Ryan went to buy one and the universal cord was like $110. What in the world? That is ridiculous.

17. In case you don't know my husband, let me tell you a little about him. When he gets something on his mind, he doesn't stop until he gets it. A few months ago we looked everywhere between here and Charlotte for a certain pair of Merrell shoes. Never found them. We found out later they didn't make the particular shoe he wanted. So, he gave up. Then he moved on to a kayak. Yes, a kayak. He has been wanting one. Long story short, he got one this past weekend. He was coming in from his second paddling expedition when he slipped and fell on an oyster shell. One urgent care trip, a big dose of lidocaine, lots of scrubbing of the wound, and 8 stitches later... he's all good.


Not the best quality picture. Taken with my phone.

18. I have a ton of pictures to upload and edited. I'll post again soon!

I'm on a YouTube roll. . .

Swagger.

My husband has swagger. Nonono. Not like that. Well, I guess he kind of does. I guess everyone does.

Anyway, his armpits have Swagger and it smells delicious.

The other night I said, "Gawd, you armpits smell good."

His reply? "I know."

"What do you mean you know?"

"Everyone at work told me."

"Umm... babe... you work with all men."

"I know. They told me that though."

Anyway, this video gives a whole new meaning to swagger.



Swagger... armpits and minivans. I don't think that is a coincidence.

Celebrate

I used to believe that there was more than one soulmate for everyone.

It was just a matter of fate bringing two people together, becoming comfortable, and falling in love. It was scary to think that there was only one chance to fall in love. What if I missed it? What if I wasn't looking in the right place? There had to be more than one person that was meant to be my soulmate... right?

This theory was driven by my fears. My biggest was to be alone.

Then one hot summer evening, I met the boy I was going to marry. I didn't know it at the time and neither did he. I don't remember all the details but I remember leaning against the fence in my cute bikini (during the days of perky boobs and no stretch marks) and saying to my friends, "I'm going to marry him." Being that I was also going to marry the local banker, the local VW dealer, and my neighbor at the beach this statement didn't come as a surprise to those around me. (I believed in multiple soulmates, remember? I had to be prepared.)

A few months later, we began dating.

A few years later, we were pregnant.

A few months later, we were married.

A few months later, we were parents.

We didn't do it the storybook way. First love, then marriage, then baby carriage... not us. We bent the rules a little bit. We don't live a fairytale and there are some days that I want to rip his head off.

4 years of marriage is an accomplishment. Especially considering we have had two babies during that time. Don't laugh. I think one year of marriage is an accomplishment. You have to work at marriage. It isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it is poopie diapers and big ugly rain clouds.

I often think to myself "if we can make it through this part, we can make it through anything". We are young, we have two small children, we have no money, and our communication skills suck. Our life is not terrible by any means. However, I'm hoping that this is the worst of times and that the best of times are yet to come.

I'm sure in a few years, we will look back and laugh. We make things work. We don't always work together but somehow it all works out.


10 years ago I met my future husband. I also learned that there was only one soulmate for a person. He is mine.

4 years of marriage is an accomplishment. Today we celebrate.

Ryan,
Thank you for making me the happiest girl in the world 4 years ago on this day. I will never forget it. The surprise ring, the Easter lilies, my growing belly, what we wore, our best friends, and how you demanded we not get married at the courthouse. Ha! I just wanted to pull a Britney Spears and be done with it. I'm glad you made me do it differently.
Thank you for making me smile and promising me that we will grow old together. Thank you for being the best Dad to our sweet girls. We all love you more than you will ever know.
Forever and always,
Hailey

PS- I will never be able to stand the way you brush your teeth but I will always love you.

PPS- It is time that you stop locking the bathroom door when you shower. 4 years of marriage and two children say that it is time. ;-)


"The most important thing in life is your family.
In the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." ~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

Randoms

1. The beach makes me happy.

2. So does my little family.

3. Date night Friday night was fun other than the fighting and the not speaking to my husband part. PS- If you know me, you know that I was definitely NOT the one that was not speaking. Stupid fight. It's over now. Thank goodness.

4. We had dinner at Shepard's Point in Morehead. I had a old school spinach salad with the best hot bacon dressing I've ever tasted and for my entree... fried chicken and waffles. This was probably the most fattening meal I've ever eaten. It was different. It was too odd not to order. I'm glad I did but I don't think I've ever order it again.

5. We attended a princess birthday party this weekend. All went well except for a small altercation between my child, the birthday princess, a toy key and the birthday princess' eye. Fun times.

6. We had the awesome opportunity to have two date nights this weekend. Saturday night we headed to one of my all time favorite restaurants, The Flying Shamrock. I had the Killarney Wrap which consisted of Sliced Grilled Chicken with melted Provolone Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato and Buffalo Sauce on a Spinach Flour Tortilla that was warmed in the sandwich press. The meal was complete the an awesome pasta salad. I also ate most of Ryan's Mile High Hot Sauce on my wrap because it was freaking delicious. It is made in a small town near ours and you should try it. If you are not from around here, you can order it online.

7. We watched the Blind Side tonight. Great movie. I cried a little.

8. Caroline went to bed Saturday night at 7:30 and slept till almost 9am Sunday morning. The chick was tired.

9. Bug fell Friday and hurt her knee Friday. It bled a little. She dealt with it well. She was proud of her booboo. Until today, after falling time and time again while playing putt-putt. Blood was running down her leg. Poor thing. Hopefully it will heal soon.

10. Cape Cod's Sweet and spicy Jalapeno chips are my new favorite. Thank you Ryan for introducing me.

11. I still have not received my order from Kelly's Kids. I was told it would ship this past Wednesday. I checked the status of my order Wednesday morning and it backordered even longer. I should cancel but I really want that dress for Caroline. When you see it, you will know why. It is beautiful!
My plan of action is as follows, I will call everyday at 4pm and speak with management about the status of my order. This will ensure that the backorder status will not keep changing. I can make their lives a living hell and by making a late afternoon call everyday... that should get it done. {Big thanks to my friend Jeff for the idea. You are awesome.}

12. On average my children say "Mama" or some form of the word AT LEAST 240,000 times a day. It has become obsessive and major thought is being put toward an effort to change my name. Any ideas are welcome.

13. I am done for tonight. I will write later. My book and bathtub are calling my name.

BUT... I can't leave without sharing a few more pictures.

The small things are what matter most

There is this perfect moment that I don't hear often. In the past week, I've heard it twice.

It only lasts for a few seconds but when it is over your world is refreshed, renewed.

It first happened last Friday afternoon on the beach with the hubs.

There was a moment when the waves were quiet. When I was between words in my book. When I had just inhaled and their was a pause before my exhale. The wind stopped for a second.

It was perfect.

That moment, that quiet, that rest, was perfection. I dream that is what my Heaven will be like.

I've never heard that perfect moment until now. Maybe it's because I'm trying to learn how to not take life for granted so I am noticing the small things.

Next time you are on the beach. Take your time. It will happen when you least expect it. When it happens you will know it.

For a small moment the whole world is at rest and all is right in the world.

That quiet is forever-changing.

Punk.

We have a new sleeping partner and I don't know how to feel about it.

I guess I shouldn't say "we" have a new sleeping partner because it is just Ryan. He has decided to throw a big, long body pillow right in the middle of the bed each night. It is driving me nuts.

I do not cuddle and I don't want Ryan to touch me when I sleep but now, there is a barrier there.

Where the bed was open before, it isn't now. If I get cold, I can't roll over and warm up next to my husband. I have to roll over and warm up next to my husband's body pillow.

I don't want to be like Lucy and Ricky. I don't want to sleep in separate beds. I have a feeling it is coming though. First the pillow then the separate beds. This is what our life has come to.

I confronted him about it last night when we got in bed. My confrontations don't normally go smoothly. I just threw the pillow off the bed and laid down. He picked it up and put it back. WTH? Then I yelled for a minute, he laughed, and rolled over. It wasn't funny. At.all.

I hate your stupid pillow, Ryan. It sucks and I hate it. Too bad, I'm about to go hide it.

Who's laughing now punk?

Tick-off Tuesday.

Thanks to Carrie, I now have one day a week that I don't feel bad for bitching. It is awesome and I love it. Thanks, Carrie for this brain-child you call Tick-off Tuesday.
-------------------------------

This week, I am going to rant about my husband. His name... Ryan. What ticks me off... lots of things.
I think it is best if I make a list.

1. He doesn't close drawers or cabinets. If he opens a drawer to get a shirt, he doesn't close the drawer. If he opens a cabinet to get a plate, he doesn't close the cabinet. Why? I don't know ask him.
Just close the cabinet. Just close the drawer. It is not that serious of a situation. It takes about .56 more seconds to just hit the cabinet so that it closes.

2. He knocks on the walls. I mean, he will randomly break out in a beat on the wall. WTH? The first time, we might break down and dance. By number 6 of the day, we are over it. It is totally annoying to us {meaning me and the children}.

3. Have I ever told you how much I hate to hear him brush his teeth? Oh my good gracious. It is awful. He has to get up super early for work. The sounds he makes use to wake me up from a dead sleep. God blessed my by teaching me to sleep through that ordeal. I should video him brushing his teeth so that you people get the full effect of how awful it is. I cringe when I hear it. It is equivalent to the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So, that is it. That is my Tick-off Tuesday.

PS- I love you, Ryan.

Did you know he was famous?

I don't pretend to like wine.

I really like it.

I have said before, I don't "know" wine. I can tell you a little bit. I know how to "properly" wine taste but give me a cheap glass of Schmitt Riesling or a cheap glass of Duplin County Black River Red and I'm game.

Last weekend for date night I wanted to go to a little place called Southern Exposure. I love their pork chop with a BBQ drizzle. Served up with a mac & cheese noodle cake and collards. This is delicious at its best. So yum!! {If you live in our area and you have never been... you are missing out. It is fabulous!}

Anyway, Ryan had different plans. Since we had been to Southern Exposure before, he wanted to try something different. We went to The Bistro at the Duplin County Winery.

I was super excited.

First of all, I have been wanting to go to the winery for a while. It is about a 50 minute drive so it is never the first place to come to mind on date night. Secondly, as mentioned above I have a thing for their Black River Red. Their Queen Ann's Revenge is also delicious but a bit on the expensive side for a Duplin County wine.

So, off we went. Ryan called and made a 7:45 reservation. I was more than excited on the ride there. I pictured this big beautiful building, in the midst of a grape vineyard. I pictured this big beautiful bar with tons of people wine tasting.

I was obviously picturing something in Napa because when we got there, I said, "WTH? This is it?"

Ryan looked at me like I was crazy. "Yeah," he said, "What were you expecting?"

I rolled my eyes, "Not Cracker Barrel."

Seriously, that is what it looked like. Just an old wooden building off a little country road, in the middle of a town that no one has ever heard of. No big, beautiful building. No grapes. No Napa.

"Maybe it will be better on the inside. There has got to be wine," I thought to myself.

We walk into Cracker Barrel The Winery and this kid who was about 16 asked if we would like to have a wine tasting.

SCORE! I am all about a wine tasting, my friends. I am that crazy chick that drinks every glass and never use my spit cup. No need to give this wino a spit cup. I drink every drop.

After browsing the wines, I know what I want to try. So does Ryan.

We walk to the bar and there is no one around. Shouldn't a complimentary wine tasting bar on a Friday night at 7:30 be jammed packed? Nope. Not that night.

"Can we try "Sweet Caroline"?" Ryan asked the wine guy.

"Ummm. Yeah." the wine guy said.

Then he did it. He poured a sample for one of us. He never gave us the other glass. Ryan and I had to share one small sample of wine out of the same wine glass. WTH?

Then the guy just walked away. Never offered for us to try anything else. Never asked how we like "Sweet Caroline". Nothing. That was it.

Strike number two.

Seriously, this is NOT what I was expecting... AT ALL!

Whatever. I was pissed bummed and we decided to go to The Bistro early.

Good thing we made a reservation because there was only a total of 7 other parties in the whole restaurant. Don't you hate that? Everyone tells you that you better make a reservation or you will never get a seat. So you do. Then you get there and there is no one there. Ugh!

At least we got to sit down and drink wine {a beer for Ryan of course}.

We immediately began looking at the menu. Ryan decided on a Hawaiian ribeye and I decided on a Shrimp Sarah.

After ordering, we started looking around. The atmosphere was awful. The tables looked like something from a local country grill here in our small town. The chairs were those bright silver chairs with the carpet cushions. Oh, you know the ones. The ones in the conference room of your elementary school. Little things like that turn me off from a restaurant. {Side note: I don't like eating in the dining room of Rucker Johns because I hate the hotel carpet. If we eat there, we have to sit in the bar.}

Strike three.

The food better be awesome, I thought.

They brought our salads. I had a Caesar salad. It was good. It is hard to mess that up.

Then they brought crescent rolls. SCORE! My favorite!

Then it started happening. These women started walking by our table. They would get up from their table, walk by our table, walk out in the lobby, and then walk back by. Each one would only look at Ryan and they would smile. Ok. I had only had one glass of wine so I wasn't drunk. I looked at Ry, "WTH? Why do they keep walking by and smiling at you? How weird."

Then he said it... the dumbest thing he has ever said, "They think that I'm famous."

I could NOT contain my laughter. If you know Ryan, you know that he looks like no one famous. Haha!

Anyway, about the time he said that another lady was walking by for the THIRD time and stopped to smile at him. It was the funniest thing that has ever happened to us! How random and strange!

Let's just say that was the highlight of my night. Well, that and the bottle of Black River Red Ry bought me.

Dinner was good. Nothing to brag about. Ryan's steak was better than my shrimp.

Anyway, if you decide to try it out beware of rude wine tasting people. There will be no need to make a reservation if you go on a Friday night. Don't waste your cell phone minutes to call them. Watch out for strange ladies that think your husband may or may not be someone "famous". Be sure to get a few bottles of wine. You will definitely need them when you get home.

We probably will not be making a trip back to Duplin County any time soon. Maybe next time I mention Southern Exposure, he will just take me there. ;-)