Hoover is back!

I have a terrible hair loss issue.

I swear, some days I wonder why I'm not bald.

After googling, I have come to the conclusion that I don't lose an extreme amount of hair. It just appears that way because my hair is so long and black.

Anyway, with that said you can only imagine the pain and suffering my vacuum cleaner goes through.

We have been married for 5 years (on April 21st to be exact) and I have had 4 vacuum cleaners.

I wish I could bring myself to buy a Dyson. Any time I go to Lowes or Target, I take a stroll down the vacuum aisle and affectionately pet each Dyson I pass.

When we moved, I announced it was time for a new vacuum. Reason: I could have made a wig with the amount of hair that was wrapped about the spinning brush on the old one.

No Dyson, but Ryan did purchase me this bad boy. It's a Hoover. I am partial to the name Hoover for the simple fact there is a Dr. Hoover that could pass for McSteamy. No joke.

Anyway, we took her out of the box and carefully put her pieces together.

I vacuumed... three times and she broke down.

Of course when I yelled that she was broken, Ryan said choice words and ultimately blamed be for breaking her.

I cried... knowing it wasn't my fault but still very sad that a vacuum that I used three times BROKE! (FYI: The spinning brush would not spin and neither would the belt. The belt was not broken, it just would not spin.)

She sat in the corner for a week... alone with a canister full of dust.

I finally found the receipt so that Ryan could take her back and get a new one.

I was so excited.

I put the new one together and gently placed it in the corner so that she could set sail on her maiden voyage the next morning.

The next morning, on my way home from preschool drop off, Ryan called.

"Hello?" I said.

"You've broken the damn vacuum cleaner again." he forcefully said into the phone.

"I haven't even used the damn vacuum cleaner yet so shut your face. What is wrong with it now?"

"The cord. It won't go in and there is no button to make that happen." he said.

"Pshhh. Are you kidding me right now?"

Silence.

In my best mocking tone I said, "Slowly, pick up your left foot. There will be a lever on the vacuum that you will hit when your knee and hip are almost level. Hold that button down with your foot and..."

I heard a loud "ZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP"!

I started clapping.

CLICK!

He hung up on me.

I'm married to a man that can do insane math in his head but can't figure out how to work the retractable cord on a vacuum.

Be jealous.