Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Toddler Tantrum BS

I got an e-mail that had a link titled: 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.

I didn't want to even read the stupid article.

Articles like this just make me angry.

To be honest, Caroline never had tantrums as  a young child.

Now that she is almost six, we have them on a daily basis.

Emma will be 4 in September and she can throw a mean tantrum.

I am talking throw myself on the floor, kick and scream tantrum.

It is so awesome.

What is even more awesome is that fact that they will ALWAYS throw at least one tantrum a week in a public place.

I am pretty sure the Piggly Wiggly has a picture of me and both children hanging in the office with a big WARNING label beside it.

If they haven't called DSS on me by now, I have NO idea why.

My children stand up in carts, yell, scream, fight... all while I am pushing the big car style grocery cart.

While my children are being nutjobs, I am taking down displays on the end of the aisle with my cart.

Anyway, back to tantrums.

The stupid article stated a few tips for "taming" a tantrum.

I am NOT a lion tamer, people.

A lion would probably be easier than taming a 5 or 3 year old tantrum.

The article is called 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.  However, they listed seven.  Whatever.  Clue numero uno that these people are probably idiots and have no children.

Tip Number One:  Don't Lose Your Cool
I ALWAYS fail at this.  I will ALWAYS lose my cool.  I embarrass myself more than my kids embarrass me.  The more I try to get a grip on their behavior, the worse they get.  Then I have a breakdown!

Tip Number Two:  Remember that You the Adult
Psh!  I sure as hell don't feel like it when I want to lay in the middle of the floor and cry.

Tip Number Three:  Use Time-outs Sparingly
What planet was this author born?  Time-outs have NEVER worked for my children.  NEVER.  At least I can check off tip #3.  I am sooo good at using time-outs sparingly because I don't use them at all!  Score one for ME!!

Tip Number Four: Talk It Over Afterward
These are the best conversations ever.

"Caroline, you cannot say hate.  You definitely cannot say "I HATE YOU!"  Do you understand?"

"Can I have some drink?"

"Caroline, do you hear me?  DO NOT use the word hate again."

"I think I want Pepsi."

"Don't say hate or I will take you to the doctor to get the nice shot."

"No, I think I want orange juice."

"Do you hear me?"

"Yep!  Orange Juice.  Hey, Mom!  Can I have some orange juice?"

Kill me now.

Tip Number Five:  Let Your Child Know You Love Him/Her
Read tip five.  I give her the orange juice she asks for and I am "the best mom EVERRR!"

"I love you, Big!"

"I love you too, Mom!"

Tip Number Six:  Try to Head Off Tantrum-inducing Situations
"Pay attention to which situations push your child's buttons..."

Ummm... everything pushes my children's buttons.  Seriously.

It never comes at a certain time during the day.  They just come, beat the hell out of me, and then life continues.

Tip Number Seven:  Watch for Signs of Overstress
We live in OVERSTRESS.  Welcome!

My favorite quote in the article is "if your child is hurting himself or others, seek help".

Does it count if I think about ripping my face off on a daily basis?

Maybe I am the one that needs to seek help.

Pray for me.

No comments: