Not Me! Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not plan on switching rooms with Caroline this weekend. Meaning, I want Caroline and Emma to move into my room and I am going to move our stuff into Caroline's room.

I did not sit around all weekend instead.

Caroline is not calling everyone a "damnass" which means dumbass.

"Come on lady. Move!" Caroline chimed in, "MOVE DAMNASS!"
"CAROLINE WHERE ARE YOU?" "I'm fine, damnass!"

I do not blame my husband AND myself for this. We both say it. I can't deny it.

I am not ignoring her.

Do you remember when she did not say bullship all of the time. That passed so maybe this will too.

My freaking stove/oven is not broken.

I did not whip up my super secret french toast recipe this morning... and dip my first piece of bread... and throw it on the frying pan... only to find that the pan was not hot. Neither was the burner. Fabulous. To add to the fabulous-ness I didn't get my freaking french toast.

I did not feed my children blueberries instead.

I did not find my favorite wine in the most unlikely of places. SCORE! It was only $9.34. Double score!

I am not using my microwave with no turntable thing. My plates/bowls are still turning. You just have to balance your plate/bowl on the center turning knob type thing and TA-DA... it turns.

I did not make my washing machine smoke this week. Nope, not me.

I did not have a conversation with myself that went a little something like this:
"I may have overloaded that washer."
"Hummmm. Should I go check? Nope. Baby is screaming. I'll check on it later. It will be fine."
Few minutes later...
"What smells like smoke? What/who is on fire?"
Walk into my kitchen. Smoke everywhere. Open laundry room door. Smoke billows out. Look at washer. It is smoking.
"Holy... what do I do now? I totally have to wash those clothes before the hubs gets home. He has no panties. He is going to be ticked."

I did not forget to turn it to an extra large load. I most definitely did not wash an extra large load on small load. WHAT? FYI when you do this... your washer will smoke.

When the hubs got home, he did not ask if I had washed his clothes.

I did not look at him and say, "Well... technically... yes." "What does that mean?" he asked. "Ummm... well... I had a malfunction. Well, really the washer had a malfunction. It started smoking... and I don't mean it start smoking cigarettes. There was billowing smoke that took over the whole laundry room and kitchen."

He did not respond by just looking at me. He did not just stare. Whatev.

I did not admit that I had a new lover in my life. I am not writing a post about my new love affair.

Do not act excited at all. DO NOT!