Anacodas.

Telephone rings.

Me: "Hello?"

Anna: "You will not freaking believe what just happened to me!"

Me: "Dear God. What?"

Anna: "I left your house and came home. I was waiting for the garage door to open and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I look. It was a freaking anaconda. He lifted his head and looked at me. He looked at me. IN THE EYES! I didn't know what to do so... I called Dad." Keep in mind, people, that my dad is a UPS driver in a town about 45 minutes away.

Me: "What the heck did you call him for?"

Anna: "Well, I told him there was a freaking anaconda in our driveway."

Me: "Anna. Be serious. What is he going to do about it?"

Anna: "Well, I told him he had to come home. RIGHT NOW!"

There was silence.

Anna: "He laughed. Then, he told me to kill it."

Me: "WHAT? Don't don't even touch dogs much less kill snakes."

Anna: "Anyway. Daddy George came and killed it. Threw it in the woods.

Me: "Tell me, how big was this "anaconda"?"

Anna: "Ummm... pretty big. I'd say about three feet."