Tuesday, March 16, 2010

RHOC. . . Hailey Style

I have a love for all things Bravo TV. I really do.

I will watch anything that comes on Bravo.

With that being said, I have an obsession with the Real Housewives. I am a lover of all of the Housewives. My obsession has rubbed off on my husband who secretly enjoys watching rerun episodes with me.

This season of the Real Housewives of Orange County has been a total train wreck. It seriously is. You don't want to look at what is left of the train, people, track, etc. However, you can't seem to keep yourself from looking.

It is sad.

It should honestly be called Real Housewives of SKANK.

In random order here are my thoughts on the crazies...

- Vicki,
You are a nutjob and dish a lot of BS out but can't take any back. You are a wimp with a big ass and a lot of money. If you don't come back next season, I will be ok with that. By the way, NEVER wear that white dress that you wore to the last party of the summer {last episode} EVER again. It looked like my two small children were wrapped up in the ass area of that spandex dressed. Oh gawd. I just threw up in my mouth again.


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- Gretchen,
I like you. It is ok that you are a gold digger. I am all about it. I will be the first to tell, Lord forbid something ever happen to Ryan and I have to marry again... I will not be marrying for love. It will totally be a money thing. More power to you sister. However, Slade is gross. I gag in my mouth every time I see him. White linen pants on him are the most disgusting. I also want to tell you pretty little Gretchen, that just because you have a college degree doesn't mean that you know how to raise children. To be honest with you, NONE of us know how to raise children. We just close our eyes, cross our fingers and pray to dear Jesus that our children don't end up crazy nutjobs. So, shutup you dumbass. You have an ugly mad/cry face. Gross.


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- Lynne,
Are you really that stupid? Your face lift sucks. You need to learn how to turn your head again. You can't even turn your head. Weird. I think you fell in a bath tub full of acid and it has screwed up all up. I'm.just.sayin'. Also, your children need their asses beat. It doesn't take much. Cut them off financially (that should be the easy part since your family is in a crunch) and beat the hell out of them. You can either do that OR you could make them drink loads of alcohol until they vomit and then laugh at them when they wake up with a massive hangover.
PS- Your life sucks. It is time for change.


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- Tamra,
You are the biggest skank of all. You would have eaten Simon's poo if he told you it was chocolate. I understand that your son Ryan has issues. However, you totally abandoned him because Simon was mad that he borrowed your car while you were out of town. Really? You suck as a mom. That should win you the suckiest mom of the year award. You also are a biker. Really? There is nothing wrong with a biker. However, how do you go from Louboutins to a Harley? I'm.just.sayin'. You also tattooed Simon's name on your ring finger. So glad that that marriage worked out for you. Now, you still have his name on your finger. Stupid. Why did you lie to Simon about how your truly felt? You hated him. You hated your marriage yet you let it continue. You are gross and I don't like you. Now that you are divorced, you are all smiles. Nobody is that happy, you freak, especially after a divorce. I think you are crazy and that you need to take massive amounts of medication. Your poor children.


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- Alexis,
"Let's join hands and pray." That.is.all. Idiot.


PS- I totally dress just like that to feed my children their lunch. Why? Because I'm hot just like you. {Gross}


Love always despite my bitter hatred,
Loyal RHOC fan

6 comments:

Meredith said...

Lord you had me laughing so hard people at work were staring at me like I was a crazy person! I personally can't stand Gretchen. She is a cry baby. And I laugh so hard when I see Lynne bc her face is horrible and she is SOOOOO stupid!

Gavin and Family said...

I totally agree and my husband watches the show the first time it comes on and the re-run!

Lynne- horrible face lift
Tamra-FAKE
Alexis-"AMEN"

HAHA this was really funny!

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

Amen! Perfectly said!

Jamie said...

I agree. I don't record it but catch it sometimes and it only proves true that no matter what, some people can never be happy and other's will always be nut-jobs!

Ashley said...

i have watched it for a few years now and i miss jeanna. i thought lauri was my fave until the last episode of this season - why should she or anyone else care who gretchen dates? gretchen is my new fave. and alexis makes me made miss mom of 3 yeah with 2 nannies! geez, life must be hard with all that hired help. and vicki i detest. you are spot on with the dishing it out but not taking the criticism.

Ashley said...

i have watched it for a few years now and i miss jeanna. i thought lauri was my fave until the last episode of this season - why should she or anyone else care who gretchen dates? gretchen is my new fave. and alexis makes me made miss mom of 3 yeah with 2 nannies! geez, life must be hard with all that hired help. and vicki i detest. you are spot on with the dishing it out but not taking the criticism.