Friday, September 25, 2009

Deals and baby.

Last year, at this exact moment... I was making deals with God. {Today? I am walking around Busch Gardens.}

Are you even suppose to do that? It is "ok" to make deals with God?

"If you just make me stop throwing up my brains, I will stop saying cuss words."

"If you just make me better, I will be a better person. I will. I promise."

I thought death was knocking at my door. I would peel my 32 week preggo self off of the bathroom floor and slowly crawl back to the bed. I would be right back in the bathroom 10 minutes later.

Ryan slept.

Caroline slept.

I laid there. Making deals. I swore off Chinese food. I thought to myself, "Damn food poisoning. WTH?"

As I laid there and prayed for sleep... and I prayed for Caroline to stay asleep. I also waited for the sun. "The sun brings a new day. I have to be getting better. I can't get much worse," I told myself. "Bring the sun."

Ryan got up and went to work. Before he left, he brought me Gatorade. It was yellow flavored and I still gag thinking about it.

Don't you worry. I threw it up about 10 minutes after I drank it.

Finally, the sun peeked in through the blinds. Morning. I grabbed the phone to call my Mom. I told her that I had been throwing up since 12am. Throwing up about every 20-30 minutes. I had a doctors appointment. I knew I wouldn't make it there without getting sick. She said I really needed to go in but she would call the office and see if she could bump me back a little while. She called back a little after 8. They wanted to see me at 10:45. Be serious!

Nana and Daddy George came to get Caroline. I threw up. I got in the shower. I threw up. I laid down in the bed. I felt a little better. "Keep it together, Hailey." I threw on my brown gauchos that got me through both pregnancies and decided to wear a super cute top. It was maternity. It was the only maternity item I bought. I had to wear it.

I grabbed Nabs and a Pepsi. I hopped in the car and off I went. I slowly ate my crackers and slowly drank my Pepsi. "Please stay on my stomach. Please stay on my stomach."

I made it to the doctor's office without throwing up. SCORE!

I made it inside without puking. SCORE!

I sat in the waiting room without spewing green everywhere. SCORE!

I made it to the back. Thank God!

The lady took my blood pressure. All cheerfulness drained from her face. She told me to sit back and relax. She took it again. She wrote something in my file. I waited.

She handed me a cup with HL written on the front. Funny how they assume you know that you are suppose to pee in that little cup. I wonder if they have ever gotten any other surprises.

Anyway, I sat in the bathroom for what felt like days. I laid my pounding head against the smooth cold wall. I wanted to just sit there. I didn't want to move. Finally, I peeled myself up and looked into the cup.

"This is not good."

"Should I tell the nurse that I am concerned."

I put the cup in the window.

I walked around, saw the nurse and said, "Ummm. I don't think my tee-tee is suppose to be that dark." She opened the door and made a noise like no other. I can't even describe it. It was somewhere between the sound a horse makes and the sound a moose makes. Weird.

FYI: I am about to share TOO MUCH INFO!

The tee-tee. Yeah, it totally looked like Bojangles sweet tea. Think about me the next time you take a big gulp of that stuff.

The nurse practically made me run to a room and lay in the dark and wait.

I waited.

I cried.

I begged.

I prayed.

"I am only 32 weeks pregnant. My baby will be in NICU. My baby will be sick. Please God don't let this happen. Just make it stop."

The door slowly opened and Dr. L popped his little head in. He whispered my name and walked in the dark, cool room. "Hailey. I'm going to have to send you to the hospital ok?" Start the waterworks. "You are going to be fine. Your blood pressure is super high. You have 4+ protein in your urine. I need to get you help and you need it now." I wanted to scream. I wanted to just say, "It was the Chinese food! I just have food poisoning! It can't be this bad." Instead, I just cried. "Hailey," Dr. L whispered as he gently stroked my hair, "Is your mom working?" Somehow I got a yes to come out through the tears. Still stroking my hair, "I'm about to call her. I want her to come pick you up and take you back to the hospital, ok?" I don't think I ever answered. I just laid in the dark, cool room and waited. Waited for... I didn't know. I didn't know what was going to happen. I think that was the scariest thing of all. The not knowing. The waiting and the not knowing what was going on.

Mom came.

I cried.

I yelled at her in the parking lot. She was trying to comfort me. She is my Mom. That is what Mom's do, you know. They comfort their children. "Hailey, everything is going to be fine. Dr. W is at the hospital today. They are all there waiting for you. You and this baby are going to be fine."


Looking back at that moment, I think my Mom was saying that I would be fine to make herself believe it too. It is almost as if you say something out loud, it will come true. Have you ever done that before?

We got to the hospital after a short ride.

I told my Mom what I felt like there was a cinderblock on my head. It was getting worse and I just needed to lay down.


I need to call Ryan.

Where is Ryan?

I need Ryan.

I called. He didn't answer. He never answers.

My head hurt worse.

After sitting, shaking, praying, and begging, I made it through the whole admitting process without losing my insides.

Then I did something I still don't understand.

I walked.

I walked to the second floor.

I walked through the double doors to labor and delivery. Little did I know, I would not be walking out.

Fast forward an hour.

Mom had gotten up with Ryan. He was on the way.

I was hooked up to magnesium sulfate and getting super hot.

I had a fabulous nurse. I can't ever remember her name, but she rocked.

When Ryan got there, I felt a relief.

No one had really told us what was going on and we didn't think it was that big of a deal.

That's when I went blind.

I had my eyes open. I couldn't see.

"Mama. I can't see."

No one was listening to me. They were all talking.

"Ryan. I can't see."

He never hears me so I wasn't surprised when he didn't answer.

"My eyes are open... but I can't see," I said and I put my finger on my eyeball just to make sure I wasn't going crazy. I wanted to make sure my eye was really open.

Then Mom asked me to hand her something. "Mama. I can't see. My eyes are open but I can't see anything." She says that at that moment it hit her like a ton of bricks how sick I was.

My brain was swelling making me go blind.

What was I to do? I wanted to freak out. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get better. I wanted to see again. All I could do though, was close my eyes {or keep the open.. it didn't matter in my case} and go to sleep. They gave me sleeping medicine. I had to sleep. It was the only way to keep from freaking out.

Mom said that Dr. W sat on my bed and held my hand and told me a long story about fishing on the river. I don't remember it. I do remember him telling me he was going to send me to a bigger hospital. He told me that my baby would be born soon and he wanted me to be with my baby.

So, off I go. In an ambulance with the sirens blaring. Neither my Mom nor Ryan could ride me with and that was scary. They had to follow in a car behind us. They actually beat us to the hospital and they were right there when I got inside.

I had my vision back. It was blurry, but I could see. Thank you, God!

The rest of the laboring experience... was... umm, labor. I was so hot from the Mag that Mama, Nana and Lesley had cold towels all over my body.

Then suddenly, Mama says that I got really cold. I don't remember that part. Mama said I was shaking all over and wouldn't stop. I do remember the nurse bringing me a hot blanket. Oh, how I love a hot blanket.

I also had a student come in during labor and ask me when my baby was born and how my labor went. Thank goodness for her that I was out of it because I would have gone nuts. I was clearly in labor and clearly in pain.

My platelets got down to 26,000. That was the last check I heard anyway. I don't know if they got lower than that. Anyway, I couldn't have a epidural because of my low platelets.

Anyway, after what seemed like FOREVER... sometime after 12 am, in a matter of seconds, my water broke and I knew the baby was on her way. I knew I had to push and told them. They all yelled for me to wait. Question: How do you wait to have a baby? Do you know how difficult it is to suck a baby back inside? I don't think you have any idea.

They wheeled my bed to a different room and made me crawl on a hard black table. (SIDE NOTE: Upon entering the room, they slammed my bed against the door frame... HELLO baby about popped out.)

Everyone was yelling for me to push and yelling for me to put my chin to my chest. I had a sore neck for 2 weeks after giving birth because Ryan Lafone threw my head to my chest so fast I think I had whiplash. Ha!

After about 3 pushes, I gave birth to a beautiful 2 pound 15 ounce baby girl at 12:45 am on September 26, 2008.

She was tiny. She got a 5 and 7 on her APGAR. She went on CPAP for a short time and was off and breathing on her own by the time everyone was able to see her. We were so thankful for that!

We named her Emma Raegan {after much debate} and that is how we became a family of four.

It was a rough ride but we all made it. We are so thankful that everything turned out for the best. We are so thankful to have two beautiful girls that are our world.
{PS- I was severely pre-eclamptic and had HELLP syndrome. That is why I was so sick.}

On a side note: Ryan has just recently decided to talk about this whole experience a bit. If you know Ryan, you know that he is not an emotional person and doesn't talk about mushy stuff. Ha!

We were talking one day and someone asked what Emma looked like when she came out. I just remember she was really purple. Ryan spoke up, "Umm, dead. She looked dead. I thought she was. I thought she was dead."

When we heard that sweet cry for the first time, I remember Ryan looking at me and saying, "Do you hear that? She's crying. She's crying."

We also had a placenta discussion. I had a satellite placenta with Emma. Ryan's job was to make sure that they got the whole thing. He was to make sure that the doctors knew I had a satellite placenta. Anyway, my friend and I asked him if he saw it. He coolly replied, "Yeah." What did it look like, we asked. "You have a bad placenta. It was rotten." We busted out laughing. A rotten placenta. Silly. "No babe. It is just ugly. It wasn't rotten!" Haha!

Tomorrow, look for a birthday slide show for Buggy. Tomorrow is her actual birthday! I can't believe that my baby is a year old. Where does the time go?


Diana said...

Amazing story Hailey. I can't imagine what you went through, and all the thoughts that were running through your mind. God works in mysterious ways, and his power always amazes me! You have two beautiful girls that I know you adore so much! Happy Birthday Emma!

Krystyn said...

I'm so glad that everything worked out for you. It's amazing how quickly things went from bad to worse. I'm glad you mom got you to the doctor and the hospital in time.

Jamie said...

I know that was probably the scariest time of your entire life! Thank God for that little miracle that is about to be one!