Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Confessions of a SAHM

Dear Husband,

I have a few confessions to make. Yes, confessions.

Let me start off by saying... I'm sorry.

Confession Numero Uno... I DO secretly use your razor. I then secretly dry it off and place it back in the exact same spot I took it from. For this, I am sorry. Let me explain. Your razor blades are better than mine. Your razor gives me the smoothest legs. I'm talking baby butt smooth.

Confession Number Two... You married a girl that can't wash clothes. I know that you are aware of this though. In our short 3 years of marriage, I understand that I have destroyed at least 7 of your Polo shirts. I am not even going to mention all the t-shirts and pants that have been ruined. Pens. Ink pens. They, my husband, were the cause of death to your clothing. We got past it. Than, I washed a paycheck AND about $185 dollars. We found $85 of it. It was nice, crisp, washed and dried. $100 was never found. The check? As you know, this was another story. It was washed to pieces. Enough about the past. I have been on a great washing streak. I should have known that today I was doomed. I began washing a load of darks on Sunday night. Today is Tuesday and they were just done washing. You see, I put them in the washer with all intentions of drying them AND folding them that day. It didn't happen. So, I REWASHED them yesterday. I never dried OR folded them. So today was the day. It was the day that they were completed. I washed them. I dried them. I began to fold. I noticed what seemed to be oily spots all over your shirts. What the H is that, I asked myself. Then I found it. ChapStick. Medicated ChapStick. The same ChapStick that I have been searching for since Sunday. I wonder why I couldn't find it. So, dear husband, your clothes were not washed once OR twice BUT THREE times with ChapStick. I stashed the ChapStick quickly under the couch where it will probably stay for the next 4 months. I kindly folded your ChapStick stained clothes and put them away. So, tomorrow when you ask what those spots on your shirt are... I am going to pretend that I don't know. I am only going to pretend that I don't know because admitting that I possibly ruined more clothes is like admitting that I have been defeated. I refuse to do it. So, I have NO IDEA what those oily spots on your shirt are. Just be grateful that they are FINALLY washed and folded.

Proverbs 31:10 says, "It is hard to find an excellent wife. She is worth more than rubies."

How much am I worth? I say I'm worth more than the Cullinan Diamond... and that, my husband, is A LOT! I'm an excellent wife. Bad washer and all. Admit it. I'm great.

Love you always,



Mira said...

Just a tip...check the pockets before you wash. Ha!

Anonymous said...

You are talking about me! I do both of those things all the time!!! I get away with the razor usage but there really isn't any disguising the ink stains all over every article of clothing in the white load. You'd think I'd learn to check pockets but I still don't.

Krystyn said...

Pens washed? Check
Money washed? Check
GUM washed and dried? Check!

Dana said...

I hate doing clothes! If Jeff could give me one thing in life that would make me the happiest girl ever it would be someone to come every week and do laundry. I hate it so much. My laundry room is full of clean clothes that have not been folded! Oh and there was the time that I washed my white nursing uniforms with a black ink pen in one of the pockets, not good! Just know you are not alone. By the way the pork chops I cooked with the special sauce where excellent!

Janell said...

You may want to bookmark thriftyfun.com - it has great stain removal tips (including chapstick and ink!) FYI - if I wash everyone's clothes in our house - each person is responsible for checking their own pockets! (including Alex).

Emily said...

ahhhh I would soo love to find that crisp 100 dollar bill... ahhh:)u are soo cute!

Kimba said...

You're post made me smile!

Wendi said...

When I come to alphabetize your spices, I am going to help you with your laundry too.
Laundry is another one of my obsessions.
I only have a few. *wink*
Have a great weekend!

Christie in Dallas, TX said...

This is too funny! I gave up on laundry years ago -- mine goes to the cleaners, and my husband does his own. And now we rarely argue!

DramaCity said...

Too funny...sounds like my life x 7 of us! I did make him compromise with me...for $30 a month...I don't IRON a thing!! :)