Confessions of a SAHM

Dear Husband,

I have a few confessions to make. Yes, confessions.

Let me start off by saying... I'm sorry.

Confession Numero Uno... I DO secretly use your razor. I then secretly dry it off and place it back in the exact same spot I took it from. For this, I am sorry. Let me explain. Your razor blades are better than mine. Your razor gives me the smoothest legs. I'm talking baby butt smooth.

Confession Number Two... You married a girl that can't wash clothes. I know that you are aware of this though. In our short 3 years of marriage, I understand that I have destroyed at least 7 of your Polo shirts. I am not even going to mention all the t-shirts and pants that have been ruined. Pens. Ink pens. They, my husband, were the cause of death to your clothing. We got past it. Than, I washed a paycheck AND about $185 dollars. We found $85 of it. It was nice, crisp, washed and dried. $100 was never found. The check? As you know, this was another story. It was washed to pieces. Enough about the past. I have been on a great washing streak. I should have known that today I was doomed. I began washing a load of darks on Sunday night. Today is Tuesday and they were just done washing. You see, I put them in the washer with all intentions of drying them AND folding them that day. It didn't happen. So, I REWASHED them yesterday. I never dried OR folded them. So today was the day. It was the day that they were completed. I washed them. I dried them. I began to fold. I noticed what seemed to be oily spots all over your shirts. What the H is that, I asked myself. Then I found it. ChapStick. Medicated ChapStick. The same ChapStick that I have been searching for since Sunday. I wonder why I couldn't find it. So, dear husband, your clothes were not washed once OR twice BUT THREE times with ChapStick. I stashed the ChapStick quickly under the couch where it will probably stay for the next 4 months. I kindly folded your ChapStick stained clothes and put them away. So, tomorrow when you ask what those spots on your shirt are... I am going to pretend that I don't know. I am only going to pretend that I don't know because admitting that I possibly ruined more clothes is like admitting that I have been defeated. I refuse to do it. So, I have NO IDEA what those oily spots on your shirt are. Just be grateful that they are FINALLY washed and folded.

Proverbs 31:10 says, "It is hard to find an excellent wife. She is worth more than rubies."

How much am I worth? I say I'm worth more than the Cullinan Diamond... and that, my husband, is A LOT! I'm an excellent wife. Bad washer and all. Admit it. I'm great.

Love you always,

Hay