I'm in love.

I have a little something to tell everyone.

I have fallen hard.

I am so in love.

In love with infomercials.

OH MY GAWD!

I am always, "LOOK! NO REALLY! LOOK! HOW COOL IS THAT? WE TOTALLY NEED IT!!"

Check this out. Fix It Pro. A little marker that can totally get scratches out. I mean watch the video. They make it look so real by actually scratching a car with a nail and FIXING IT! WHAT? Tell me that is not the coolest ever!

How about the Topsy Turvy? Want to grow your tomatoes upside down? I sure do. Totally the coolest ever. According to my Dad (the UPS guy) they totally don't work. He said he had delivered a few and the people were having issues with their fabulous Topsy Turvy. Bummer.

Want to cook your pasta in the microwave? Check out the Pasta N More.

How about when the ShamWow guy throws that yellow cloth, known as the ShamWow, in the glass pie plate and it sucks up all that water! How about WOW?!

Do you forget to water your plants? Try the Aqua Globe. My favorite part of the infomercial is the when they put a huge "X" over the ugly dead plants. Ha. Makes me laugh every time.

I am a sucker for infomercials.

How cool is this shiz?

It's probably all crap but I seriously love all of the ideas.

A+ for effort!

We have a pet pig... you just never knew it.

Last night I let Caroline lay in the bed with me.

We were watching Charlotte's Web to help us go to sleep.

Caroline leaned over and whispered, "I love you, Mommy."

Melt my heart into a million pieces.

Then she ended the conversation by telling me NOT to tell her Daddy. WHAT!

She also asked for a pig. A black one. She wanted him to live in her house.

I told her we had a pig. She looked at me funny. I told her that his name was Daddy.

Just pay for it.

My dad is not the type of guy that likes plastic women.

Anyway, while sitting at the beach this weekend, drinking a Pomegranate Raspberry Bartles & Jaymes (for the first time), with my gut hanging over my shorts... I had a conversation with my Dad. It went a little something like this...

Me: "So Dad, I've been thinking. I need plastic surgery."

Jay: "Whattttt? Oh, nawww."

Me: "Dad... I mean I really need it. I want a little lift of the boobs (I lifted my boobs to show the appropriate position they should be in) and a little implant. I mean not big at all. Oh, and I want laser therapy for my stretch marks."

Silence.

Me: "Dad, I NEED it... really bad. I just NEED it done."

Jay: "No. Do you know what you need? You need an ab lounge."

Everyone got a kick out of that.

Everyone but me.

Just pay for the plastic surgery, Dad.

It is inevitable. I will have boobs with or with out your help.

Obviously he is not going to help me.

So, excuse me while I go sling my boobs over my shoulders and show off my stretch marks.

Be jealous.

Another one.

These shoes are adorable and I need them. Well, really Emma needs them.

Amy has done it again!

Head over to Swag Studio for your chance to win too!

Hammers and nails and fishy tails...

... that's what little boys are made of.

Boys.

They are wired differently.

They can't help it.

I love to see how the actions of little boys and girls differ.

Exhibit A:


What? Is that a fish, you ask? Why, yes. Yes it is. Is it nailed to the dock, you ask? Why, yes. Yes it is.

First he caught it.

Then he put it under the bucket. Not in the bucket. UNDER the bucket.

He said it was "drying out."

He then found a hammer and nail.

He nailed it to the dock post.

That, my friends, is the difference between boys and girls.

Thank God I have girls.

I'll take dress up clothes over dead fish nailed to a post any day.

Swag Studio.

You all know how I am about giveaways.



Amy at Swag Studio is having a great giveaway.

This is what I'm after...


A new camera strap.

So cute, right?

Click over to Amy's blog for your chance to win!

Not Me! Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not let Caroline wear a 18-24 month shirt to her preschool program. I did not forget that she had to wear red. I did not wake up that morning in search of a red shirt. I did not layer it with a white shirt. I did not tell myself that I needed to layer it just in case she had to lift her arms in the air or something. It did not work out just fine.

I did not call my husband a jerkface in this post.

I did not think that I ripped Emma's ear off with my ring the other day. I did not cry. She did not look at me like I was a nutjob. She was not absolutely fine.

Emma did not sleep in a suitcase. I did not get the idea from this post.

We did not go to the beach this weekend.

We did not have a great time.

The suitcase did not have two small pillows and two towels for padding. I'm sure Emma did not think that it was a fluffy cloud. I was not jealous at all of her sleeping situation. I did not wonder if there was an actual suitcase big enough for me to sleep in.

I did not win cloth diapers from Andrea at The Laughs Will Go On.

I am not super excited about trying cloth diapering.

I do not think that I am going to absolutely love it.

I am not tired.

I am not going to bed.

I am not sorry that this was a short post.

I do not have a funny post for you tomorrow morning.

I will not be up and posted bright and early.

We went to the Nature Center in town a few weeks ago. It was amazing... all 20 animals.

I kid.

I mean there really were only about 20 animals but we did have a good time. They had a little train and a playground which was a plus in Caroline's book.

My favorite part was when Caroline hit a snake case and the albino snake shot his head up like he was going to eat her. She was fine with it. I almost shit wet my pants.

Time passes (on a Dora watch).

Getting three people ready to leave the house is terrible. Throw Ryan in the mix and it is AWFUL!

I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to pack bags, fix hair, brush teeth.

It is chaotic (for lack of a better word).

The other day while I am getting everything ready to leave to go to dinner, Caroline insists that I let her wear a Dora watch that she got almost a year ago for learning how to teetee in the potty. Charater decor is not my favorite as you probably know.

I put the watch on her anyway and went about my merry way.

Time passed.

I was almost ready.

Caroline opened the door, looked at her watch and said, "Mommy! Me been waiting for free minutes. Let's go!"

She obviously is her father's child. She hates to wait.

Jerkfaces unite.

A can of Pepsi fell over into the passenger seat this morning.

"Clean that up as soon as we get home," I told myself.

Yeah, well... I forgot. I just remembered about 2 minutes ago.

I sat in the Pepsi 4 hours ago. 4 HOURS AGO!

In white shorts.

Jerkface Ryan bounces down the stairs, "You have something on your ass butt."

"What? Where? What is it?"

"Something. On your ass butt. Your shorts are really dirty."

"I mean can you point to it for me. Where? Where the hell is it?"

Points to the air. "Right there."

"JUST SHOW ME! I DON'T SEE IT."

Because I was totally looking on the wrong butt cheek.

He finally points to the actual spot on my actual butt.

"OH MY GOD! WHY?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"Well, you know... umm, I saw it at the church and thought that it was too late. There was nothing you could do about it then so I just didn't say anything."

"Why wouldn't you just tell me? I could have made sure my shirt was pulled down over it at least."

Shrugs his shoulders.

The worst part, we went out to lunch afterwards. I am assuming that my Mom and Nana saw it on my butt too and just failed to tell me. I mean come on people help a sister out!

So, if you saw a crazy girl with two children and a husband who lives in lala land out and about today (at a preschool program- walking to the front of the church to take pictures) (at a local dark pizza place walking around fixing salads) with Pepsi on her ass butt, ignore her. She was flustered and had no idea that there was anything on her. Her husband who lives in lala land thought it was "too late" to tell her. Jerkface.

Double jogger strollers suck.

Meet my first true love.

Ryan says that this is my Mercedes.

Meet the mack daddy of all single jogger strollers known to man.

In the beginning, I was worried.

"JEEP? Really? I want a Phil & Ted's Bumbleride $800 stroller that I can't afford. I drive a freaking Jeep. I don't want to push a Jeep stroller."

I searched.

I found it.

I cried (I can sometimes get things by doing this).

This was it. This was the stroller I had to have.

A couple of hundred dollars later and this became my first mothers day gift. Mothers Day 2007 was fabulous.

I now have a problem. It is 2009 and I need a double jogger. Being that I have two kids, I need two seats. It is awful pushing Caroline in the stroller and wearing Emma at the same time. Talk about a work out. I should look like Marisa Miller (but I don't).

Anyway, back to the point. A double jogger.

HELP.

H-E-L-P.

Nothing compares to my Jeep Jogger.

Reasons why this stroller is the best:

1. It has Music on the Move. Meaning, I can totally hook my hand-me-down ghetto iPod to it and play music through speakers attached to the stroller. Caroline enjoys the music just as much as I do. Caroline and I have been known to bust a move or two on our walks.

2. This fabulous stroller came complete with a trusty little hand air pump and a weather shield. I have never used either one but it is nice to know that I have them.

3. How about it has a speed and distance odometer. Not only do you know how long you have been walking and how far, you know how fast you are going. It helps you to keep a steady pace (until you decide to bust a move to Prince's Kiss in the middle of the street).

4. It has two cup holders for me. This is nice because I can put my keys in one and my cellular device in the other. Don't you worry though. There are more places for my water. It has a handy dandy water bottle holder in the cargo netting that is somewhat attached to the back of Caroline's seat. Caroline's drink you ask? How about she has her very own cup holder AND snack tray!

So now, I need a double jogger that does all the same things as my trusty Jeep. I need this exact same stroller but just a double. I will love you forever and always if you find it for me. I have looked. I am over it. I am about to give up my search for the ultimate double jogger. Please help me!

Wordless Wednesday: She has wings.

All I could do was laugh annd think "what a weirdo".

Caroline's DWTS Conversation.

Dancing with the Stars came on last night.

Me: "Caroline! The dancing show is on!"

Caroline: "ME COMING!"

We dance around the leaving room kicking our leg to our nose and other silly moves.

C: "Me love dis!"

M: "Show me your dance moves."

Caroline dances like her father a maniac. During her kick flip karate chop move she suddenly stops to stare at the TV.

C: "Woah! Me see her boobies!"

Help OHmommy.

Dearest blog readers,

Meet OHmommy. I feel that we would totally be BFFs in real life. Anyway, she needs your vote for her video. Sign in to YouTube and click on the stars. Leave her a comment on her video. The top 5 YouTube videos with the most views/comments/ratings are the semi-finalists. Let's make OHmommy the winner!

Not Me! Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not let my 7 month old eat an Oreo this week.


If I did, I would not take pictures of her eating it AND pictures afterwards.



I have not been putting topsy tails in Caroline's hair this week.

I do not think that it is adorable.

Every time I fix her topsy tail, I do not think about how out of date they are.

I do not ignore my thoughts.


I am not excited that I finally got Caroline's green and pink seersucker dress.

My Mom did not order it for me in February. FEBRUARY.


I did not cook a delicious dinner of marinated pork chops, green bean bundles, and Paula Deen's corn casserole last week. Do not call me Martha Stewart.

I did not decide to try at least one new recipe a week.

Caroline does not love playing dress up.

She did not dress up in a witch dress, tutu, white fur hat, and pink feather shoes to go eat dinner at Ryan's parents house.

I most definitely would not let her such such things out of the house.

She did not throw a fit because I wouldn't let her wear her Snow White costume to Anna's soccer game.

I did not even ponder the idea of actually letting her do it because I was sick of fighting.

I did not win the dress fight by telling her that she would trip on her dress and fall off of the bleachers if she wore it. I would never scare my child like that.

Emma did not have tooth numero dos cut through this weekend. Great times. I do not need sleep. I am not a zombie by the end of the day. I did not pray that these will be her only teeth for a while.


I am not almost done with New Moon. I did not get WAY better. I cannot wait to start Eclipse!