Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've been thinking a lot lately.

Things that should bother me, things that friends say will NEVER happen to them... these things DON'T bother me. (Ok, maybe they did for a minute... but whatever. I'm over it.)

My blog is my safe place. My place where I can say anything without fear.

So here it is. I'm going to vent like I never have before.

Friend says:
"I'm only going to gain 30 pounds this pregnancy."

I say:
Good for you. I gained 40+ with Caroline. I gained about 30 with Emma and I had her at 32 weeks. What you are saying is "Hailey, you were a fat pregnant girl." I am saying WHATEVER.

Friend says:
"I think contractions are going to feel like bad gas pains."

I say:
Keep dreaming, sista. Try this on for size: Contractions feel worse than poking your own eyeballs out. But maybe they will just feel like gas for you.

Friend says:
"I'm going to eat healthy while I'm pregnant."

I say:
You go for it, girlfriend. Excuse me while I go stuff my non-pregnant face with a brownie. Talk to me when you are 30 weeks pregnant and you want to eat your arm off because you are THAT hungry. Lettuce just isn't going to cut it but whatever. I'm pulling for you. Eat up that healthy food.

Friend says:
"I BETTER NOT get stretch marks."

I say:
OK! TIMEOUT! You better talk to that little butterbean in your stomach. While you're at it, have a conversation with your skin and God. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about those marks. I have millions. Really only like 35 but still. Do I like them? No, but they are a part of life. I have them, there's nothing I can do about them (right now) so I suck it up and move on. I rubbed Palmer's all over my body when I was preggo with Caroline. It didn't help. With Emma, I did nothing. Hell... Caroline had already paved the way. Emma just made the ditches a little deeper. Whatever. I'm bringing stretch marks BACK. I'm making them cool.

Friend says:
"I will not wear a maternity bathing suit. I will wear a regular bikini."

I say:
More power to you. I didn't wear maternity clothes/bathing suits either. It was as if I was admitting I was fat if I broke down and bought maternity stuff. But a bikini? Oh nevermind, you are only going to gain 30 pounds. You will be able to pull it off.
PS- I still wear a bikini (stretch marks and all) and I HOPE it makes you throw up in your mouth a little. Whatever. I don't care.

Word to the wise: These things are hurtful to your friend. You don't say these things to your friend that has had two babies in two years, has stretch marks and saggy boobs. You don't talk about what you will and will not do until you are in that situation. I don't say anything back to my friends. I just smile and carry on wiping butts, feeding, cleaning spitup and praying for naptime. I hope they realize that I am a good mom, though. I am raising two smart, beautiful girls that are my world. Know that your words cut through me like a knife for about a second and then I looked at those two girls and realized all those stretch marks, saggy boobs and skin is worth it because I have them.

Lastly, next time a friend makes a silly comment I am just going to respond with a WHATEVER!


Amy said...

Hailey, i'm LMAO at some of that stuff! the one piece of advice that i give my friends when they find out they're prego is never say never. there are so many things that i never thought i would do when i had kids that i do now. heck i could do an entire not me monday on my parenting!

my favorite parts

QUOTE "Excuse me while I go stuff my non-pregnant face with a brownie"
yeah i ate a whole king cake the other day - totally worth it!

QUOTE "Whatever. I'm bringing stretch marks BACK. I'm making them cool."
i'm right there with you sista!

QUOTE " and I HOPE it makes you throw up in your mouth a little. Whatever. I don't care."

bahahahaha, when hubby or my dad make me mad i just lift my shirt a little so they see a little tummy and it always makes them gag! its so funny!

Amy said...

holy crap i left a long comment!

Kari said...

AMEN!!! Well put!
That's about all I can muster through my tears and laughter!

Krystyn said...

Amen, Amen, Amen. You can *try* to do all of that stuff, but in the end, that little baby is going to make you do things that are out of your control!!!!

And, I did wear a bikini preggo....because I didn't want o buy a bathing suit for 2 months!

And, I did eat like 5 cookies last night...and I'm not preggo, either!

That "friend" is delirious. Good luck to her.

Corey and Jamie said...

It's nice to vent on the blog when you can't be mean in person (I don't know how to be mean). The other day a 60 year old women gave me the finger! Can you believe that? I was shocked and I just laughed because I thought it was rediculous! She did this because I did not pull out into ongoing wilmington traffic and kill myself! Anyways...yeah I have really tried not to say things that I am or are not going to do ~ especially once the baby gets here, becuase nobody knows! But as long as my baby is healthy I don't care how many stretch marks I get or how many pounds I pack on :) I know she will be worth it!

Midwest Mommy said...

When I was pregnant with BG would you believe a "friend" said to my face in front of other woman, looking right at me,
"I hope when I get pregnant if I am gaining unnecessary weight someone tells me so I can do something about it."
I was stunned.