Sunday, November 2, 2008
Letter to Emma- Month 1
I can't believe it has been a month since you were born. It was one of the scariest times of my life. We made it though. We are tough girls that fight. What a fighter you are.
I left the hospital on the 29th of October. I had to leave you. My heart ached for weeks. I wanted you at home with me. I visited you daily and would sit with you for hours. Each night before I went to sleep, I would call your night nurse and get an update. I kept a diary for you to read. A diary of how much you weighed, how much you gained, and little fun facts about things that you did that day.
These past few weeks have been difficult. Everyone was use to the upbeat Hailey. The funny Hailey. The Hailey that doesn't let things bother her. The Hailey that has her stuff together. Well, they met the Hailey that cried on numerous occasions because you weren't at home with me. They met the sleep deprived Hailey that woke up every two hours because her body was saying feed Baby Emma but you weren't at home with us yet. They met the tired Hailey that was still trying to be a good Mommy to Caroline but still be with you too. The Hailey that was ready for things to be back to normal... whatever normal may be. At times I felt as if I had the world on my shoulders and wasn't strong enough to hold it up. But I made it. The Beatles once wrote a song that said "I get by with a little help from my friends." Thank goodness for our family and friends that kept me grounded and let me know that everything was going to be alright.
I may be strong but we all have breaking points. We all have those moments in life that we feel like we can't handle. In the beginning, there were days that I rarely smiled or laughed. Every day that passed, it took my breath away a little less when I would have to leave you. If I could make it outside without the lump in my throat rising until tears fall I was doing good.
Am I thankful? Extremely. Thankful for you and your beautiful sister. Two beautiful girls. What more could a Mom ask for? Thankful for our family and friends. Thankful for a healthy baby girl.
Like I said before you are a fighter. You were 32 weeks old and you were breathing on your own less than 2 hours after you were born. You were on CPAP for a short time right after you were born. I am amazed by your strength.
There is always good, there is sometimes bad, and most of the time it is chaotic around here. My world has been all three this month. Things are getting better now. Things are slowly getting back to normal (again, whatever normal may be). No matter what... whether it's good, bad or chaotic... I wouldn't trade being a mommy for the world.
Happy One Month Em-Em. Welcome home.
Love Always and Forever,
PS- You came home on October 26th. Exactly one month after you were born. :-)
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13