I am...

I am a... doctor with amazing healing powers. I can heal all wounds with a simple kiss and an occasional Disney Princess Band-Aid.

I am a... lawyer with a high success rate in resolving disputes in a matter of seconds.

I am an... engineer. I can put together a Cozy Coupe and they clearly require an engineering degree to do so.

I am an... event planner with uncanny skills in arranging playdates and outings to keep my sanity.

I am a... mathematician who can equally divide pieces of candy to suit all recipients.

I am a... dental hygienist who has learned how to successfully clean the teeth of two children at the same time AND with minimal amount of swallowing.

I am a... pharmacist who asked a real pharmacist the exact formula for infant and toddler Tylenol dosages. Now there is no panicking when I have to give one of the children Tylenol.

I am a... nutritionist who can throw together a lunch of hot dogs and chips and convince myself that the chips are the veggie and that Hawaiian Punch serves as the fruit.

I am a... speech pathologist who is constantly reminding her three year old that frog is most definitely pronounced "frog" NOT "frawg".

I am a... janitor despite the many attempts of giving up the job. Toilets have to be cleaned.

I am an... architect who can make a sweet tower out of MegaBlocks. I have been known to throw towers up that are taller than Caroline. I have skills.

I am a... plumber who uses 3 tablespoons of dish soap, super hot water and a plunger to unclog toilets. {PS- It didn't work. Instead, I had bubbles coming over the top of the toilet. This was not one of my better moments as a plumber.}

I am a... teacher who teaches my children the meaning of life, love and happiness {hopefully}.

I am a... chauffeur that is terrible at the whole driving thing.

I am a... choreographer who can choreograph a bad ass routine to Britney, Black Eyed Peas, Pink, etc. I teach my children mad dance skills.

I am a... financial planner who can stretch 2 dollar bills to feed three people. I rock.

I am a... parole officer that can keep tabs on a three year old who is suppose to be sitting in time out while also caring for a wild-child wannabe.

I am a... detective that can use clues to figure out why my child is crying, who did it, why they did it, and see to it that they are reprimanded for it.

I am many things.

I am a wife.

I am a best friend.

I am Hailey.

I.am.a.mother.