DEA

Caroline is still semi-traumatized about me forgetting her.

I have been on time ever since.

I have learned though that instead of getting in the carpool line, it is much faster to just walk up to the front doors and pick her up.

To be the first car in carpool at our school, you have to get there around 1:30.

School doesn't get out until 2:50.

Waiting that long in a hot car is ridiculous!

Now, I leave my house at 2:30.

I park my car and walk to the front door.

It makes her so happy to actually see me as soon as her class walks to carpool.

Yesterday I was rushing (imagine that).

I had edited pictures and was getting them on CDs and printing copyright release forms.

I looked at the time and saw that it was 2:35.

I flew out the door.

There is NO way I can even be CLOSE to being late.

Caroline would be devastated.

I got there on time.

I hopped out of my car.  As I did, thank goodness I glanced down.

I had on a Dick's shirt.

I just threw a t-shirt on yesterday morning.

I honestly wasn't paying attention to what it said.

I had on this shirt to be exact.

DEA- Drink Every Afternoon

That is classy.

So classy.

Walking up to your 5 year old's elementary school with Dick's written on the front of your shirt and "Drink Every Afternoon" written on the back.

I wish I could make this stuff up.

Our life is super chaotic all.of.the.time.

When I realized I had on this particular shirt, I ran it back to my car.  I hopped in the back seat and turn the shirt inside out.

Crisis avoided.

I bet the parents waiting in the carpool lane would have gotten a good chuckle.

Thank goodness I noticed it, right?

FYI: I have buried that t-shirt deep within the depths of my closet.  It may never be found again.

Weird

I made up a song for Caroline.

It goes a little something like.... "GO C-LINE, GO C-LINE, GO.  GO C-LINE, GO C-LINE, GO!"

As I was singing, I did my funky chicken/dougie dance.

I am a white girl with no rhythm.  My funky chicken dance and my dougie are one in the same.  Be jealous!

Anyway, it was the first time Caroline was embarrassed of me.

Ok.  I will rephrase that.

It was the first time Caroline was embarrassed of me and expressed her feelings.

"OH MY GOSH!  PLEASSSEEEE STOP!"

I came back with an "I am going to totally do this at your Kindergarten graduation.  All of your friends will think you have the coolest mom EVAHHHHH!"

"MOM!  NO!  YOU CAN NOT DO THAT SONG."

My comeback?  I did the song and dance over and over again.

She broke down and laughed.

I knew she would.

I have awesome moves that will make anyone smile.

"But seriously Mom.  You can't do that at graduation.  People will think you're...(pause)... weird."

"Weird?  Me?  Psh!"

Caroline just rolled her eyes and picked up her DS and began to play it.

As I walked out of her room, it hit me that this was the first time of many we will have these conversations.

I am weird.  All parents are.

ALL parents are freaks!

When I went back in her room to tuck her in bed, I leaned down and promised not to do the C-Line dance at her graduation.

She giggled and loved me goodnight.

Deep down, I know she thinks I'm pretty cool.

And I know she really would love for me to do my cool song and dance.  Just NOT in front of her friends.

Kindergarten is almost over

Things are going down this week.

Big things.

Full moon is tonight for one.

You know what comes along with full moon.

Ugh!

Anyway, Caroline will graduate from Kindergarten Wednesday morning.

Graduate!

Kindergarten!

Last year this time, I was mentally preparing myself for Kindergarten.

I was "preparing" by just not thinking about it.

It was a super stressful time.

I will say, to those parents preparing for Kindergarten next year, they grow up so fast.

They walk into that big Kindergarten classroom on the first day as little babies.  They walk out and into the 1st grade as real, live elementary school students.

They know the drill.

"I've GOT THIS!" they will scream at you if you try to help them.

Go ahead and prepare yourself for tears.  You are going to cry.  That is totally normal.

They will cry too.  They will possibly make themselves vomit multiple times (like my child).  That is totally normal too (at my house anyway).

Just think, in a year you will be in my shoes.

I am already planning outings for the summer.

Oh, and I am silently wondering why in the world summer break is so long.

Keep me in your prayers.

The things my children say and do

Caroline and Emma were playing shop.

Emma was the shop owner.

She was in charge and everyone knew it.

She was running the show.

Caroline kindly asked to help I her shop and Emma agreed.

Suddenly, Emma said, "Caroline, did you just poot?"

Well, if you know my oldest daughter, you know the answer to that question.

She has no shame.

She is Flatulence Queen of the World.

She can do it on command... And that is NO joke.

Caroline said "yep!"

Emma got loud. "well, get out of my shop!"

Emma is very prim and proper when it comes to bodily functions.

She obviously was not happy about it going on in her shop.

--------------------------------------------------

My sister, Anna, has a little shorkie named Busta.

Cute little dog.

However, he can be a little destructive.

He ate the corner of a book at the beach.

We didn't tell anyone.

We pushed the book way back and prayed no one would see it.

Caroline and Emma knew this was all going down.

Later on Caroline yelled, "Anna, what did you do to that book Busta ate?"

No one heard her, thank goodness.

Emma leaned over to her and very quietly said, "It's in the trash can.  Now hush about it."

Now hush about it?

I don't say that.  Nope, not at all.  ;-)

Bridesmaids Luncheon

My sister's friend Chasity got married the last weekend in March.

My Mom hosted the Bridesmaids Luncheon at her house.

I love helping plan a party.

We were really excited about how it turned out so I wanted to share it here.

I made the invitations.  I just wanted them to be plain and simple.  I printed them on 5.5"x8.5" white cardstock.  No border.  No fancy scrolls.  Just plain and simple.

Meet Chasity.  She was the bride-to-be and was very excited about the upcoming wedding.

We fixed mimosas complete with a fresh strawberry garnish.

Fresh flowers adorned each table.

The tables were set with china, crystal and silver.  I just love a formal affair.  So much fun!

I printed the menus with the same fonts as the invitation and used the same card stock.  Easy peasy!

Fold a little pocket in your linen napkin and TA-DA!  Cuteness!!

I did the same with the place cards.

Here is the food...

Don't forget mini cupcakes for dessert!!

We had a great time planning the luncheon and getting everything ready.  I can't wait to do it again!  I already have ideas to throw a luncheon for our close friends!!  ;-)

Telekinesis

Caroline's chin was carefully placed on the table.

She was staring at her cup.

"What are you doing Big?"

No answer.

She just continued staring.

"What is wrong?"

"NOTHING!  NOTHING IS WRONG!  I AM TRYING TO DO MAGIC!!!"

"Magic?"

"Yes, Mom!  Like Matilda."

"Matilda had telekinesis."

"No, Mom!  Matilda had magic."

"Telekinesis."

"Magic!"

"Telekinesis!"

"MAGIC!"

I give up.

"Get back to your magic then."

Reason for therapy number 87

I forgot my oldest child Friday.

I was busy washing clothes, cleaning bathrooms, packing, changing sheets, packing, caring for the youngest child, packing, washing clothes, answering the phone, packing...

"SHIT!  I FORGOT CAROLINE!!!!!!!" I yelled as I took off running.

I almost lost control as I ran out of the freshly cleaned bathroom, slipping on the rug and almost doing a face plant in the hallway.

2:53 pm.

She gets out at 2:50 pm.

I can get there.  I can get there.

Shit.  I hope I can get there.

Please, God, don't let her be the last one in the carpool line.

Thank the good Lord above because my neighbor pulled out in front of me... obviously late too.

Shew!

At least I know someone she knows is there with her and she isn't the last kid there.

I made it to school.

Caroline got in the car and was all "WHY WERE YOU LATE?  MY TEACHER SAID SHE COULD TAKE ME AND MY FRIEND HOME BECAUSE YOU WERE SO NOT ON TIME!"

Calm your nervous system.

I was 3 to 5 minutes late.

I made it a joke.

We laughed.

We moved on... so I thought.

Fast forward to yesterday.

We were running late of course.

I couldn't find my keys (I swear Ryan tries to hide them from me).

We find my keys and pull out of the driveway.

Only, I realize that I forgot Caroline's snack.

We pull back in the driveway.

I get the snack.

It is 8:05am.

There is NO way Caroline is getting to school by 8:10.

"I CANNOT GET A RETARDY, MOM!!!"

"It's called a tardy, Caroline, and it is NOT the end of the world."

Tears swelled.

"It's ok to get a retardy, Caroline.  You will not be really late.  Just a little late.  That means I get to walk you into school!"

Then she got excited.

A few hours later, I get a phone call.

"Mrs. Lafone, this is Mrs. W.  I was just calling to let you know that Caroline has been in the bathroom all morning with an upset stomach.  The poor thing.  Now, she is crying and I told her I would call you."

I rush over to the school expecting my kid to blow chunks at any moment.

It was obvious that she had been crying but quickly began to smile when we got into the car.

She acted fine at home.

No more stomach issues.

Hummm?

The truth came out later in the afternoon.

"You were late picking me up the other day and that scared me.  Then you were late this morning dropping me off.  I was scared you were going to forget me again."

Dag.  Way to make me feel like a good mama.

I explained that I would NEVER forget her again.  I pinkie promised.

I also explained that getting a "retardy" just means you are running a little late and your mom has to walk in with you.

After talking, she was better.

I felt terrible.

Long story short, I caused my kid to have the shits and now I feel like a terrible mom.

I will tell you this though, I was super early dropping her off this morning.  Like 7:55ish early.

Also, I may have gotten in the carpool line at 2:15 (school is over a 2:50) this afternoon making me car #6 in the pickup line.

Read that and weep, losers.

Emma Alexis

I woke up one morning and her curls were longer.

I realized one day she used adult phrases like "leave me alone, please".

I listen to her play pretend with her babies.  She is such a good little Mama and caregiver.

She has perfected the eye roll with her hand placed just so on her hip.

My sweet, cuddly baby is slowly finding her voice.

She can definitely express her feelings and concerns when it really matters to her.

She knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it.

She woke one morning and declared her new name was Alexis.

"Actually Emma Alexis but just Alexis" she said.


She just wanted to be called Alexis but did not want to completely drop the Emma.

My baby is growing up.

My sweet 2 lb. 15 oz. baby is now 37.4 pounds and wears a size 12 shoes.

Whether her name is Bug or Alexis, she will always be my baby.

Toddler Tantrum BS

I got an e-mail that had a link titled: 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.

I didn't want to even read the stupid article.

Articles like this just make me angry.

To be honest, Caroline never had tantrums as  a young child.

Now that she is almost six, we have them on a daily basis.

Emma will be 4 in September and she can throw a mean tantrum.

I am talking throw myself on the floor, kick and scream tantrum.

It is so awesome.

What is even more awesome is that fact that they will ALWAYS throw at least one tantrum a week in a public place.

I am pretty sure the Piggly Wiggly has a picture of me and both children hanging in the office with a big WARNING label beside it.

If they haven't called DSS on me by now, I have NO idea why.

My children stand up in carts, yell, scream, fight... all while I am pushing the big car style grocery cart.

While my children are being nutjobs, I am taking down displays on the end of the aisle with my cart.

Anyway, back to tantrums.

The stupid article stated a few tips for "taming" a tantrum.

I am NOT a lion tamer, people.

A lion would probably be easier than taming a 5 or 3 year old tantrum.

The article is called 5 tips for taming toddler tantrums.  However, they listed seven.  Whatever.  Clue numero uno that these people are probably idiots and have no children.

Tip Number One:  Don't Lose Your Cool
I ALWAYS fail at this.  I will ALWAYS lose my cool.  I embarrass myself more than my kids embarrass me.  The more I try to get a grip on their behavior, the worse they get.  Then I have a breakdown!

Tip Number Two:  Remember that You the Adult
Psh!  I sure as hell don't feel like it when I want to lay in the middle of the floor and cry.

Tip Number Three:  Use Time-outs Sparingly
What planet was this author born?  Time-outs have NEVER worked for my children.  NEVER.  At least I can check off tip #3.  I am sooo good at using time-outs sparingly because I don't use them at all!  Score one for ME!!

Tip Number Four: Talk It Over Afterward
These are the best conversations ever.

"Caroline, you cannot say hate.  You definitely cannot say "I HATE YOU!"  Do you understand?"

"Can I have some drink?"

"Caroline, do you hear me?  DO NOT use the word hate again."

"I think I want Pepsi."

"Don't say hate or I will take you to the doctor to get the nice shot."

"No, I think I want orange juice."

"Do you hear me?"

"Yep!  Orange Juice.  Hey, Mom!  Can I have some orange juice?"

Kill me now.

Tip Number Five:  Let Your Child Know You Love Him/Her
Read tip five.  I give her the orange juice she asks for and I am "the best mom EVERRR!"

"I love you, Big!"

"I love you too, Mom!"

Tip Number Six:  Try to Head Off Tantrum-inducing Situations
"Pay attention to which situations push your child's buttons..."

Ummm... everything pushes my children's buttons.  Seriously.

It never comes at a certain time during the day.  They just come, beat the hell out of me, and then life continues.

Tip Number Seven:  Watch for Signs of Overstress
We live in OVERSTRESS.  Welcome!

My favorite quote in the article is "if your child is hurting himself or others, seek help".

Does it count if I think about ripping my face off on a daily basis?

Maybe I am the one that needs to seek help.

Pray for me.

Summer Playlist

This weekend was offically the start of summer in my opinion.

The iPad and iPhone are full of summertime too.

Y'all know I know a good dance session.

Without further ado, my May/June playlist...

- Lionel Richie and Jason Aldean- Say You, Say Me
So good.

- Eric Church- Carolina
Because I have an "Eric" at my house and we both love this song.

He wouldn't look at the camera

Real Eric

Kind of look alike right?

- All of the Jack Johnson and Friends Best of Kokua Festival CD
Especially Constellations with Eddie Vedder (he is totally my lover).

I also love A Pirate Looks at Forty with Dave Matthews (he is my other lover).  This isn't the best link but it is hard to find a good video.  Download it on iTunes.  The whole CD is totally worth it.

- Pearl Jam- Just Breathe
Eddie Vedder is pretty much the love of my life.

- Jason Mraz- I Won't Give Up
This is the sweetest song evah!

- Robert Plant and Eddie Vedder- Fool in the Rain
Robert Plant reminds me so much of Ryan with long hair.  I love it!

I will have to get a picture of Ryan actually looking at the camera to show you.

- Led Zeppelin- Going to California

- Flo Rida- Wild Ones
If I hear this song during the day, it is stuck in my head for at least 24 hours.

- Lil Wayne and Bruno Mars- Mirror
Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne... such an angry little man.  Love it!

- The Avett Brothers- If its The Beaches
This is an older song but it's a great song.  I could listen to it over and over and over again.

- Mumford and Sons- Little Lion Man
Same goes for this song.  Older song but so good.

- Justin Bieber- Boyfriend
Yes.  You read that correctly.  This song is so awesome.  Very impressive for Justin.

- Led Zeppelin- Bron-y-aur Stomp
Robert Plant.  Enough said.


What is on your list for summer?

Firefighters and toddlers

Dear nice sweet county accented firefighter,

When you call me and hear screaming children in the background, I am sorry.

When you introduce yourself and ask if I am the lady of the house, I don't really know what you have said due to the before mentioned screaming.

After said introduction when you thank me for not hanging up on you, you have made me feel very guilty.

Because, Mr. Firefigher, I am about to hang up on you.

(damn UNKNOWN CALLER)

Please let me explain why I hung up.

You see Mr. Firefighter, I do appreciate you.

I am very thankful for all that you do.

You are a true hero.

However, I had two children (ages 2 and 3) that were about to claw each others eyeballs out over a baby and a pocketbook.

So, you see, I needed to go be a hero myself.

I had go save two toddlers from harming one another.

I am sorry.

Please forgive.

But I hope you under, duty calls.



Thank you.  Gracias.  God Bless.  Peace & Love.

Hailey Lafone
(Insane mother)

Tuesday New Favs

Sorry that I skipped a day of blogging.

My brain was hurting.

Back to the grind.

Today is favorites day.

I wanted to share two of my new favorite things.

Don't get too excited though.

Favorite item number one:

This little 8oz can is my new best friend.

I refuse to look up the calories.

It is 8 ounces of yumminess over ice.

It is a margarita made with Bud Light Lime instead of tequila.

Now, I do love tequila but my stomach does not.

I have never been a big fan of beer but this is more than beer.

This is a margarita with carbonation.

Good gracious!  Go buy a 12 pack today.  You will thank me later.

Favorite item number two:

Hot & Spicy Claussen pickles.

Here again, I am not a big fan of a pickle.

It is not something I walk to the refrigerator and eat because I am craving them.

Every now and again, I will take a bite of pickle with a sandwich.

Otherwise, you will not see me eating one.

That was until my husband bought these things.

Talk about yummy.

Pickles with a kick.

That first bite might take your breath away so have a drink near by.

Sooooo good.

---------------------------

So, what are some of your new favorite things??

Nana Story

I ran across this story that I had typed last summer.

It never posted for some reason.


When I reread it, I chuckled so I thought I would share it with you.

Caroline HATES to sleep.

We always look for ways to get her to bed easily especially if we are not at home.

My Nana could spend hours in the rocking chairs on the front porch at the beach.

She will rock and rock and rock.

Most nights that we are down in the summer, Caroline will end up on the front porch in Nana's lap.

They rock and tell stories.

Caroline always gives up the fight and goes to sleep.

Well, Nana was rocking Caroline one night.

She was trying to get her to fall asleep by telling her the longest story of Cinderella you have ever heard.

"And then the Fairy Godmother said, "Yabba Dabba Doo" and Cinderella's rags turned into a beautiful gown."

Yabba Dabba Doo?

Flintstones or Cinderella?

Wow, Nana. Good storytelling.

All jokes aside, thank you sooo much for fighting that sleep battle for me ;-)

And for giggles. . .

On the way home from a night that involved adult beverages...

J: "Linny, Tuck, and Ming-Ming too, we're Wonder Pets and we'll help you."

H: "Why are you singing the freaking Wonder Pets? We don't have children with us."

J: "I like them. Ming-Ming is my favorite. That is the duck. It is the shit."

That time I felt like a complete idiot...

The other night, I was reading Family Circle.

I love that magazine.  Mainly for the recipes but there are also interesting articles each month.

Anyway, I ran across this ad...

All I saw was "scratch-n-sniff".

I LOVE to scratch-n-sniff.

I have been addicted to it since I was a small child.

I was once given a strawberry scented scratch-n-sniff sticker and so began an addiction.

Anyway, I started feverishly scratching.

I took a big whiff.

Nothing.

I mean really?

I scratched again.

A little harder this time.

SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Nothing.

WTF?

I checked the date of the magazine.

April 2012.

Ok. The sniff CANNOT be gone.

I scratched one more time.

I sniff.

Nothing.

Ugh!

What is wrong with this magazine?

Why would tell someone to scratch-n-sniff if you are not going to give them a sniff of something.

Idiots.

Then I read it...

Regenerist micro-sculpting cream FRAGRANCE-FREE.

This is false advertisement.

I am pissed.

I want to write them an ugly letter.

Most of all, I just wish I hadn't looked like such an idiot scratching-sniffing NOTHING.

Thanks, Olay Regenerist.

Thanks a lot.

Your WHOLE ad seriously confused me.