Thursday, January 29, 2009

Caroline Confessions.

Me: "Were you good at school today?"

Caroline: "Yes, ma'am."

Me: "Did you have fun?"

Caroline didn't answer.

Me: "Did you go outside and play?"

Caroline didn't answer.

Me: "Who did you play with?"

Caroline: "Me pushed boy."

Great. Fabulous. Your third day and you are pushing.

At dinner, I asked her about pushing again.

Ryan talked to her about it too.

Ryan: "Why did you push the boy?"

Caroline: "Ummm. He say me shutup. I push him."

This may or may not be true. Caroline doesn't hear the word shutup around here much. In fact, she has probably only heard it two or three times. However, her teacher didn't say anything about any of this happening.

Oh well. I can't worry about it. I'm betting that little kid doesn't tell her to shutup anymore though.


Caroline: "Mommy, hush you mouth."

Me: "Excuse me? What did you say?"

Caroline: "Hush you mouth!"

Me: "That's it! We don't say that word. You are going to timeout."

Caroline runs from me. I run after her.

When I catch her, she falls to the ground. I guess she thinks I can't pick her up?!

Me: "Get up Caroline. You are in trouble."



Oh no she didn't.

Me: "What?"

Caroline: "You CRAZY!"

I turned around, laughed really hard and Caroline never made it to timeout.

I hope she doesn't go to school and tell her teachers that her Mommy is crazy. That would be a fun conversation.

Where does she learn this stuff?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've been thinking a lot lately.

Things that should bother me, things that friends say will NEVER happen to them... these things DON'T bother me. (Ok, maybe they did for a minute... but whatever. I'm over it.)

My blog is my safe place. My place where I can say anything without fear.

So here it is. I'm going to vent like I never have before.

Friend says:
"I'm only going to gain 30 pounds this pregnancy."

I say:
Good for you. I gained 40+ with Caroline. I gained about 30 with Emma and I had her at 32 weeks. What you are saying is "Hailey, you were a fat pregnant girl." I am saying WHATEVER.

Friend says:
"I think contractions are going to feel like bad gas pains."

I say:
Keep dreaming, sista. Try this on for size: Contractions feel worse than poking your own eyeballs out. But maybe they will just feel like gas for you.

Friend says:
"I'm going to eat healthy while I'm pregnant."

I say:
You go for it, girlfriend. Excuse me while I go stuff my non-pregnant face with a brownie. Talk to me when you are 30 weeks pregnant and you want to eat your arm off because you are THAT hungry. Lettuce just isn't going to cut it but whatever. I'm pulling for you. Eat up that healthy food.

Friend says:
"I BETTER NOT get stretch marks."

I say:
OK! TIMEOUT! You better talk to that little butterbean in your stomach. While you're at it, have a conversation with your skin and God. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about those marks. I have millions. Really only like 35 but still. Do I like them? No, but they are a part of life. I have them, there's nothing I can do about them (right now) so I suck it up and move on. I rubbed Palmer's all over my body when I was preggo with Caroline. It didn't help. With Emma, I did nothing. Hell... Caroline had already paved the way. Emma just made the ditches a little deeper. Whatever. I'm bringing stretch marks BACK. I'm making them cool.

Friend says:
"I will not wear a maternity bathing suit. I will wear a regular bikini."

I say:
More power to you. I didn't wear maternity clothes/bathing suits either. It was as if I was admitting I was fat if I broke down and bought maternity stuff. But a bikini? Oh nevermind, you are only going to gain 30 pounds. You will be able to pull it off.
PS- I still wear a bikini (stretch marks and all) and I HOPE it makes you throw up in your mouth a little. Whatever. I don't care.

Word to the wise: These things are hurtful to your friend. You don't say these things to your friend that has had two babies in two years, has stretch marks and saggy boobs. You don't talk about what you will and will not do until you are in that situation. I don't say anything back to my friends. I just smile and carry on wiping butts, feeding, cleaning spitup and praying for naptime. I hope they realize that I am a good mom, though. I am raising two smart, beautiful girls that are my world. Know that your words cut through me like a knife for about a second and then I looked at those two girls and realized all those stretch marks, saggy boobs and skin is worth it because I have them.

Lastly, next time a friend makes a silly comment I am just going to respond with a WHATEVER!

Wordless Wednesday- Success!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Harsh words with the hubs.

The hubs was looking at cruises online... dreaming.

He obviously filled out something and now every few days we get a phone call from "Lisa".

"Lisa" called tonight.

Here is how the conversation went:

Me: "Hello?"


Me: "Hello?"

See I should have hung up after the first hello... but I didn't.

Lisa: "Hi! This is Lisa from _________ Cruises. Is Ryan there?"

Me: "No he's not. May I take a message?"

I was being nice, OK!?

Lisa: "Is this Hailey?"

WAIT A MINUTE? What? How do you know MY name?

Me: "Yes, Ma'am it is."

Lisa: "Where is Ryan?"

What? I mean these are not her exact words. I can't remember the exact words but she clearly wanted to know where Ryan was?!

Me: "He has gone out to get dinner."

I mean "Lisa" do you REALLY want me to tell you that he has gone to look at a truck that he wants, to see how much it is, and that I don't know when he is going to be back. So, I lied to you "Lisa". I lied.

Lisa: "I talked with Ryan earlier and he said to call back after 5:30."

Yeah, well "Lisa" it is after 5:30. Ryan is NOT here. That is WHY he told you to call after 5:30. He knew he wouldn't be here. I am cooking dinner, feeding an infant AND my two year old wild child is having a nervous breakdown. Can you move on with it?

Me: "Oh."

Lisa: "When are you guys planning to take a vacation?"

Me: "I'm not sure?!"

You know, why didn't I just hang up? Vacation? I have two kids and I don't work. We MIGHT be able to vacation in about 20 years.

Lisa: "Well, I know it is dinner time. I will give you a call back about 7:30 is that ok?"

By this point, Emma needed to burp before she spit-up EVERYTHING that I had given her, Caroline is dancing on top of the table and my taco meat is burning.

I said, "Sure!" and hung up.

Guess what?

Lisa called back at exactly 7:35.

I answered.

Me: "Hello?"

Lisa: "Hailey? It's Lisa..."

Guess what I did?

I hung up on her.

I couldn't help myself.

Guess what "Lisa" did?

She called right back.

I didn't answer.

She left a message.

I yelled a cuss word at the hubs and told him he needed to take care of this "Lisa" crap. I have better things to do. And PS- NEVER fill out a form like that again Ryan. I do not like to be hassled.

I mean a cruise, Ryan? Really?

In your dreams homeboy! In.Your.Dreams.



Oh, how your diapers have changed in 4 months.

This is where we started. When I found one of these in Caroline's room last night it took my breath away a little bit. You were so tiny Emma bug. So tiny.

My, how you have grown little girl.

Love you always,

Vivienne Marcheline.

Look at little Vivienne Marcheline.

Thought I would share the pic with you. I haven't seen her very much and got excited when I saw this.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Not Me! Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not get really frustrated with Emma's spit-up this week. It was not out of control. I did not call Dr. P and schedule her an appointment for Wednesday. I do not have to take her BACK to the doctor for her 4 month well baby AND shots the next Tuesday (February 3rd). Fun times.

I did not watch Tombstone with the hubs this weekend. I did not watch more than I have ever watched of that movie in one sitting. I was not impressed with myself.

Emma does not take 10 minute cat naps during the day.

Emma does not sleep for 6-8 hours at night. She does not wake up and eat and then go back to sleep.

I did not yell at Caroline at LEAST 150 times this week for telling me to "hush your mouth". My child would not ever say that. EVER!

I did not laugh a little on Caroline's first day of school. You know I wouldn't do this because I obviously do not laugh when I get nervous.

I am not almost 24 years old.

I do not still sleep with a blanket.

The hubs does not hate it.

I did not laugh a little when Caroline said my blanket smelled like a pee pot. What? A pee pot? I do not call the potty a pee pot sometimes. It does not make Caroline laugh when I do.

I did not dance with Ellen this morning.

It was not her birthday episode.

Emma did not laugh at me.

I did not watch the red carpet for the SAG awards last night.

I am not going to talk about Angie and Brad, AGAIN!

Here she is (last night).

She did not wear a similar dress to the Critics' Choice Awards AND the Golden Globes. Switch it up, Angie. Switch it up.

Navy=Dress at SAGs Silver= Critics' Choice Both by Max Azria

I know you didn't forget her Golden Globe dress.

Her dresses were not homely and terrible looking.

It did not cross my mind that MAYBE she is preggo again and is hiding it with these sacks that she is calling dresses. "Bon chic, bon genre"... I THINK NOT! That is what BCBG stands for. Max Azria just used the acronym instead of the phrase. No, this is not a BCBG dress. I just wanted to speak French. K? I also wanted to point out that Azria uses this phrase but it is not showing in these dresses. PS- In English it means, "good style, good attitude." Whatev.

I did not just use a post AGAIN to gossip about celebs like I know them.

Last but not least...

Wendi did not inspire me with a twit to write this.

I cannot tee-tee, brush Caroline's teeth AND feed Emma all at the same time. I am not Super-Freaking-Woman! Woot Woot!

I also cannot feed Emma, cook dinner, color with Caroline, talk on the phone AND twit all at the same time.

Superwoman, I tell you... Superwoman!

You might be...

You might be a fat kid when...

you eat a piece of cake for breakfast, drop a little on the top of your foot and instead of THROWING IT AWAY... you eat it.

No judgement!

Not Me! Monday is coming soon. I'm still writing it. It should be up after I pick Caroline up from preschool. Maybe before. I am trying to clean up while I only have one kid to deal with.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Snow story.

Me: "Hey Caroline. Let's make a snow angel. Watch Mama."

I lay down and make a snow angel.

Me: "Do you want to make one?"

Caroline: "Yes, ma'am. Me want snow angel."

She walks over to some fresh snow. She lays down and says...

Caroline: "Me no snow angel. Me snow JESUS!"

You go girlfriend! Go make a snow Jesus with your bad self.

Listen to what she wants.

Caroline has decided that she wants a tractor.

A purple one.

I found a pink one. Can you believe it?

Google allows you to find all sorts of things.

Cute huh?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

What was wrong with that picture?

There were some funny guesses.

A jawbreaker, Haley?! She's two! You make me laugh!

Krystyn was right... she is NOT wearing pants but that's not what is funny.

A few of you were right...

Notice that little red thing on Caroline's spoon?

While eating her Caption Crunch cereal with her Daddy, she put cherry tomatoes in her cereal... AND ATE THEM!

Caption Crunch and tomatoes.


She gave a whole new meaning to Crunch Berries... minus the crunch.

Thanks for all the comments!

She went.

Today was a big day.

Caroline's first day of preschool.

She demanded that she wear her purple boots.

She absolutely loved it.

She didn't cry and when I picked her up she didn't want to leave.

We got lunch and a Frutista Freeze from Taco Bell.

She looked at me and said, "Ok. Me go back to cool to eat wunch."

I'm just glad she likes it.

Now let's pray that she doesn't attack anyone.

Here is Emma Bug hiding from her sister. The sister who pulled her off of the couch this morning and onto the floor... face first. She's fine. I have now learned that I can't leave Caroline and Emma alone in the same room for more than 3 seconds.

What's wrong?

What's wrong with this picture?


I could say... what's funny about this picture?

Make your guesses (all three of you) and I will post later tonight (about 6ish) telling you what's going on with this pic.

Have fun!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Letter to Caroline- Month 30

Sweet Caroline,

You are 30 months old today. Guess what? Tomorrow is a special day. You will start "big girl school". You will make friends and learn about so many new things. You are a big girl and I can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday, I was holding you in the rocking chair reading All The Places to Love (by memory). You would curl up in my arms, drink your bottle, and play with your hair until you fell asleep. Tonight, it was the normal battle to get you to sleep. You are so scared you are going to miss something. I guess you think that we make you sleep but we stay up all night. Little do you know that we are snuggled up in our bed just like you, dreaming of the day ahead. Rest little one. You aren't going to miss a thing.

You love your sister so much that it overwhelms you. You kiss her and then you must wipe that kiss off. We don't know why. You just do. Kiss and wipe, kiss and wipe... all day long. Em smiles at you and it makes you extremely happy. You love to hold her hand and announce to the world that Em-Em is holding your hand.

You have learned your whole name. You know that it is Caroline Tyler Lafone. You like to be silly and say that it is Caroline B-I-N-G-O. We laugh and your eyes light up. We asked you the other day what Emma's middle name was. You informed us that it was Bug. Emma Bug. No last name I guess. You are so full of life and laughter and it brings happiness to everyone around you.

You love to "take pictures". You will use an old camera or your cellphone. You take the picture and you will say, "MOMMY! You blink!" Then, you will take it again. Once you get a good one, you look at it and say, "AWWWW!" It is too cute and so stinkin' funny.

You are growing everyday. You learn things so fast and it amazes me more and more. You are one of the most strong-willed people I know... and you are only two! I hope you have a wonderful preschool experience. I hope you make lots of friends. Be sweet little one. Say yes, ma'am. Stand tall. Keep on smilin' and know that Mommy and Daddy love you more than you will ever know.

Love you always and forever,

It snowed.

And then it snowed again.

Caroline took her clothes off verifying that she truly IS a summer baby. (Yes... my stairs DO look like a closet. They hold most of our shoes. We have NO room.)

Emma chilled in her seat while her sister went crazy. She witnessed her first snow and first presidential inauguration all in one day.

We hopped in the hubs' truck... on the icy roads...

...and went to the farm. This is where my family lives. The hubs pulled me, Caroline, Mary George and Carey behind the truck on the sled. Not all at the same time. We took turns of course. :-)

On the way to the farm, we were passed by a four-wheeler. WHAT? Yes, I was so shocked I took a picture.

The snow was fresh and deep.

Caroline had a wonderful time.


Today, while Emma slept like this...

Caroline threw a piece of gum in her mouth and we went outside before all the snow melted.

What did we do you ask?

Why... we built a lovely mini snowman of course.

Afterwards, we came inside... made snow cream... ate lunch... went to find somewhere to sled... the snow had melted... Caroline cried... Caroline never took a nap... Caroline cried... we ate dinner... Caroline cried... Caroline fell asleep with her head on the dinner table... she slept for 15 minutes and then was up until 10:30ish.

Fun times.

Oh how I loathe love snow days.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Southern manners.

Being from the South means...

I like sweet tea.

I like collards (this is a new one though).

Butter is the main ingredient in every recipe.

I say y'all.

I sometimes say ain't... even if I'm not suppose to.

I'm related to just about everyone.

I like to be barefoot.

I could eat grits for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (Try shrimp and grits and you will know why I love them so much.)

I wear a wife-beater with a rust stain but only when I am barefoot with a baby on my hip and I'm beating Ryan outside in the front yard with the frying pan... with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and sponge curlers in my hair.

Ok, that last one was a bit extreme.


But extreme. Did you think I was serious?? BE SERIOUS!

Some people make fun of Southerners (Refer to the above wife-beating comment above).

I'm here to tell you... we might be slow talkers but we have manners.

We may say ain't and our two year olds may say frawg instead of frog but we have manners.

Caroline has gotten into a habit of saying "yeah".

I hate this response.

It is somewhat disrespectful.

So, Caroline is now saying "yes ma'am" and "yes sir".

It sounds so much better and is so much more respectful of your elders.

Growing up in the South will do this to you.

Ma'am and sir are a part of your everyday vocabulary.

However, don't forget that she still says FRAWG!

Not Me! Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I did not take Emma out of her carseat at the doctors office to find Caroline's little red play-doh knife. What a wonderful mother I appeared to be... pulling a little red knife out of my infant's carseat.

I did not practice my cat-walk while singing and dancing... oh, and babywearing.

Caroline did not stand and watch me like I was crazy.

We did not tour a preschool for Caroline.

We did not decide to put her in the preschool.

She does not start on Wednesday.

Last night I did not make an excellent potato salad for the first time.

While cleaning up the kitchen, I did not ask the hubs to empty a plate. When he tried to hand it to me, I did not point to the dishwasher (that was already open) and say, "Just put it right there." I did not just carelessly point to wherever. The hubs did not put the plate on the open door of the dishwasher. Nope NOT him... because he is always so very smart and he would have understood that I meant for him to put the plate in the actual dishwasher NOT on the door.

I did not spend the rainy Sunday watching Juno with the hubs while both kids slept.

I did not cook collards for the first time.

They did not turn out great.

I was not surprised... neither was the hubs.

I did not wear Emma almost every night this week from about 6 to 8 pm. This is not her fussy time. I do not believe that my HotSling, Baby Bjorn and Belle Baby Carrier are some of the greatest inventions on the face of the Earth.

I did not flip when I saw this the other day. It was not 70 degrees on Christmas and now it feels like it is 6. Whatever. I do not hate cold weather.

I did not write this post at 12:30 am. Nope, not me.

I will be back next Monday for more Not Me's.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Pictures from before Christmas until now. Enjoy.