Wednesday, September 30, 2009


My SIL, Ashlyn, made a few Cole Baby Tutus for a special project. Read about it here.

So, your job is to GO HERE and vote for the pics with tutus in them. The deadline is tomorrow at 5pm. So hurry!!

It is super easy to vote. Fill out your name and e-mail at the top. Score the pictures you choose with a number 1-10. 1 being the for the least favorite and 10 for the most favorite. You can give all the tutu pictures 10s if you want. ;-) Once you have scored the pictures you picked, click submit form at the bottom. That's it. Super easy, right?

Ashlyn will also be at The Brushy Mountain Apple Festival this weekend, Saturday October 3rd.

If you are in the North Wilkesboro, NC area... stop by and visit the Cole Baby Tutu booth. {Click the link for a map that shows you where the Cole Baby Tutu booth will be.}

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I ^ babywearing.

Yesterday ended International Babywearing Week.

I meant to mention this before now but it slipped my mind.

I wanted to share my 3 favorite products for babywearing.

{As a sidenote: I found out yesterday that I won a Kokopax at Jessica's blog. I am super excited and I can't wait to wear it.}

Now, back to the three babywearing product I use.

1. The BabyBjörn Baby Carrier Original Classic
This carrier is great for small babies. The carrier is for children 8-25 lbs.
There are two ways to wear your baby in this carrier. For newborns who have little head control you would wear them so that they face you. The carrier supports their whole back and keeps them snuggled tight.
The other way to wear your baby, is facing out. Caroline and Emma LOVED this. All you do is fold down the neck rest, and your baby can face forward and see everything.
I used this in the pool this summer. I carried Emma {forward-facing} so that I had two hands for Caroline. The carrier did wonder in the water. It also washes well. I do not dry my carrier. I lay it flat to dry.
If your little one loves to get cranky right when you need to cook dinner, this is the carrier for you.
PS- I am a BabyBjörn Believer and I LOVE all of their products.

2. HotSling
Ok. So you all know how much I LOVE my HotSling. I mean, it is the best thing since sliced bread. I have talked so many of my friends into buying one of these. I have people {men and women} stop me in the grocery store, the post office, Target, etc. to ask where I got it and what it is called. I jump at the opportunity to tell them and sometimes show them all 4 ways to carry a baby in it.
You can do the cradle carry which is great for a newborn. They can lay down and be comfy and cozy next to you. You can do the front carry. This is like a little kangaroo pocket. You plop them in there and they can sit and look out at what is going on. Then there is the hip carry. This is my favorite. I carry Emma around everywhere like this. Now for older kids, you can throw them in the hip carry and swing them around to your back. It is kind of like a piggy back ride with support. If you buy a HotSling, you will also receive an instructional DVD that is really helpful.
My HotSling is super easy use and easy to care for. My mom wore it this weekend while we were shopping in Williamsburg. If my Mom can use it, anyone can! I have washed it millions of times. I do not dry it. I lay it flat to dry. Emma loves it. She always has. This is a gift from God. It is a lifesaver is so many ways. They have a GREAT sale going on right now. It is an end of summer sale! Go run and get one. You will thank me later. {PS- They have one designer pattern on sale. It is normally $60... marked down to $30. You can't get better than that!}
Here is my pattern.

3. Baby K'Tan
Yes, I wrote about a Baby K'Tan giveaway a few weeks ago. Yes, I won it. I won the pink with brown stitching carrier. When it first came, I was a little stressed out about it. I thought I was going to have to wrap, tie, twist, etc. to even get it on me. Oh no! It was super easy!! They say it is super easy to breastfeed in AND it holds twins! I am not even kidding. How cool is that?
You can use this carrier with preemies and children up to 42 pounds! You can also use it 8 different ways! And do you know what it feels like? A super soft sweatshirt. I am not kidding. It is so soft! They make there carriers with soft 100% Cotton Knit. I just wish I had known about it sooner.

That's it. Those are my three favorites. I am sure I will add the Kokopax to my list once I get it.
I also have the Belle Baby Carrier. Nicole Kidman, Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, and Julia Roberts have it too {You know, we are all BFFs}. I need to pull it back out of the closet because I haven't tried it on Emma since she was tiny. It was too big then. I will start wearing it and give you my opinion on it.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Anna conversations.

{Anna sitting in the stroller... texting.}

This conversation happened 20 minutes into our trip....

“Anna, stop texting! We are on family vacay. There can be no texting.”

“I'm over family vacay. I want a funnel cake," she demanded in her deep, monotone voice.

Right before this picture was taken, Anna announced we had to leave. When asked why, we discovered that her Blackberry had died and she was ready to go. She had lost all communication to the outside world and was in distress.

We also waited at The Cheese Shop for 32 minutes for Anna to get a sandwich. What kind of sandwich, you ask? A peanut butter sandwich. I kid you not. 32 minutes. That's how long my Dad stood in line. However, we all benefited because we all shared a bag of bread ends and house dressing. YUM-O!!! If you ever go to Williamsburg, you MUST eat here. We also stopped by the Wythe Candy Store while we waited for Dad in The Cheese Shop. We got a gingerbread man and chocolate covered strawberries that were to die for! I had to fight Emma and Caroline to get one. So, I guess the 32 minute wait was worth it.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Our trip.

Friday morning we woke before the sun came up.

Caroline asked why it was still dark out and all I could do was laugh. She didn't understand why we were up when it was still dark.

We had plans. Big plans. We were heading to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia with my Mom, Dad, and sister.

We stopped at Chick-fil-a for breakfast and crossed the James River on the ferry. It was a little rainy out and we were concerned about that. The rain ended up moving out right before lunch time which worked out well.

When we got to Busch Gardens, we got to see the Clydesdales...

and Caroline got to ride a little mini Clydesdale ride.

Emma sat and watched...

Busch Gardens had everything ready for Howl-o-Scream. The decorations were great. Just look at this tree. Caroline posed inside...

Jay picked it's nose...

I took lots of great pictures of the landscape...

And while Ryan and Emma watched and shared kisses...

Caroline rode the eggs.

Then the girls posed for pictures in the eggs...

Caroline also loved the teacups. You will notice that the rest of the family loved the teacups too!

Don't worry. Caroline rode Grover's Alpine Express about 20 times. We really enjoyed The Forest of Fun. Look at the cool landscaping...

We had a fabulous time in Williamburg. We can't wait to go back!

PS- 3 is a perfect age to take your little one. By the middle of the day, Caroline wanted to ride everything by herself. She said she was big and didn't need anyone to ride with her. We were lucky too because there were no lines. There were a lot of rides that Caroline just got to stay on for as long as she wanted.

Another PS- Ryan, Anna, Dad and I rode the big roller coaster. No, I did not have a panic attack this time. No, I did not think that death was after me. I had one small panic moment before riding Griffon but I was fine after that.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Emma.

Dear Emma,

Today, you turn one. 12 months old. Where has the time gone?

Words cannot describe the joy you bring to our lives.

You are the sweetest baby I know. You love giving kisses {even though you bite sometimes} and you snuggle up on my chest so sweet.

Night-night time is our time. As you hold your bottle and close your eyes, I rick-rock you into sweet dreams. I hum a song and off you go. You love sleep. That amazes me. Your sister... she HATES it. You nap everyday. You are on a sleep schedule. Again, this is amazing.

From the beginning, you have been a strong-willed fighter. You are determined to get what you want. You don't even rely on me or Daddy to do it for you. A big soul in a little body.

We call you Bug or Buggy. I don't really remember why. One day, when you were tiny, I said that you kind of looked like a bug. It stuck. Bug stuck. I love it. It fits you so well. You are our little Bug-a-boo. Sweet Buggy.

You are slowly learning to walk. So far, the most steps you have taken has been 5. We are so proud. You will be running all over the house in no time. You have also learned to climb one step. You will climb up on the step and sit there until you are ready to get down. Then, you will scream for me or Daddy and we will come save you. So cute.

You love Caroline so much. You want to do everything that she does. Sometimes, Caroline will slow down for a few minutes to play with you. Those are super sweet moments. You will play tea party together or do puzzles. You act like you are 3 just like her. There are fights between you two sometimes. There was your birthday party, for instance, where you pushed Caroline away from your cake. You decided you didn't want to share. Then there was the time you decided to bite Caroline because she wouldn't leave you alone. You are sisters though and you love each other. You are going to be best friends and I can't wait.

Happy Birthday Bug. You are my baby. Slow down. Don't get big too fast. Take your time, snuggle always and always call on Mama and Dada before you take a big step.

I love you always and forever,

*Don't forget to turn up your volume!

Emma's 1st Year from Hailey Lafone on Vimeo.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Deals and baby.

Last year, at this exact moment... I was making deals with God. {Today? I am walking around Busch Gardens.}

Are you even suppose to do that? It is "ok" to make deals with God?

"If you just make me stop throwing up my brains, I will stop saying cuss words."

"If you just make me better, I will be a better person. I will. I promise."

I thought death was knocking at my door. I would peel my 32 week preggo self off of the bathroom floor and slowly crawl back to the bed. I would be right back in the bathroom 10 minutes later.

Ryan slept.

Caroline slept.

I laid there. Making deals. I swore off Chinese food. I thought to myself, "Damn food poisoning. WTH?"

As I laid there and prayed for sleep... and I prayed for Caroline to stay asleep. I also waited for the sun. "The sun brings a new day. I have to be getting better. I can't get much worse," I told myself. "Bring the sun."

Ryan got up and went to work. Before he left, he brought me Gatorade. It was yellow flavored and I still gag thinking about it.

Don't you worry. I threw it up about 10 minutes after I drank it.

Finally, the sun peeked in through the blinds. Morning. I grabbed the phone to call my Mom. I told her that I had been throwing up since 12am. Throwing up about every 20-30 minutes. I had a doctors appointment. I knew I wouldn't make it there without getting sick. She said I really needed to go in but she would call the office and see if she could bump me back a little while. She called back a little after 8. They wanted to see me at 10:45. Be serious!

Nana and Daddy George came to get Caroline. I threw up. I got in the shower. I threw up. I laid down in the bed. I felt a little better. "Keep it together, Hailey." I threw on my brown gauchos that got me through both pregnancies and decided to wear a super cute top. It was maternity. It was the only maternity item I bought. I had to wear it.

I grabbed Nabs and a Pepsi. I hopped in the car and off I went. I slowly ate my crackers and slowly drank my Pepsi. "Please stay on my stomach. Please stay on my stomach."

I made it to the doctor's office without throwing up. SCORE!

I made it inside without puking. SCORE!

I sat in the waiting room without spewing green everywhere. SCORE!

I made it to the back. Thank God!

The lady took my blood pressure. All cheerfulness drained from her face. She told me to sit back and relax. She took it again. She wrote something in my file. I waited.

She handed me a cup with HL written on the front. Funny how they assume you know that you are suppose to pee in that little cup. I wonder if they have ever gotten any other surprises.

Anyway, I sat in the bathroom for what felt like days. I laid my pounding head against the smooth cold wall. I wanted to just sit there. I didn't want to move. Finally, I peeled myself up and looked into the cup.

"This is not good."

"Should I tell the nurse that I am concerned."

I put the cup in the window.

I walked around, saw the nurse and said, "Ummm. I don't think my tee-tee is suppose to be that dark." She opened the door and made a noise like no other. I can't even describe it. It was somewhere between the sound a horse makes and the sound a moose makes. Weird.

FYI: I am about to share TOO MUCH INFO!

The tee-tee. Yeah, it totally looked like Bojangles sweet tea. Think about me the next time you take a big gulp of that stuff.

The nurse practically made me run to a room and lay in the dark and wait.

I waited.

I cried.

I begged.

I prayed.

"I am only 32 weeks pregnant. My baby will be in NICU. My baby will be sick. Please God don't let this happen. Just make it stop."

The door slowly opened and Dr. L popped his little head in. He whispered my name and walked in the dark, cool room. "Hailey. I'm going to have to send you to the hospital ok?" Start the waterworks. "You are going to be fine. Your blood pressure is super high. You have 4+ protein in your urine. I need to get you help and you need it now." I wanted to scream. I wanted to just say, "It was the Chinese food! I just have food poisoning! It can't be this bad." Instead, I just cried. "Hailey," Dr. L whispered as he gently stroked my hair, "Is your mom working?" Somehow I got a yes to come out through the tears. Still stroking my hair, "I'm about to call her. I want her to come pick you up and take you back to the hospital, ok?" I don't think I ever answered. I just laid in the dark, cool room and waited. Waited for... I didn't know. I didn't know what was going to happen. I think that was the scariest thing of all. The not knowing. The waiting and the not knowing what was going on.

Mom came.

I cried.

I yelled at her in the parking lot. She was trying to comfort me. She is my Mom. That is what Mom's do, you know. They comfort their children. "Hailey, everything is going to be fine. Dr. W is at the hospital today. They are all there waiting for you. You and this baby are going to be fine."


Looking back at that moment, I think my Mom was saying that I would be fine to make herself believe it too. It is almost as if you say something out loud, it will come true. Have you ever done that before?

We got to the hospital after a short ride.

I told my Mom what I felt like there was a cinderblock on my head. It was getting worse and I just needed to lay down.


I need to call Ryan.

Where is Ryan?

I need Ryan.

I called. He didn't answer. He never answers.

My head hurt worse.

After sitting, shaking, praying, and begging, I made it through the whole admitting process without losing my insides.

Then I did something I still don't understand.

I walked.

I walked to the second floor.

I walked through the double doors to labor and delivery. Little did I know, I would not be walking out.

Fast forward an hour.

Mom had gotten up with Ryan. He was on the way.

I was hooked up to magnesium sulfate and getting super hot.

I had a fabulous nurse. I can't ever remember her name, but she rocked.

When Ryan got there, I felt a relief.

No one had really told us what was going on and we didn't think it was that big of a deal.

That's when I went blind.

I had my eyes open. I couldn't see.

"Mama. I can't see."

No one was listening to me. They were all talking.

"Ryan. I can't see."

He never hears me so I wasn't surprised when he didn't answer.

"My eyes are open... but I can't see," I said and I put my finger on my eyeball just to make sure I wasn't going crazy. I wanted to make sure my eye was really open.

Then Mom asked me to hand her something. "Mama. I can't see. My eyes are open but I can't see anything." She says that at that moment it hit her like a ton of bricks how sick I was.

My brain was swelling making me go blind.

What was I to do? I wanted to freak out. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get better. I wanted to see again. All I could do though, was close my eyes {or keep the open.. it didn't matter in my case} and go to sleep. They gave me sleeping medicine. I had to sleep. It was the only way to keep from freaking out.

Mom said that Dr. W sat on my bed and held my hand and told me a long story about fishing on the river. I don't remember it. I do remember him telling me he was going to send me to a bigger hospital. He told me that my baby would be born soon and he wanted me to be with my baby.

So, off I go. In an ambulance with the sirens blaring. Neither my Mom nor Ryan could ride me with and that was scary. They had to follow in a car behind us. They actually beat us to the hospital and they were right there when I got inside.

I had my vision back. It was blurry, but I could see. Thank you, God!

The rest of the laboring experience... was... umm, labor. I was so hot from the Mag that Mama, Nana and Lesley had cold towels all over my body.

Then suddenly, Mama says that I got really cold. I don't remember that part. Mama said I was shaking all over and wouldn't stop. I do remember the nurse bringing me a hot blanket. Oh, how I love a hot blanket.

I also had a student come in during labor and ask me when my baby was born and how my labor went. Thank goodness for her that I was out of it because I would have gone nuts. I was clearly in labor and clearly in pain.

My platelets got down to 26,000. That was the last check I heard anyway. I don't know if they got lower than that. Anyway, I couldn't have a epidural because of my low platelets.

Anyway, after what seemed like FOREVER... sometime after 12 am, in a matter of seconds, my water broke and I knew the baby was on her way. I knew I had to push and told them. They all yelled for me to wait. Question: How do you wait to have a baby? Do you know how difficult it is to suck a baby back inside? I don't think you have any idea.

They wheeled my bed to a different room and made me crawl on a hard black table. (SIDE NOTE: Upon entering the room, they slammed my bed against the door frame... HELLO baby about popped out.)

Everyone was yelling for me to push and yelling for me to put my chin to my chest. I had a sore neck for 2 weeks after giving birth because Ryan Lafone threw my head to my chest so fast I think I had whiplash. Ha!

After about 3 pushes, I gave birth to a beautiful 2 pound 15 ounce baby girl at 12:45 am on September 26, 2008.

She was tiny. She got a 5 and 7 on her APGAR. She went on CPAP for a short time and was off and breathing on her own by the time everyone was able to see her. We were so thankful for that!

We named her Emma Raegan {after much debate} and that is how we became a family of four.

It was a rough ride but we all made it. We are so thankful that everything turned out for the best. We are so thankful to have two beautiful girls that are our world.
{PS- I was severely pre-eclamptic and had HELLP syndrome. That is why I was so sick.}

On a side note: Ryan has just recently decided to talk about this whole experience a bit. If you know Ryan, you know that he is not an emotional person and doesn't talk about mushy stuff. Ha!

We were talking one day and someone asked what Emma looked like when she came out. I just remember she was really purple. Ryan spoke up, "Umm, dead. She looked dead. I thought she was. I thought she was dead."

When we heard that sweet cry for the first time, I remember Ryan looking at me and saying, "Do you hear that? She's crying. She's crying."

We also had a placenta discussion. I had a satellite placenta with Emma. Ryan's job was to make sure that they got the whole thing. He was to make sure that the doctors knew I had a satellite placenta. Anyway, my friend and I asked him if he saw it. He coolly replied, "Yeah." What did it look like, we asked. "You have a bad placenta. It was rotten." We busted out laughing. A rotten placenta. Silly. "No babe. It is just ugly. It wasn't rotten!" Haha!

Tomorrow, look for a birthday slide show for Buggy. Tomorrow is her actual birthday! I can't believe that my baby is a year old. Where does the time go?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I need YOUR help!

Hey! I need a favor...

I got an e-mail with morning from Kelly. She entered Gavin in the Gap casting call. I voted... for ALL of his pictures because he is the cutest turkey nugget I've ever seen. Seriously. CLICK HERE to see Gavin's pictures and VOTE FOR HIM!

Soooo, I decided to enter Caroline and Emma. With my luck, you never know what could happen. Why not give it a shot, right?

Here is the link.

Once you get to the entry page, you will see VOTE beside the picture you want to vote for. This will take you to a new screen that asks you to sign-in or register. All of you will have to register this time. {Once you register, you will just sign in any time you vote after that.} Click register now and fill out the form. Once you have submitted your form it will probably take you to a place to enter your child. You can do that if you want, if not just copy and paste:
this URL to vote for Caroline and Emma
this URL to vote for Gavin:

NOTE: You can vote once a day!!!!!

Thanks y'all!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Hailey Who?

MckMama did this a few weeks ago. I thought I would copy her idea for any new readers that I may have. Plus, this gives you old readers the chance to know a little more about me.


In early spring, 1985, I was born. The best birthday present my Dad has ever received. My parents named me Hailey Brianna. Ronald Reagan was president and New Coke was released. The Discovery Channel was launched in the US, the wreckage of the R.M.S. Titanic was found and Tetris was all the rage.

In the spring of 1989, at the age of four, I fell on the mary-go-round and busted my two front teeth out. I had fake teeth and thought it was super cool.

The fall of 1990 brought a lot of firsts. My first day of Kindergarten, my first best friend, my first time eating a crayon and my baby sister was born. I was almost 6 and didn't pay her much attention. I remember that she was fat, had dimples everywhere, had a knot of the top of her head, crossed eyes, and smelled funny. Soon after the birth of my sister, I got my first boyfriend. We "went out" until the summer of 1995. What can I say? We were committed.

In May of 1995, Full House premiers its final episode. I cried.

The summer of 1997, I woke up at the beach with huge blisters on my chest. First and only time I've ever had sun poison. It was sun poison at its best. Princess Diana also died that year.

Fall 1999. Hurricane Dennis hits NC bringing up to 15 inches of rain. Shortly after, NC was hit by Hurricane Floyd (the biggest hurricane in my lifetime) which brought over 19-inches. Four week later, Hurricane Irene brought 6 more inches of rain. (Click here is see Hurricane Floyd in the exact same position as Hurricane Andrew. They also had almost identical intensities. Floyd was just ginormous.) These hurricanes (especially Floyd) brought hot, long, powerless days. Floyd is also held accountable for 35 deaths in NC. We were out of school for a long time.

The fall of 1999, also brought my first year of high school.

I noticed Ryan for the first time in the Summer of 2000. "I'm totally going to marry him," I said. I had on a terribly ugly purple, green and blue string bikini. I had a flat, unstretched stomach. I could do a mean backflip off the high dive.

2001 was when I started dating Ryan. I got my license that year but couldn't drive my car because I got caught skipping school. I thought it was the end of the world.

I graduated in 2003 and moved to Wilmington, NC in June. I learned what it was like to live on my own. It sucked. I cried. I ended up coming home from Wilmington after a year of eating oodles of noodles, and missing my family and my boyfriend.

November 2004- I voted in my first presidential election.

The year 2006 was the year of my lucky number 21. I turned 21 years old. Ryan and I got married on the 21st. We found out that Caroline was a girl on the 21st and I was 21 weeks. I had Caroline on the 21st. Told you. It was the year of 21.

In the fall of 2008, I got really sick while pregnant with Emma. I thought it was a stomach bug. Little did I know that my body was slowly shutting down because it thought my baby was a parasite and could not get rid of it. After terrible, awful, horrible headaches, terrible medicines and going blind for a short time, Emma bug was born. It was September 26th.

Fall 2009. Today I am a wife to my best friend and mother to two of the most beautiful girls in the world. Caroline is three and looks just like her Daddy. She is full of life and never sleeps. She is into everything and markers are her writing utensil of choice. Emma is almost a year old {will be Saturday} and has a fabulous sleep schedule. She looks just like her Mom and goes by the name Bug or Buggy. She loves pizza and loves to blow kisses.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Someone e-mailed to ask if these were Emma's invites and where I got them.

Yes. They are her invitations {minus the ugly black boxes over the address}.

Guess what? I made them. Designed, printed on 5 1/2" by 8 1/2" white card stock, and sent them all on my own. Yayy me!

I also made these for my BFFs little one who is turning 3. She requested a princess party.

Impressed? I was too!

Note to all... the birthday party is tomorrow. Expect LOTS of pictures.

Here you go... you're welcome


Bending. {It's about to get deep}

~NOTE: I am writing this at the risk of making it sound like I am super unhappy with my life. That is definitely NOT the case. I am proud of everything that I am and everything I have become. However, I had to learn how to bend. Not everything is going to happen exactly as you want it to. For that reason, you must learn how to bend.

I'm just trying to understand
It's all in someone else's hands
There's always been a bigger plan
But I don't need to understand

The other day in the car, I was listening to "Learning How to Bend" by Gary Allan. It is a song that will bring you to your knees when you listen to it.

The story behind that song... and the whole album... is more than life-changing. {I'll explain later.}

So, this song got me thinking.

As a mother I am learning how to bend. Even after three years and two babies.

As a mother, nothing ever happens the way you planned for it to happen. Nothing goes the way you want it to go.

Everyday is a challenge. I am still learning how to bend.

Nothing goes as planned. I am still learning how to bend.

Caroline never wears what I want her to wear. I am still learning how to bend.

Emma doesn't cooperate with I'm trying to get something done. I'm still learning how to bend.

I wanted Caroline to be able to swim by now. I am still learning how to bend.

I want Emma to be doing all of the things one year olds are doing. This was a big thing for me with Caroline. I thrived on the fact that she did everything a one year old was suppose to do way before she was a year old. With Emma it has been more difficult. She will be a year old on Saturday. However, she will only really be 10 months since she was born at 32 weeks. She is not far from walking and she is talking great. It's just different than Caroline. I am still learning how to bend.

The song applies to my role as a wife.

I can't stand the way Ryan brushes his teeth. I am still learning how to bend.

I wish that we communicated better. I am still learning how to bend.

The song then applies to my whole life in general.

It is hard to balance all aspects of my life sometimes. Meaning, sometimes it is hard to be the best mother, wife and friend all at the same time. I am still learning how to bend.

I still have two giftcards sitting on my desk that need to be sent to a giveaway winner. Hello? Late much? I use to ALWAYS be on time. I am still learning how to bend.

I have all these goals that I want to reach, that are just sitting here staring back at me. I am still learning how to bend.

Bending. Molding. Shaping. Making me a better person. It is always God's plan. Not ours. We are all bending. All of the time.




I am still learning how to bend. Bending so that I see that there are bigger problems in the world. Bending so that I see that my life isn't so chaotic and crazy. Bending so that I see that I am the best wife, mother, and friend that I can be even when I feel like I'm not.

In what ways are you still learning how to bend?


{Super sad meaning behind Gary Allan's album. Again, this makes my rants look super small in comparison. It's weird how someone's loss makes you realize all that you have in life.}

On October 25, 2001 Gary's wife committed suicide.

"When we moved, Angela had a lot of allergies and the allergies would trigger migraines. Her migraines were so bad that she would black out and have to go lie down. She was depressed, but because the depression seemed to start with the migraines, she never really got properly treated for the depression. She got treated for the migraines.
The night she died she was physically sick, throwing up. I had been on the road and I had just come home. There was a Halloween party we were all going to, and I asked her if she wanted me to stay home with her. She was like, “No,
the kids have been looking forward to this party, take them.” After the party,I got all the kids tucked in bed and was watching TV. It was about 12 o’clock at night, and she came over and sort of hassled me about what I was watching.Then after she walked away I thought, “Wow, that was way out of character.” She just made no sense.
I turned off the TV and went into the bedroom. I wanted to be close to her in case she needed something. She asked me to check on one of the kids. I said,“I just put them to bed, everyone’s fine. I took care of it all.” She sat there for a minute, and she said, “Would you go get me a Coke? I feel like I’m sick.” So I went into the kitchen, and heard a loud pop.It sounded like she had thrown something.I had a gun safe underneath the bed and she had taken out a pistol, stuck it in her mouth and pulled the trigger.She was on the bed. She was gone."


I'm still learning how to pray
Trying hard not to stray
Try to see things your way
I'm still learning how to pray
I'm still learning how to trust
It's so hard to open up
And I'd do anything for us
I'm still learning how to trust

I'm still learning how to bend
How to let you in
In a world full of tears
We'll conquer all our fears
I'm still learning how to fly
I wanna take you higher
I'll be there till the end
I'll be your lover and your friend
I'm still learning how to bend

I'm just trying to understand
It's all in someone else's hands
There's always been a bigger plan
But I don't need to understand

I'm still learning how to bend
How to let you in
In a world full of tears
We'll conquer all our fears
I'm still learning how to fly
I wanna take you higher
I'll be there till the end
I'll be your lover and your friend
I'm still learning how to bend

I'll be there till the end
I'll be your lover and your friend
I'm still learning how to bend
I'm still learning how to bend
I'll be there till the end
I'm still learning how to bend


After a {long}
{stressful} day yesterday,

We watched the cornpicker thing

and the sunset.

And the day was {done}.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Guess who had a birthday party?

Yesterday, we celebrated Emma's first birthday.

Her birthday is actually the 26th but we will be out of town so we celebrated yesterday.

We had a fun time with family, friends, and great food.

I was super excited to find these napkins. They matched the theme {ladybugs} without going overboard with cheesy ladybugs everywhere.

Here is the food table. Click on the picture to see what we ate.

We also had mini hamburgers {pictured below}, chicken wings and pigs in a blanket.

We had a tent and tables set up outside where people could eat if they wanted.

I grew wheatgrass {aka cat grass} as my center pieces. Let's just say, they grew out of control. Before I knew it, the grass got so tall that it fell and broke. I should have cut the grass about 4 days before the birthday party. {Note: I planted this grass last Thrusday {9/10}. It grew like crazy. I swear it grows before your eyes. It was so pretty in the terra cotta pots that we spray painted red. Megan gave me the idea.}

I never got a good picture of Emma in her dress and shoes. I order this dress from Rebecca at Hot Tots Boutique. She was great to work with. I had to have Sweet Shoes for Emma. Stella {Tori Spelling's little girl} wore them to her ladybug birthday so Emma had to have them too. ;-) I found them at Pout Couture in Cornelius, NC. It is one of the only two Sweet Shoes retailers in NC. You can still order them online of course.

We had lots of sweets.

I made mini dark chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese icing that was to die for! I used Paula Deen's recipe and I will definitely be making this icing again. I found little mini ladybugs to put on the cupcakes.

I also made regular sized red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. I printed these cupcake cutouts that Felicia from Go Graham Go made. They ended up being super cute too!

I wanted a ladybug cake for Emma to play in. My kindergarten teacher {yes, from almost 20 years ago} made Emma this great cake. If you live in my area and want an excellent cake, e-mail me and I will give you her name.

Emma enjoyed every bite.

Yes, my boob was hanging out in the next picture. Be jealous. You just wish all 20 pictures taken of you at your one-year-old's birthday party, were of your tit hanging out. Bummer.

Black icing... umm, not such a good idea.

After the eating of the cake, I threw Bug in the tub. She loved the cake so much she was eating the crumbs out of the bath water. I threw up in my mouth a little.

After bath time, we I opened gifts. Emma got a lot of great stuff.

The night ended with Emma snoring while laying on her ladybug pillow.

And because I want to show off the big sister...

Happy Birthday, Emma Bug.