Random

1.  I woke up Sunday morning feeling very hungover.  We had a date night Saturday night and I may have dabbled in a little Beefeater.  I woke feeling like I drank the whole fifth.  Little did I know that a fever blister was slowly growing to the size of a goiter in the corner of my mouth.  Yuck!  Why me?

2.  I was then made fun of for carrying Valtrex around in my pocketbook.  Don't hate.

3.  The girls cried for balloons at my Nana's house.  She whipped out a bag of balloons from who knows where or who knows when.  I blew the balloons up and they resembled a male copulatory organ (don't google that at work).    I am sure my husband is going to find that google search interesting in our history.  I am calling it that because I don't want people googling the other word and finding a mom blog.  That would be terrible.
Anyway, even my sweet, conversative, Southern Baptist princess Nana had a little chuckle.  It was especially funny when the girls were screaming for me to blow up the pink balloon.  "Just blow up the pink balloon," Nana chimed in.  "Nana, I don't think that would be very appropriate."  Of course the girls were oblivious to the connection we had made.  Caroline just walked about whacking everyone and everything with her male copulatory organ balloon laughing hysterically.

4.  I use google as spell checker.  Is that normal?

5.  Tonight is Taco Tuesday.  The girls begged.  I don't cook tacos very often anymore.  Tonight we are doing something a little different, a taco ring.  Even I am kind of excited.

6.  I took BOTH of the children to Walmart to grocery shop today with NO list in hand.  Talk about a nightmare.  I don't even know what I bought.

7.  Speaking of Walmart, they are now carrying Dream Lites.  After waiting FOREVER for ours, you can now buy them at Walmart.  I should have known.

8.  The Dream Lites came and the girls love them.  They are pretty neat.  However, we were extremely disappointed in their size.  I was thinking they would be the size of a regular pillow pet.  They are not.  They are the size of the little miniature pillow pets.

9.  4 days until GNO at the beach.  Some girls have already packed their bag.  I will be packing mine shortly.  I am counting down the hours.

10.  Who else is looking forwArd to Pretty Little LiArs tonight?

What are some of your randoms today?

Ranting

So my Nana LOVES as seen on TV stuff.

Loves it.

She orders everything.

And she dials the 1-800 number to do it.

So, when she saw the Dream Lite Pillow Pets, she wanted to order them for the girls for their birthdays.

Of course, my girls had seen them on a commerical and were DYING to have one.

We patiently waited for the commercial.  Why I just didn't google it is beyond me.  It finally came on and I scrambled for a pen.  If I don't write stuff down, I forget it.

I called Nana and said, " Ok, I have the website for those night light things from the TV."

"Well, did you get the number?"

"Nan, you can order them online.  I even have a 25% off code."

"Well, you are going to have to come over here and do it.  I don't know how to do that."

On her behalf, she is usually pretty technologically sound.  I am not sure why ordering things online sends here into orbit.

I drove over to her house and ordered the Dream Lites.

Little did I know that 16 days later, we would still not have the stupid things.

Nana called the same day and ordered American Girl dolls (remember she doesn't order online).  They were here in 7 days.

Order by phone... get your items in a timely manner.

Order by web... wait for a person to walk it across the country to you.

I was thinking about those stupid pillows today.

I cursed the US mail and their slow asses.

Then, I realized it wasn't totally their fault.

I have just been hitting the tracking number.  I haven't noticed this (pictured below) right above it....

It took those people 10 days to ship these stupid pillows out.

TEN DAYS!

I guess they had to make and glue all of that synthetic fur piece by little piece.

TEN FREAKING DAYS...

That is how long it took them to go into a warehouse, pick up TWO Dream Lites and place them in a box.

TEN DAYS to put two pillows in a box.

It is NOT that serious, y'all.

I should have known I was dealing with nuts.

Clearly, they use the word "Lite" instead of "light".

I am sure when they come in... IF THEY EVER COME IN... batteries will NOT be included which will send me over the top.

Thanks a lot TV.  Thanks a lot!

Bums, bums everywhere

Ryan does not stand a chance.

3 girls, one female dog and a guy.

Poor thing.

He is used to naked girls running around the house.

Emma is funny.

Emma is from one extreme to another.  If she doesn't have on a smocked dress and bow, she is completely naked.

The other day we came home from the pool and I said, "Bug, let's take off your wet bathing suit."

"Ok," she said.  "I will just be naked for a little while now.  That's ok, right?"

She had on no clothes until dinner.

All we saw for 3 hours was Emma's crack.

My Nana would have a stroke.  (She thinks children should have clothes on all the time.)

Superwoman.

You know, I thought I was Superwoman.

Knowing that I had pushed out an 8 lb. 3 oz. baby. Yes, I was drugged but by 8cm that epidural wasn't working anymore.

Knowing that I went so long (I don't know exactly how many hours) without ANY pain medicine when I had Emma. (I couldn't have any pain medicine.)

However after thinking about it, I'm not Superwoman.

I am far from it.

While others call her "Nana", I (her first grandchild) call her Superwoman.

She gave birth, almost thirty years ago, to an 8 lb. 9 oz. baby boy. She had just turned 35. According to her she was "no spring chicken". I am sure some of you are thinking, "So what? I had a 9 pounder." "So what? I had a full grown toddler with teeth." Yeah but Superwoman pushed out a whooping 8 lb. 9 oz. baby boy that was breech... aka ass-first.

How do you do that? She is a conservative bra-burning Superwoman, I tell you. She is really going to LOVE the fact that I have talked about one of her child birth experiences, told her age and told Brandon's age to the whole world on the world wide web. Ha! You are super-freaking-woman, Nana! I'm sure we will talk about this over Sunday lunch, k? Love you!
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On kind of the same note... Michelle Duggar announced that she is pregnant with her 19th child. What the heck is wrong with her? Does she like giving birth? Who in their right mind would do it 19 times? NINETEEN. That is not even normal. I can't even think of 19 "j" names. I would name them J-1, J-2... J-9... J-12... J-19. Good luck to them.