The post where you all gasp at my honesty and think that I am a terrible mother

I have come to the realization in the past few months that the more I try, the worse my children are.

If I try to get them to nap, they always fight and we both end up in tears. On top of the tears, the nap never comes.

If I say "Mommy has to check e-mails. Can I have a minute?", it's like saying, "Please come ask me the same question 30 million times."

I cook eggs, they want cereal.

I fix a bowl of cereal, they want eggs.

Sometimes, as a mother, you can't win for losing.

Caroline has become extremely over the top lately. You have to look at her when she is speaking to you. It doesn't matter what you are doing. You must stop so that you can look at her. Nevermind having to drive the car, she insists that you look at her when she speaks.

Little does she know that I don't have to look at anyone when they speak. I can have 3 conversations going on around me and be a part of them all. You think I'm joking? I'm not. It is another one of my amazing abilities that motherhood has taught me.

There are days that I have break downs. Not for serious... just kind of. The other day I looked at Caroline during one of her why Q&A's and said, "Caroline, please! Leave me alone for just a minute so I can finish what I'm doing." No, I'm not proud of that. Yes, I feel terrible for saying it. I just can't believe that I sometimes ask my children to leave me alone. Please don't judge me. The reality is that sometimes I need Hailey time. I would be lying if I said I didn't. Hailey time consists of checking e-mail, sweeping the floor, making lunch (or one of the other 3 meals of the day), tee-teeing, showering. It's the small things that I want. I don't think that it too much to ask for. I forget to realize that 15 minutes is a long time for a almost 2 and almost 4 year old.

I was showering the other day. It had been a somewhat uneventful shower. I think there had only been one screaming incident. During this time, I realized that no matter where I go, or what I do, I will never have another peaceful shower. When someone is watching them for me, I'm still a mama and I'm wondering what they're doing and if they are ok. What is wrong with me? Is it just motherhood or am I some sort of psychotic nutjob? What I wouldn't give to shower without worrying about children.

And don't even get me started on using the bathroom. You mamas out there that haven't thought about it yet, there will come a day that you will have a curious 4 year old who wants to watch your every move. Be prepared to explain the tampon situation because it is a biggie. I told Caroline that it was my bandaid. That wasn't a lie, right? Anyway, just be prepared to share all of your business with the world.

To all of you "I chose to have my children close together" kind of parents, go ahead and reserve yourself a room at the local mental hospital because there is good chance that you will end you there. Sometimes your life will be so full of chaos that the sound a mental hospital would be better. At least it would be quiet in your super clean, white, padded room.

All jokes aside, Ryan commented that sometimes I write like my life is perfect. He says that sometimes it sounds like a fairytale... a lie... not real life. So, in response I will post this, the real world. Sometimes my children drive me crazy. Sometimes my husband drives me crazy. Sometimes I drive myself crazy. I make mistakes. I say ugly words. I yell. I have a short fuse most days. But, I try to be the best mother and wife I can be.

To that end, when it is all said and done, I couldn't be happier.