Watch out world.

I can't drive.

This is no secret.

I mainly use my Jeep for storage. Again, no secret there.

I say all of the time, "If I had a million dollars, I would hire someone to personally drive me everywhere I want to go (and someone to scratch my back whenever I want)." The latter having no significance to the story.

With all that said, I would also like to add that I am given the finger at least 4 times a week.

At first it really bothered me.

I would get all upset. I played the role of apologetic crappy woman driver... OMG, I should have slowed down so they knew I was going to stop at that stop sign... OMG, I feel terrible. I probably scared them to death.

Not anymore.

Now, they get the same treatment.

For example the other day, I honestly didn't do anything wrong.

I was at a busy intersection. It was my turn to go. I looked a few times and went. As I am back up to my normal speed a car that is coming towards me in the opposite lane lays on their horn and gives me the finger.

I didn't even pull out in front of the car. I have no idea why he honked.

I had time to react. I laid on my horn and gave him the finger and pretended to yell cuss words at him.

Totally threw him for a loop.

Lesson in life #46: Even if it is your fault, always blame the other driver. They will be so confused that they will forget what even happened.

So for now, no more crappy driver nice girl.

As if it could get any worse, right? I am now the crappy-driving-bitchy-girl-that-is-freely-throwing-the-bird-driving-a-car-that-looks-like-it-belongs-to-a-hoarder.

Watch out world.

He has reason to be concerned.

Edited to add #12. Forgot it. Sorry about that.
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A few weeks ago, I drove to Wilson to go to The Cookie Boutique. On the way, my friend started talking about the state my car was in.

"Look at all this junk, Hailey. You know what? I demand that you clean it out. Really. You have to!"

We talked a little about the situation at hand. Then my friend asked, "Why didn't we just drive Ryan's car?"

This question stirred up a lot of memories. Memories that I talk about now that they are over.

"Are you a nut ball? Ryan would NEVER let me drive his truck all the way to Wilson." (It's only 45 minutes away.)

So, I decided to share with you the reasons why I am not allowed to drive Ryan's truck... especially long distances. FYI- Long distances for me are 45 minute drives.

1. I ran a stoplight and got a ticket a few months after getting my license when I was 16. It was not my fault. I was too close to the 18-wheeler in front of me and I couldn't see the light as I was going through the intersection.

2. I killed a dog and in the process ripped part of my bumper off.

3. I ran over a tree limb that was laying in the middle of the road. I shut my eyes and drove over it. I got a busted headlight in return.

4. I ran over another dog. He got stuck under my wheel. I didn't know what to do and was in a terrible part of town. Thank goodness someone I knew walked up in a group of people and helped me out.

5. I was leaving a friends house and the friend yelled, "HEY! DON'T HIT MOM'S TREE!" It just so happened to be the only tree in the whole yard. It looked like a stick that was planted in the ground. I rammed that twig. I then threw it into the back of my car and sped away. I call this my hit and run.

6. I backed into my Mom's car in the driveway.

7. I got a speeding ticket.

8. Ryan let me drive his truck to the gas station to get a drink. Bad idea. I hit the pole that sits beside the gas pump. Left an ugly mark above the rear tire. He was not happy.

9. I rear-ended an old couple. That's all I have to say about that.

10. I was driving home from Ryan's birthday dinner last year. I turned onto a road that had the stop sign in the center of the two lanes... do you know what I'm talking about? Anyway, I rammed the bitch. I'm talking I drove slam into it. I ripped Ryan's side view mirror off and broke the plastic mirror part.

11. I got a speeding ticket.

12. Totally pulled out of a parking lot... hit the curb... tore part of my car off... Ryan had to get out and throw the whole bottom left side of my car in the trunk. (This happened in college... when I drove a mustang.) Fun times.

That's all I have to say about that.

The first thing I would do if I won a million dollars, would be to hire a driver. Seriously!

PS- I wrote this list out and numbered it. I didn't like the numbers... so I marked them out.