Monday, May 23, 2011

10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.

Mama Kat at Mama's Losin' It! is hilariously funny.

She has a writer's workshop every week.

Go to Mama's Losin' It! and read all about it. So fun!

Topic: 10 reasons why I could not be a real housewife from any county.

Reason 1- I do not have any fake body parts. It is not that I don't want them or that I am against them... I just can't afford them right now. However, I have a list of things I will do to alter my appearance the day I win the lottery.

Reason 2- I have never walked in a runway show. It seems like every Real Housewife of whatever county has a runway show that they walk in. I could totally do it though. Sometimes I vacuum in heels for practice. Don't hate.

Reason 3- My husband is not a weirdo. To clarify, name ONE Real husband that isn't weird or strange in some way. Think about it. And you can't use Donn anymore because Vickie admitted that they had not had sex in 2 months. Hint number one you are headed for the big D... commonly called divorce.

Reason 4- I do not have a "pocket gay". This is a gay man that does everything for you. According to Tamera, it is the new chihuahua. However, I'm totally up for one. If you know of any, let me know.

Reason 5- I'm not rich. These girls are rich and I'm not talking I-can-buy-whatever-I-want rich. I am talking I-can-buy-whatever-I-what-AND-I-have-more-money-than-baby-Jesus rich.

Reason 6- I use proper vocabulary and I don't make myself sound like a dumbass by making up new words. Example: Cindy (RHNY) saying "The Vagina Monocles" instead of "The Vagina Monologues". Idiot.

Reason 7- I don't wear makeup. However, when I do wear makeup I only put it on it the car. Not very Real Housewives of any county.

Reason 8- I've never been out of the country. These girls go wherever they want, pretty much whenever they want. That doesn't mean when they get back that their ex-husband will not throw a dog leash at them (Tamera).

Reason 9- "My love tank is full". Vickie's is not.

Reason 10- I am not married to a mobster. Can you get over those Housewives of New Jersey? I cannot. I am waiting to see someone be taken down to the Hudson, tied to a cement block and thrown it. Seriously. It's only a matter of time. I'm betting if we could interview the camera crew, they would have some stories for us that were not allowed to be aired. Just.sayin'.


Ashley said...

It's a trainwreck that I can't stop watching! I've loved it since the very first season and it just keeps getting more and more outrageous.
Too funny Hailey!

Joycious said...

Oh Hailey,
You are hilarious! I have watched a few episodes of Housewives....they are women out of control! Enjoyed seeing you Saturday night.

Amy said...

seriously i love your posts about the housewives, i totally agree about he made up words, they say so many Teresa is the worst about it. last week she said ingrediences over and over