Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I admit...


As I lay in my soft bed tonight, I admit I have an issue. I am a parent with last child syndrome. Is that a real thing?

I know that Emma is my last baby. I know that I will never again have to use that 8 million pound baby carrier. I know that I will never again be able to babywear. I know that I will never again have a baby. I'm ok with that. I really am. It does not make me sad. However, it does not make me happy.

Emma Raegan. My sweet precious little princess. My baby. As I type, she is beside us in her crib holding tight to her Bebe and breathing ever so softly. What a sweet image. She will eventually wake and I will stumble across the piles of clothes to get her. We will make our way back to the bed and she will plop herself down between me and her Daddy. All the while she will hold on tight to Bebe.

She needs me. She needs me more than Caroline ever has. Caroline has always been Miss. Independent. Emma is my cuddler, my lover, my snuggler. She likes to be held. She likes to rickrock to sleep. "Bebe. Baba." she says. I give her Bebe and she holds on tight. I fix her a bottle of milk, and she immediately begins sipping away. {Yes, another problem. Bug still has her bottle. Don't judge.} She kisses Big and Daddy goodnight and off to rickrock we go. She is so stinking sweet, I could eat her.

I have this syndrome though. The child does something wrong and I smother her with kisses. She hits... I giggle. She throws herself in the middle of the floor... I smile. I coddle her. I don't push her. What is wrong with me? Is this normal?

I guess I'm holding on tight to my "Bebe", my Emma. Stay small just a little longer. Don't grow up yet. I know that it is inevitable but a mother can dream, yes?

I may be creating a monster... she's a pretty damn cute one though.



{Tomorrow- I write a letter to my princess, Caroline.}

7 comments:

Amanda said...

I could've written that exact same post! I don't know for sure if Jack is our last but he probably is....With Lily her bottle was gone the day she turned 1. Jack is 13 months and still has one bottle a day!!!! I definitely don't push him like I did Lily, b/c I don't want him to not need me as much (I know, it's pathetic)!!!

Loukia said...

Aww. Lovely post, and I am the same way with my baby, my youngest son! He, too, is very much a cuddler and a mama's boy, whereas my oldest darling son is more daddy's boy :(
I am pretty sure we are done having kids, and everyday I think about it, about what if we were to have another child... I don't know... having children, babies, is the most precious thing in the world, so making that 'final' decision to not have any more is so difficult for me!

Meredith said...

She is so cute Hailey. Enjoy every minute with that sweet, precious little girl!

The Nicholsons said...

I admit that I have this too- Stokes is going to get away with everything. He is my last baby and I want him to stay a baby as long as possible.

Diana said...

Emma is precious! She is a miniature Hailey! Brody is 16 months old, and he still gets a night time bottle. I don't really like that fact that he gets bottle, it is all Chris. He is not ready for him to be off them. I know the day is coming, very soon too! I do admit that we have a night routine, and I give him his bottle, I brush his teeth, and then I hold and snuggle with him until I decide to go put him to bed. Cherish every moment!

Kari said...

Even though I am pregnant with my next one, I, too am the same way with Audrey. I let her get away with a lot of stuff that Charlotte didn't. She is my cuddler too. Charlotte hated to be held after she learned to walk. But Audrey loves to put her head on my shoulder. AHHH BLISS!

Krystyn said...

There is something to be said of the youngest child, isn't there? But, I think it's also the second one!

It's too hard not to cuddle them, because you know that pretty soon, they are going to be like their older sisters!