Tick off Tuesday on Wednesday

Dear lady at the beach,
Do you realize that your skin is the same color as the Bud Light bottle you are holding? Not.cute. It would be wise to spray sunscreen on your body instead of afro-sheen. I'm just sayin'. You should totally start working for UPS. You wouldn't even have to wear the uniforms... your skin would do the job. You are not healthy.

Sincerely,
Concerned bystander who is applying sunscreen, with a hat on, sitting under an umbrella

PS- You have 2 sweet white marks under both butt cheeks. Tanning bed much?

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I found a small spot on my leg. I don't think it is anything but I am going to the dermatologist this morning. Say a little prayer if you think about it.

2nd Tick Off Tuesday. . . On Sunday

I went to the beach with my mom and the children for a few days at the beginning of last week.

On the way home, Ryan called and asked where we were. We were only about 20 minutes from home.

"Well, you have a letter here that you need to read."

"Excuse me? What are you talking about? What kind of letter?"

"Something about you not giving Emma all of her shots and they are going to call social services."

Here is the letter. I am retyping it word for word.

"BLANK" COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT
123 North Ghetto Street
Phone (555)YOU-SUCK
Stupid Town, NC
{The letter head info... I made up. The rest is real.}

Dear Parent or Guardian:

According to the North Caroline Law G. S. 130-A-152(a), every child in North Carolina is required to receive their childhood immunizations (baby shots). You, as a parent or guardian, are responsible for ensuring that your child receives his/her shots according to the state guidelines. As Immunization Nurse for the "BLANK" County Health Department, it is my responsibility to make sure all children of "BLANK" County have had their immunizations by 2 years of age, if possible.

In reviewing immunization records from the doctor's offices and our records here at the "BLANK" County Health Department, you child Emma Lafone still needs shots.

I have tried to reach you by phone without success. If follow-up is not done in a timely manner, a report will be made to Child Protective Services for possible medical neglect.

Please call me as soon as possible at (555)YOU-SUCK to arrange an appointment for your child, so that he or she can be up to date on immunizations. If this child does not live at this address, please call IMMEDIATELY, so I can search for this child elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Ms. A, LPN


****Emma is behind on 1 set of shots according to the records we have. If he or she has had them in the last couple of weeks, please let me know. If not, please call so we can get him/her caught up as soon as possible.
Thanks,
Ms. A

And you thought you were mother of the year? Pshhh. I think I win. Suck it.

To make matters worse, the letter was hand delivered to my door. Fabulous. All of my neighbors saw.

I couldn't wait until I got home to read the letter and call. I got the number from Ryan without even reading the letter first.

I called and waited. They found who I was suppose to talk to. I immediately explained that to my knowledge, Emma was up to date on her shots. We have never missed a well baby visit. On top of that, we are in and out of the doctors office at other times between well baby visits. She could tell that I was upset.

She explained that the letter was harsh because people would not call her back. She explained that her records showed that when she called, she didn't get a voicemail. Well, she must have called the wrong phone because both my cellular device and my home phone have voicemail. She then explained that Emma was missing her last DTP.

Now, let me ask you something. If I have given my child the first three DTP shots, don't you think I am going to give her the last one? When I again explained that there must be some mistake because we have gotten all of our shots at every well baby visit, the lady says, "Well, maybe she had it done at her appointment in February and it just isn't showing up in our system yet." Then why are you sending me this letter then? She asked if Emma had an appointment for her 18 month visit. I explained yes. You see, Emma was a preemie. She was in the hospital until she was a month old. Therefore, she is one month behind. Meaning, she is 19 months old and is just now going to her 18 month well baby appointment this month.

To top that, click here to see the NC Immunization Schedule. Where does the the 4th DTP fall? At 15-18 months. What did I just tell you? We haven't even been to our 18 month well baby visit yet. We haven't even been given the chance to have the shot.

And really? Child Protective Services for possible medical neglect? I have done everything I, as a parent, am suppose to do.

I'm tired.

I'm done talking about it.

I am sickened by our government.

It makes my stomach hurt.

In conclusion, Emma is NOT behind on her shots. Thank you very much.