Baba Broke.

"Baba BROKE!" she screamed as milk spilt all over everything.

"MAMA!!! BABA!!!! BROKEEEEEEEEE!!!"

I said a million swear words in my head. My heart sank and then I began to pray. "Please God... if you love me... this will be fixable."

Yeah, no such luck.

Emma's bottle is broken.

Get a new one, you say? Doesn't she have more than one, you ask?

Here's a little background information. Yellow baba has been with us for as long as I can remember. Bug really took to this bottle and refuses to use any other one.

Ryan's mom even tried to be slick and buy her new bottles just like that yellow one. Smart Bug knew the difference.

She loves yellow baba.

She has used it until the plastic ring cap at the top is split in two different places. Yesterday, the ring around the nipple came apart leaving only the top portion of the nipple.

Last night was hell to say the least. She screamed and moaned and cried until 10:30. Of course we tried duck baba and butterfly baba... both of which got thrown across the room. She fell asleep and I did a happy dance. Then, she woke up at 3:30 this morning and screamed and moaned and cried until the sun started coming up. She eventually fell asleep and woke up after 9:30 this morning.

Tonight was a little better. She had a melt down and then Daddy swooped down the stairs to save the day. All four of us climbed in the big comfy king size bed upstairs and five minutes later everyone was asleep... but me of course.

Night two down. Hopefully it will only get better from here.

I was a little angry that the bottle broke but I know that God still loves me. He just enjoys seeing me squirm.

Excuse me while I go do my everyone's-asleep-finally-happy-dance.

Threshold of hell

I think I have found a way to make money without doing a thing.

My family is going to be the poster family for birth control.

Call and make your appointment today. Send your teenager over to sit and watch my every day life.

Shit is ridiculous.

This morning would have been the perfect day for an onlooker.

Emma woke me up at 6:45 screaming "MOMMY" at the top of her lungs. Not so cute when you didn't go to bed until 12:30am.

Caroline was up a 7:15.

I fed them french toast sticks for breakfast. They requested to eat in the den in front of Nick Jr. I prepared myself for syrup spillage. Much to my surprise, we made it through breakfast with no accidents.

Emma decided she didn't want a diaper. She wanted to "teetee potty". Have at it little lady. Pee in that pot. I'm over changing your diaper anyway.

By 8:15am we had been to the potty 5 times. Potty training rocks.

Daddy came home. The nuggets almost pee there pants when he walks in the door. What? You didn't the memo? The sun rises and sets in his ass.

Daddy fixes his lunch and eats. (It is only 9am but he has been up to 3:30 so technically this is his lunchtime.)

I hear screams from the den. I'm just trying to finish my daily word search. Please children. One more minute.

More screams.

I walk into the den. 4 brown balls are scattered on my floor and I know that I haven't given the nuggets chocolate this early.

Caroline dramatically yells at Emma to "PPPPPPlease don't get dookie balls on my bathing suit. GROSS!" At this, Emma has a break down. It is obviously too much for her to handle... pooing on the floor AND her sister yelling at her. She cries hysterically and during her fit she steps on one of her balls. Ummm... shouldn't I be the one crying? I have to go clean up my kid AND clean poop off of the carpet.

Ryan continues his lunch undisturbed by the events happening 5 feet from him. This is what happens when you become a father. You eat lunch at 9am while you watch your wife clean poo off the carpet. This is what we call normal.

The morning didn't get much better from there.

I was ready to feed the nuggets lunch at 10:30.

I didn't. I'm not that terrible.

They ate at 11 on the dot and Emma has been asleep since 12.

Caroline is destroying something in the den.

Ryan's working.

I'm eating Fresh Market's Fiesta Layer Salad with chips and contemplating opening the wine bottle.

As soon as I typed that sentence, Caroline went upstairs and woke Emma up.

Welcome.

Welcome to the threshold of hell. Grab a glass of wine and get comfy.

Tell me these past 6 hours wouldn't scare the heck out of a teenager contemplating sex.

And I just realized the day isn't even halfway over. Dear sweet baby Jesus, help me.

Double jogger strollers suck.

Meet my first true love.

Ryan says that this is my Mercedes.

Meet the mack daddy of all single jogger strollers known to man.

In the beginning, I was worried.

"JEEP? Really? I want a Phil & Ted's Bumbleride $800 stroller that I can't afford. I drive a freaking Jeep. I don't want to push a Jeep stroller."

I searched.

I found it.

I cried (I can sometimes get things by doing this).

This was it. This was the stroller I had to have.

A couple of hundred dollars later and this became my first mothers day gift. Mothers Day 2007 was fabulous.

I now have a problem. It is 2009 and I need a double jogger. Being that I have two kids, I need two seats. It is awful pushing Caroline in the stroller and wearing Emma at the same time. Talk about a work out. I should look like Marisa Miller (but I don't).

Anyway, back to the point. A double jogger.

HELP.

H-E-L-P.

Nothing compares to my Jeep Jogger.

Reasons why this stroller is the best:

1. It has Music on the Move. Meaning, I can totally hook my hand-me-down ghetto iPod to it and play music through speakers attached to the stroller. Caroline enjoys the music just as much as I do. Caroline and I have been known to bust a move or two on our walks.

2. This fabulous stroller came complete with a trusty little hand air pump and a weather shield. I have never used either one but it is nice to know that I have them.

3. How about it has a speed and distance odometer. Not only do you know how long you have been walking and how far, you know how fast you are going. It helps you to keep a steady pace (until you decide to bust a move to Prince's Kiss in the middle of the street).

4. It has two cup holders for me. This is nice because I can put my keys in one and my cellular device in the other. Don't you worry though. There are more places for my water. It has a handy dandy water bottle holder in the cargo netting that is somewhat attached to the back of Caroline's seat. Caroline's drink you ask? How about she has her very own cup holder AND snack tray!

So now, I need a double jogger that does all the same things as my trusty Jeep. I need this exact same stroller but just a double. I will love you forever and always if you find it for me. I have looked. I am over it. I am about to give up my search for the ultimate double jogger. Please help me!