Cutting my hair.

I shared this on Instagram, but I wanted to share with my blog too.

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After being able to wash my sheets yesterday, I was feeling like a new person.

I was so excited.

Then, I had a moment with my hair.

I walked by the mirror in front of our entry and scared myself.

I was beginning to resemble Morticia Addams... again.

I grabbed a nice sharp pair of scissors and headed to the bathroom.

What I thought were sharp scissors were obviously dulled by the trims I gave the girls a few days ago.

I had to do something.

I went to Caroline's room, grabbed Bug's star scissors and cut a little over an inch off of my hair.

I used the dead ends as a guide to keep the cut pretty straight.

So, yes.  Add "cosmetologist-who-works-with-children-scissors" to my resume.

I think I've got mad skills.  I could have done a crap job with those things.

It was luck.

I've got it on my side since I didn't wash my sheets.

Sorry my hair blends in my with shirt.  #blackhairprobz

The smelly mom

What.a.mess.I.am.

I didn't go to sleep until 2 am Tuesday night (really Wednesday morning).

Caroline was up until 12:15am.

She was screaming.  She said she was scared I was going to leave her.

Psh!  I have no idea where the girl thinks this stuff up.

She finally gave in to sleep when I was crying, she was crying and Ryan came in and saved us both.

I was hoping to go to bed soon after she fell asleep.

No such luck.

I thought I had thrown Ryan's uniform shirts and uniform shorts in the wash.

WRONG.

I just washed the shorts.

Therefore, I was up until 2am washing shirts and waiting to put them in the dryer.

I cried.

A lot.

I am an emotional person at times.

It was a long night and a very early morning.

We had big plans for Wednesday.  We were supposed to go to the movies at 10am.

Since Caroline wouldn't go to sleep the night before, I told her we were not going to the movie.

I felt like complete shiz not taking her but she would not listen to me and "JUST GO TO SLEEEP!".

Even thought the movie did not work out, I could not sit in this house all day.

We went to the Nature Center instead.

Man, I love that place.

I packed a nice lunch of pizza, frozen strawberries, nabs, and fruit snacks.

I went to the refrigerator to grab two juice boxes.

Psh!

We only had regular and diet Mountain Dew.

I opted for the regular.

So while my children ate lunch, they got all jacked up on Mountain Dew.

Side note: I got all jacked up on a large iced black coffee from McDonald's.  These are a lifesaver especially when you are running on 5 hours of sleep.

I am sure I looked like a very responsible parent at the park.

Whatev.

The girls quickly ate their lunch while I quickly sucked down my coffee.

I felt like I had forgotten something.

I had the weird feeling all morning.

The girls were ready to play.

I stood in the hot sun.

OH NO!

I know what I forgot.

In the hustle and bustle of getting myself and two children ready, I FORGOT DEODORANT.

Mother of all things holy!

My heart dropped.

No deodorant?

I am sure I am going to start smelling like a goat and I am SURE I will see 800 people I know.

Shit.

I slowly lifted my arm and sniffed.

It wasn't discreet.

No need in being discreet.

Shew!  I smelled like soap.

Everything was all good for the moment.

I quickly rounded the girls up and averted their attention to the indoor, air conditioned planetarium.

I couldn't make them go home.  I had already taken the movie away.

Inside the planetarium, all was well with my armpits.

We spent a total of 2 non-deodorized hours at the Nature Center and I did not see one single person I knew.

That, my friends, is a record.

As we finished up our adventure and were walking to the car, I realized no deodorant was better than other alternatives.

Things could always be worse.

Much worse.

Do you know what kind of looks I would have gotten if I had forgotten to put on a bra?

Gangsta

I was the white girl back in 2003 yelling HOLLERRR instead of HOLLAAAA!

Seriously, I am about as non-gangster as you can get.

However, I went gangsta on my husband yesterday. Not gangster... gangsta.

Here is how the conversation went:

Hailey: "Oh, so we aren't going out to lunch?"

Ryan: "No."

Hailey: "Let's just go. What are we going to eat?"

Ryan: "We have stuff here to eat and you have lots of stuff here that you can do."

Hailey: "Like what?"

Ryan: "Like mop, wash clothes, dust..."

Hailey: "No, you need to get yo ass up off da couch and mop, wash clothes, etc. (clearly mocking him)."

Ryan: "(Clearly mocking me)Get YO ass up off DA couch? Really? REALLY?"

I felt gangsta. Therefore, I have been listening to country music all day so that I will start using words like ain't & y'all.

Country music= crisis averted.

I did, however, look up my gangsta name on this website known as Gangsta Name Generator. This is what my gangsta name is...


Bless my sweet little heart, y'all! I don't think that gangsta is for me.

ATTACK

There is no other way to begin this post... I was attacked by a chicken.

Go ahead. Laugh.

If it was you, you would NOT be laughing. In all honesty, I can laugh now but at the time of the attack... I was screaming like a baby. Seriously. Imagine that... me screaming, saying cuss words, and doing karate moves.

Let me set the scene for you.

I rode over to my BFF's house. She has a pond and a little green shed. Perfect backdrops for the pictures I was taking.

Caroline fell asleep on the way so when we got there I told Emma to sit tight and I would be right back. I hopped out of the car to survey the little green shed.

That's when I saw it. Chickenzilla. This is the monster of chickens. I'm talking if I killed it, we could throw it on the grill and feed a small army.

Anyway, the chicken was obviously not happy that I was there. It began to run towards me.

"Don't run Hailey. DO NOT RUN!" I thought to myself. "The chicken will chase you and it will be all over then."

I politely asked the chicken if I could go back to my car. No such luck. Reasoning with a chicken is like reasoning with a 2 year old... it doesn't happen.

"WTF am I going to do? I have got to get back to my car before Bug starts freaking out."

5 minutes pass. The chicken is making that loud chicken noise and spreading its wings.

I said lots of cuss words and slowly turned to walk away. The chicken followed... as did more cuss words.

I finally made it to Arrin's moms house in hopes to find her brother (they are his stupid chickens anyway). Nope. He wasn't home.

I tried to get the dog to follow me and protect me. Nope. The dog was smarter than that. He knew that the stupid chicken would attack him instead. So, I grabbed a random shoe that was on the porch as my backup.

Now, it was just me and my weapon (a shoe) against a monster chicken.

I slowly began to make my way back to my car. I made a big circle around the backyard. The chicken followed my every move... spreading his wings and neck feathers and such all along the way. Stupid chicken.

He cornered me next to a small tree. He spread his wings and began flying towards me.

What was I suppose to do?

I kicked it. I kicked the chicken. It was more of me just putting my boot out and the chicken flying into it rather than an actual kick. (Yes, PETA people. I semi-harmed a chicken. If you don't understand, you must have never been attacked by a monster chicken. Come to La Grange. I'll show you one.)

After the "kick", I threw the shoe at it and ran. I ran as fast as my little legs and sweet cowboy boots would take me.

I made it to my car in one piece. As I sat there breathless with the sound of an angry chicken in the background, I said a little prayer thanking God for letting me get away. I also think it is pretty sweet that I have broken in my cowboy boots a little more because a chicken flew into them.

I drove away from the scene with an extreme fear of chickens but a sweet pair of roughed up cowboy boots. I'll call that even.



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Here is a picture of the chickens. The one closest to my side mirror is the attacker...


I look forward to the day I get to eat you Chickenzilla. My husband has big plans to cook your up nice and crispy just for me. Peace out!

ears and bugs don't mix

A few weeks ago... well, October 8th to be exact... I thought I was going to die.

I mean not literally but what happened to me was terrible.

We were getting ready for a party at my mom's house. We were setting up hay bales, tables, fire pits, and all kinds of other fun stuff out in mom's backyard.

I sat down for a minute to talk to Mom and Nana.

That's when it happened. A freaking bug flew in my ear.

I had a massive anxiety attack. It was an awful feeling. I was also freaking out because I watch Untold Stories from the ER. I saw an episode where a june bug flew in a lady's ear. It was terrible.

Anyway, after pouring peroxide in my ear, using the bulb syringe, and blowing in my ear... the stupid bug came out.

It was just a teeny tiny gnat.

I would have sworn that there was a huge bug in there.

It was so loud... like a helicopter.

When it happens, it is almost a claustrophobic feeling. It is almost like you are in a tiny room and can't get out.

You have a bug in your ear, and you can't get it out.

Damn scaphoid ear deformity is to blame. I swear it is. My ear is like a freaking beacon.

Celebrate

I used to believe that there was more than one soulmate for everyone.

It was just a matter of fate bringing two people together, becoming comfortable, and falling in love. It was scary to think that there was only one chance to fall in love. What if I missed it? What if I wasn't looking in the right place? There had to be more than one person that was meant to be my soulmate... right?

This theory was driven by my fears. My biggest was to be alone.

Then one hot summer evening, I met the boy I was going to marry. I didn't know it at the time and neither did he. I don't remember all the details but I remember leaning against the fence in my cute bikini (during the days of perky boobs and no stretch marks) and saying to my friends, "I'm going to marry him." Being that I was also going to marry the local banker, the local VW dealer, and my neighbor at the beach this statement didn't come as a surprise to those around me. (I believed in multiple soulmates, remember? I had to be prepared.)

A few months later, we began dating.

A few years later, we were pregnant.

A few months later, we were married.

A few months later, we were parents.

We didn't do it the storybook way. First love, then marriage, then baby carriage... not us. We bent the rules a little bit. We don't live a fairytale and there are some days that I want to rip his head off.

4 years of marriage is an accomplishment. Especially considering we have had two babies during that time. Don't laugh. I think one year of marriage is an accomplishment. You have to work at marriage. It isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it is poopie diapers and big ugly rain clouds.

I often think to myself "if we can make it through this part, we can make it through anything". We are young, we have two small children, we have no money, and our communication skills suck. Our life is not terrible by any means. However, I'm hoping that this is the worst of times and that the best of times are yet to come.

I'm sure in a few years, we will look back and laugh. We make things work. We don't always work together but somehow it all works out.


10 years ago I met my future husband. I also learned that there was only one soulmate for a person. He is mine.

4 years of marriage is an accomplishment. Today we celebrate.

Ryan,
Thank you for making me the happiest girl in the world 4 years ago on this day. I will never forget it. The surprise ring, the Easter lilies, my growing belly, what we wore, our best friends, and how you demanded we not get married at the courthouse. Ha! I just wanted to pull a Britney Spears and be done with it. I'm glad you made me do it differently.
Thank you for making me smile and promising me that we will grow old together. Thank you for being the best Dad to our sweet girls. We all love you more than you will ever know.
Forever and always,
Hailey

PS- I will never be able to stand the way you brush your teeth but I will always love you.

PPS- It is time that you stop locking the bathroom door when you shower. 4 years of marriage and two children say that it is time. ;-)


"The most important thing in life is your family.
In the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." ~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

I am going to call them Old Hailey Tales

Old wives tales.

I believe that crazy stuff.

I am super duper superstitious.

I do the usual:

- I "x" a black cat that crosses my path

- I don't walk under ladders

- Breaking a mirror= 7 years bad luck

- Opening umbrellas in the house brings bad luck

- If you sit a baby on the table, the baby will never get married

- I don't step on cracks

- I don't split the pole

- I throw spilt salt over my shoulder

- If I forget something when I leave and I have to come back into the house, I sit down... cross my legs... and say "bring me no bad luck".

- I don't wash my sheets during the period of time between new Christmas {December 25th} and old Christmas {I think Old Christmas is January 6th}

- If I hear thunder in the winter I still believe it will snow 9 days later.

Then I have a small obsessive compulsive disorder...

- I can't leave the house and shut the door without turning the door handle to make sure it is locked and pushing on the door... 3 times.

- As I said above, if I forget something in the house I sit down, cross my legs and say "bring me no bad luck" three times.

- I can't shut the refrigerator door without pushing on it a few times {maybe three} to make sure it is shut

- I wipe the toilet seat before and after I potty. I do this even though there is never anything on the potty.

- I hate for the microwave to have unfinished time.

- I always lock my car doors. It is habit. Even if the keys are still in it, I ALWAYS lock my door. Ask my Dad. He has had to sporadically place spare keys all over the county because I am constantly locking my keys in the car. The best the that ever happened was the fact that my keyless entry remote died. I think I killed it. I would press the lock button on it until I walked far enough away that it would stop working. I just made me feel better to do this. Now, I just have to check the car door. I only have to check the driver's door though. Once that I am satisfied that it is locked, I can walk away.

I don't have any problems with the iron or the stove/oven.

What will happen if I don't do those OCD things? I don't know. I've never tried. It might cause a mild anxiety attack.

The superstitions? I just don't chance it. Why chance it? I don't need bad luck so I just follow the rules.

What are your crazy superstitions? Do you have any crazy OCD habits?

Question Numero Dos.

I want to know how you have time to blog with two little beautiful girls? ~Jony

Good Question.

The verdict is still out on if I am successfully using my time wisely when I blog. Right now, I am at my in-laws house typing away. We just had dinner over here and decided while the girls were occupied I could get something done.

I don't always have time. I don't always have stuff to blog about. I don't always blog.

Most of the time I write posts over a period of time. I may start a post today and finish it next week. {I started at my in-laws last night. I finished at home the this morning and scheduled it to post tonight.}

I mostly write at night when my house is quiet. I have been known to stay up until the wee hours pounding on the keyboard. I can get a week's worth of post done in a night. I will just schedule them to post on certain days.

So, in short I don't always find the time to blog. Being that I am a SAHM I do have more down time than a working mom so that is a plus.

I also don't make myself feel like I have to blog. If I feel like blogging, I do. If I'm just not in the mood, I don't blog. Like I said, I don't feel bad if I don't blog.

Hope that answers your question.

Question Numero Uno.

I want to know how much time you get kid free. Do you wish you had more time? And what do you do during that time? How long do you plan on staying at home?

Kid-free time. Don't we all wish we had more of it? I would have a spotless house and time to shower/tee-tee/just be lazy. But then again, my life would be so super boring.

To answer your questions, Jamie, I don't get a lot of kid-free time. Caroline actually goes to preschool 4 days a week for 3 hours. I look forward to those 3 hours a day. I use those 3 hours to spend with Emma. Most of the time she naps for about an hour. I try to clean the house a little (which I am not good at), I check e-mails, write posts, etc. Most of the time, I do not use my time wisely and it gets away from me quickly.

It is hard having two kids. You feel like you can't ask someone to keep both children at the same time. My motto is: if it is a job for me and I am their mom, I can't ask someone else to keep them both for an extended period of time.

We do have our date nights which are much needed. I am lucky that I have my parents and my in-laws all within 5 minutes of my house. We have more than enough help. We only leave them for a few hours. We go to dinner, talk, relax and then we go pick them up. We have just recently started letting Caroline spend the night. She never asked before and we never pushed for it. What can I say? We like to have our kids at home with us. Once she started asking to stay over with her KK or Grandmom, we gave in and let her.

As for how long I am going to stay at home... that is the one million dollar question. I would love to go back to school, I am just not 100% sure about what I want to do. There are a million options, how do you just choose one? My goal? To make the most amount of money working as little as possible. Is that even practical? For a stripper, maybe. It would be ideal to get Caroline in Kindergarten. She only has a year and a half left of preschool. That way, if I ask someone to help they will only have to keep one baby. With no college degree, working right now isn't really an option. I wouldn't make enough to even pay for daycare for 2 children. Ryan works terrible hours and is a full time student so he can't help but so much during the day. Night jobs are limited unless I want to go back to waitressing which isn't below me and is something we have totally talked about.

That was a total ramble of a post.

In short, I do get kid-free time. I don't get enough of it... no one ever does. I don't use my kid-free time wisely and I need to just be a stripper {when I get my boobs}.

Boob job fund.

I was in the bathroom the other day getting ready.

You would think that I was a 60 year old woman with the hot flashes that overcome me while I get ready. I can't wear clothes during the process because if I do, they will be soaking wet by the time I am done.

Anyway, what I am trying to explain is that I just wear my bra and underwear while getting ready.

As I was drying my hair and looking at myself in the mirror. I was shocked. I had to stop, put the hair dryer down and examine further.

I once had cute boobs. Looking at them in a bathing suit or bra they formed the perfect "C" and the other a backwards "C". Did you just form the picture in your head? Do you get what I am trying to say? Good.

Now like I said, my boobs are no longer this way. They form two straight lines. Like two number ones. I kid you not. At the age of 24, I have lost all hope for my boobs.

The more I stared, the more I realized that I am a 24 year old with the body of a 60 year old. However, I bring a whole new meaning to the phrase "On a scale of one to ten, what are you?"

My answer? "An eleven. I have the proof." Then I will just pull up my shirt and expose my "11" cleavage.

Be jealous.

PS- Not to worry though, my boob job fund is still collecting change. Donations are welcome.

Hailey Randoms.

- I only had two questions for blog posts. Not to worry. I am working on those posts and they will be up soon.

- I tried The Goddess Workout: Cardio Burlesque. Dolphina was the teacher. I watched the introduction. When she told me I needed a "new, more sexy name" like "Cupcake" AND did the entire introduction with a black sequin stuck to her hand... I knew it was time to send it back to Netflix. Up next? Carmen Electra's workout. We shall see how that one goes. Hopefully, I will make it past the introduction.

- I just ate a piece of lemon cake... at 11:20 pm. Talk about healthy. I am a health NUT!

- I have blogged a few times on the newspaper blog. Have you read? Someone please comment so I don't feel so alone on there. Thanks.

- The bloggy get-together is soon. I only have 4 RSVPs including myself. What's up girls? Please come. We are going to have so much fun! You get to see me drink wine and possibly say a cuss word. Come out. Fun times. {If I don't have your e-mail and you haven't received an invite... e-mail me or leave your e-mail in my comments}

- Pandora rocks. I love it. DMB radio is on as I type. So far there has been a little Coldplay and John Mayer too. Be still my heart.

- I am finally reading this book. My SIL, Ashlyn, let me borrow it and I have just skimmed through. Nope. No more skimming. I am reading this bad boy from cover to cover. It is time I take a stand against my children and their crazy sleeping habits.

- Don't forget to vote on this post. Thanks.

- I hate bows. I hate big, fat, fru-fru bows. They drive me nuts!

- Solving factoring equations makes me happy. {49x^2-25= (7x+5)(7x-5)} That makes me super excited. {Thanks Anna}

- Caroline has changed her name... several times. Most of the time she is Lilly. Sometimes she is Ariel.

- Emma insists on doing EVERYTHING by herself. She wants to feed herself, dress herself... she wants to do it all herself.

- I was looking for my keys today. I couldn't find them anywhere. They were in my hand. You just wish you were that together.

Hailey Lauren.

I love celebrity gossip.

Heck. I love everything celebrity.

I have my normal celebrity lovers.

1. Jude Law- My heart goes pitter-patter every time I see him. I still love him enough though he knocked-up some skanky chick.

2. Brad Pitt- It is so cliche, I know. Every woman loves him. Some people say he doesn't shower. I say, "I don't care. It's Brad-freaking-Pitt. I'd take him... smelly armpits and all."

3. John Kennedy Jr.- Everyone always has at least one dead crush. Is that weird? It is somewhat morbid. Anyway, he was so handsome. The last name Kennedy made it all better. I would have looked so hot in Jackie O's glasses, clothes, coats and shoes. I SO would have hyphenated my last name too. Do you think he would have taken offense to that? Hailey Bouvier-Kennedy.

Anyway, my list could go on and on. These are my top three. However, my number one celebrity crush is a little...ummm... odd. I told my best friend the other day and she looked at me like I was a crazy person.

Are you ready?

My number one celebrity crush....

is...

Ralph Lauren.


It's weird. I know. Something about him is just so good looking.



To top it off, he is a designer god.

That's almost as great as "Kennedy" being your last name.


Anyway, I need for you to make me feel better about this weird crush. Tell me, who is your weird celebrity crush?