The post where I lose tons of readers.

Thank you for all the great comments about our trip to the Bahamas.

I loved all of my dresses too. Most of them came from Old Navy. There are even about 4 more that you didn't even see. I love long dresses in warm summer weather.

Thank you for all the pick-me-ups about looking great. You all made me blush. A little secret though... cropping. You cut off what you don't want the world to see.

After I share my embarrassing story from our trip, I will share the uncropped photos so you will see that I cut out the bad and left the good. Haha!

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WARNING: This is a post about tee-tee. Move ahead with great caution.

It was a long day.

Riding in a car for an extended period of time will make you lose your mind.

We were on I-95 headed to North Carolina.

I-95 can so kiss my ass butt. What the hell is DOT thinking? Why would you have construction on a major interstate? Not only that, we were set back about an hour because of stupid road construction. We would stop and go, stop and go. Ugh!

We FINALLY pass South of the Border.

Welcome to North Carolina.

MORE CONSTRUCTION AHEAD.

Damnit Dang. Welcome home.

I hadn't tee-teed in 7 hours.

You people know what my bladder is like. I can't even sneeze without tee-teeing in my pants.

Well... 7 hours... my bladder was full. I'm talking F.U.L.L. I'm talking "if I stand up, I'm going to pee all over myself" full. I all but begged the father in law to pull over.

We are stuck in traffic.

The hubs was all... "HOLD IT Hailey."

I was all... "I can't. I'm not kidding people. I can't."

The hubs rolled his eyes.

"I'VE HAD TWO BABIES!" I screamed. "I CAN'T EVEN JUMP UP AND DOWN WITHOUT LEAKAGE!"

Men. They just don't get it.

The hubs said, "Five more miles until our next exit" as he punched buttons on his annoying GPS. I wanted to tell him to shove the GPS where the sun doesn't shine.

I think this is what sent me overboard. I all but lost it. "You know, I don't think you heard me. I can't hold it for 5 more minutes PLUS the time we will spend waiting in this construction."

No response from anyone.

"There are woods over there. I'm serious. Pull over."

I started sweating.

I moved around in the seat.

I held on to the "oh shit handle". Oh, you know the one. The handle that is on the spring thing above the backseat doors? Anyway... I held on to that so tight that my knuckles turned white.

"Ok. Seriously, is there a cup up there?"

The poor father in law began drinking his bottled Sunkist.

The hubs almost lost it this time. "No. No. No. She can hold it."

"Nope. I don't think I can aim and make it in that bottle and NOPE I can't hold it."

So, I did what I had to do.

I am about to publicly admit to it.

I climbed to the back. I opened up our ("our" meaning mine and Ryan's) empty cooler. I peed. In a cooler. Damnit. What has my life come to? Peeing in a cooler on I-95 with your mortified husband in the front seat with your father in law sitting beside him and your mother in law sitting in front of you laughing so hard she could have peed in her pants too. She also gave updates as to how long I peed. It was a total of 2 minutes and 56 seconds (or so it felt).

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

My mother-in-law says she is taking a cooler with us from now on. She said I made a great memory. I'm not so sure about "great".

The husband laughed it off in the end. He also tried to give the cooler to my dad the other night. I stopped him. "Here, Jay. I think this is your cooler." "No Dad! That's ours. You don't want it. The handle is broken." Husband=jerkface.
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Now... while I'm being fully honest... here are pictures to add to my embarrassment.

BEFORE:

Cellulite, gut, etc.

AFTER:

You're welcome. Now, you don't have to look at that beast of a girl in the blue bathing suit! Ha!

The truth is... from the top of the belly button and up... we are all good. From the top of the belly button down... we need some work.

Just being honest.

Our trip.

Here is our trip.

Pictures and stories are included.

Ready?

Wednesday night we stayed in Amelia Island, FL at my sister-in-law's mom's house. We had a great time. This is me on the beach after a 7 hour car ride from NC. We were all ready to get out of that car.


This was our cruise ship, the Carnival Fascination.


Sitting on the deck with Ashlyn... waiting for the guys to put our luggage in our room... waiting for the ship to leave.


Setting sail. We left out of Jacksonville, FL. Here are two pictures of Ryan and I. We stood at the front of the ship when we left port.



Here is a shot of our family. Ashlyn, Beverly, Ken, Me, Ryan, Kevin. We were having cocktails and sushi before dinner.


This picture was taken during our first dinner. The boat was REALLY rocking. We never felt sick... we just felt weird. Before dinner was over, Ryan looked at me and said, "We are going to bed after this." The rocking made you feel drunk. You couldn't control it and that is what bothered us the most. Thank goodness after the first night, we were use to it. You like Ry's hat head don't you? He always wears visors. He had had one on all day until dinner.


It was my birthday. Our waiters sang happy birthday to me and brought me a black cherry dessert. (FYI: I had three desserts that night.)


WELCOME TO FREEPORT

We were in Freeport for about 6 hours. This is where I got a really great Coach duffel bag.

This is a picture of us on the ship laying by the pool before docking in Freeport.


Here is the colorful Welcome to Freeport sign.


I found a lizard.


Waiting with Ashlyn. We were ready to get on the beach.


With Ryan on the beach. That is the first blue bathing suit I have ever owned. I liked it. I didn't think I was a blue person.


My feet in the sand. I described the sand as "powdered sugar" at one point. It was so soft.


Me laying on the beach. It was so nice. It was hot but not too hot. I loved it.


You like that this bead lady has on socks don't you? She trying to sale beads. There were lots of these women walking around. There was also guys walking around with shirts. (FYI: You could buy t-shirts, weed, cocaine, and crack all from the same person. Safe. Really safe.)


Kevin, Ashlyn, Ryan, and Hailey before dinner.


Us before dinner.


WELCOME TO NASSAU

Don't you love the colors?


This is the Le Grand Bleu. We didn't know what it was until we got home and googled it. We noticed it because of the sailboat beside it and the 68 foot boat on top.



Bay Street. This is where you do all of the fabulous shopping.


This is a picture of a corner on Bay Street. It is Gucci. I wish I had taken a picture of the next corner. It was the slums. You would go from Gucci to slums in less than 2 stores.


This is a picture of part of Atlantis. So pretty.


We spent a few hours at Atlantis. We paid to lay on the beach there.


We were on Cove Beach. They even had chairs and towels for us. So nice.

I made myself get in the water. Do not let the tropical color of the water fool you. It was freezing. It took me at least 2 minutes and 34 seconds to get my full body into the water. As soon as we got in... Ryan said ok, let's get out.


This is a terrible picture of me. Pink is obviously not my color. I would put my hair up so it wouldn't get wet. Once my hair gets wet it is over. Hello frizz. I would have looked like a hot mess.


See me in Ryan's sunglasses? You can also see another tower that was on Paradise Island at Atlantis.


Here are some pretty beach pictures.




See the surfers? They were crazy. The waves were HUGE and they were surfing between rocks. Smart, huh?


After laying on the beach, we walked over to the pool to swim. See our four little heads?


Graycliff. Kevin smokes cigars so we went to Graycliff. They told us that there was a factory. Their "factory" was as follows...


This man was doing something with the tobacco. He showed us "good" and "bad". He had rolls of the leaves that the guys gladly stuck their noses in... as if they aren't from Eastern North Carolina... meaning our whole freaking town smells of tobacco.
PS- You like that this man has a laptop and is watching a movie don't you? Ha!


This lady had a pretty crappy job. She took the rolled cigars, put the label around them and put them in the plastic wrapper. Oh, she packed them in the boxes too.


Here's what she had left to do. Fun, huh? No wonder they are so dang expensive. There is a ton of work put into them. I just pray Ryan doesn't take up smoking them.


Like I said, this was their "factory". There were about 6 people total. 4 were sitting at the little wooden desks, rolling cigars. There was 1 lady putting them in wrappers and then the old man in the back. It was not the factory




Sitting in a palor with Ashlyn at Graycliff while the boys were in the back smelling tobacco. Fun times.


I saw this door at Graycliff and thought it was so pretty. The colors are beautiful.


Here is a sunset view from our window in our room. It was beautiful.



Here is a picture of the whole group.



FRONT: Monica, Carol, Trish, Ashlyn, Hailey, Beverly
BACK: Chris, Namen, Curtis, Kevin, Ryan, Ken

We had a ball.

Up next? Caroline and Emma.

You haven't seen or heard any stories in 2 weeks. I have a book full!